The Very Official, One-Step Guide to White Allyship
Viva Asmelash
Equity-Centered Co-Founder + Consultant | Internal + External Communications | Speaker + Facilitator | Employee Experience Strategist | Learning + Development | HBR Contributor | Fierce Mental Health Advocate | Solo Mom
I should just say now: this article isn’t what you think it’s going to be.
“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.” (Fannie Lou Hamer, 1964)
This is how I feel as news unfolds this week of the brutal murder of another Black brother, Ahmaud Arbery.
Yet, there’s another thing I’m also sick of, and is what prompted me to write this. It’s what I see as I scroll through the related Instagram posts and read comments from (albeit, well-meaning) white people. Here it is: although better than stone-cold silence from some, it’s non-BIPOC (including some of my Asian brothers and sisters) asking what they can do to help. Every time I see this, I am like, whaaaa?
That’s because to me it is and has always been pretty simple.
Here’s your one and only step: get quiet with yourself.
Take time to consider what your values truly are. If this vile treatment—the complete and utter disregard for Black and Brown lives in this country—is not in alignment with your personal values, then show the fuck up and say so. Start holding other white people and systems accountable—loudly and often—and then tell those groups to hold their spheres accountable, and so on. That is how change happens.
I also have hard news for you: if you are not willing to even do that, then your values are not actually your values. Values are not designed to be malleable to situations and relationships in order to suit you and maintain your comfort.
Values are designed to be the north star to which you consistently hold yourself, under even the most difficult of circumstances. Period.
So, please, stop asking what you can do (and especially stop asking Black people what you can do). Because the truth is this—you already know what to do. You’re either actively choosing to do it—and sacrificing some relatively minor degree of comfort in your life—or you aren’t. That is it.
There’s no information “desert”, no shortage of ways to begin, no lack of amazing and steadfast organizations to support. Rather there is only your willingness to turn off Netflix for a moment, skip making the sourdough bread or Dalgona coffee just for today, stop immediately centering yourself, quit quietly looking away, and start to actually ask yourself how you’ll demonstrate your proclaimed values in tangible ways.
Then, as always, hold yourself accountable, too.
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4 年YES - "Values are designed to be the north star to which you consistently hold yourself, under even the most difficult of circumstances. Period."?
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4 年Thank you for sharing.
Equity-Centered Co-Founder + Consultant | Internal + External Communications | Speaker + Facilitator | Employee Experience Strategist | Learning + Development | HBR Contributor | Fierce Mental Health Advocate | Solo Mom
4 年I wanted to provide an additional layer to this. If you are looking for simple, clear, and rational language to use when drawing boundaries or holding people in your life accountable, values are the best thing to anchor to. Here are easy statements to remember and use, especially in moments that can often feel emotionally charged (of course, only if they are true for you): *To a friend or acquaintance: "This is not in line with my personal values." *To a colleague or supervisor: "This is not in line with our official company values." *To a spouse or partner: "This is not in line with the values of the family we're creating/have created." *To a parent (or other family of origin): "This is not in line with the values I learned as a child in our family."
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