Very Inclusive People: the podcast
Rebecca Berry
Helping leaders transform their organisations through inclusive leadership | Inclusion Expert | Equity & Diversity Writer
Happy Friday, VIPs!
Lots to tell you this week again, so here's a summary to help you jump to the bits you're most interested in:
A powerful allyship moment
I had a powerful allyship moment this week. One of those flashes of insight that allows us to briefly step inside another lived experience. It's a privilege when that happens, and it's a privilege that we can create for ourselves simply by asking respectful questions and listening.
Here's what happened.
What's a PWP?
Many of you know that I live with, and care for, my mum, who has Parkinson's Disease. We've lived in Oxfordshire for the last year and we've been gradually building connections with our local Parkinson's UK branch. It's a very active branch of the charity, and their support has been a lifeline for both of us - mum as a PWP (Person With Parkinson's, acronym fans) and me as a PWP carer.
So active are PUK Oxford that they've co-opted me onto their committee and supported my nomination to be elected as a national PUK Trustee! So I thought it was about time we showed our faces at the monthly branch meeting.
There's life after 6 pm, you say?
Now, here's the thing. The branch meeting is in the evening. Not only that, it's on a Wednesday evening.
Evenings aren't usually a Thing for my mum. She's looking forward to popping on her PJs and getting into bed pretty much as soon as she's taken off her PJs in the morning. And Wednesday night is Coronation Street night. Sacrosanct isn't a strong enough word for what an unshakeable, immovable event Coronation Street is in our house. (To my great annoyance I'm hooked, having not watched it for 40 years. So if anyone's up for a Coronation Street newsletter, I'm here for it!)
Undaunted, I persuaded mum to come along on the grounds that she only ever meets other PWP at her exercise classes, which doesn't give much chance for her to build friendships. I bribed her with the promise of an extra splash of gin in her modest evening G&T. I enchanted her with the delightful prospect of watching Coronation Street after breakfast the next day. She was in!
Movers and Shakers
The meeting was led by Paul Mayhew-Archer, a fellow committee member and marvellous comedy writer and performer (he co-write The Vicar of Dibley, for example). Paul records a podcast with a few friends (one of which is Jeremy Paxman) about living with Parkinson's. The podcast is called Movers and Shakers (yes, I know, it's a grimly comedic name!). He wanted to get some ideas from the PWP at the meeting about the kind of topics they'd like to see covered in future podcast episodes. There was a good 50 people in the room, so we broke up into small groups to discuss it.
My mum and I were sitting with a lovely bloke called Barry. We chatted about the frustration of no longer being able to do things that most people take for granted, such as the manual dexterity to do up a button or zip. We talked about the impact on a spouse of caring for a PWP ('Yes, we did say in sickness and in health 30 years ago, but I didn't realise I was signing up for this ??')
You get that too??!
Then Barry said that stress triggers or worsens symptoms such as the uncontrollable tremor that many PWP experience. His coping mechanism is preparing for his daily life in huge amounts of detail with plans A, B, C and D for everything. For example, making sure that he gets to the train station in plenty of time to avoid being stressed about missing his train, which would make his journey even more difficult by making him feel ill and even less able to cope with this perfectly normal (for most of us) everyday activity.
My jaw dropped.
"You've just described how I used to manage my menopause symptoms", I told him. It all came back to me - the familiar feeling of slight nausea that heralded a hot flush, then being pretty much incapacitated for anything up to 20 minutes at a time, anything up to 20 times a day. One of the hot flush triggers was feeling anxiety of any description, whether it was 'Will I miss my train?' or 'Is my daughter safe on her night out?'. Through using a CBT approach to manage anxiety, I managed to reduce the frequency and severity of the hot flushes.
Now, I was hearing that stress-triggered symptoms are an experience I shared with some PWP. It gave me a tiny window into experiencing life with Parkinson's. Even though I see the impact of Parkinson's on my mum every day, I can only sympathise because I don't know how it feels. Barry had gifted me a sense of connection and understanding. An opportunity to empathise rather than sympathise.
Allyship insight
As an aspiring ally, this small insight doesn't mean I'm now an expert on how it feels to have Parkinson's. It's still up to me to pass the microphone when I have the opportunity to raise awareness and amplify the voices of PWP, rather than hogging it for myself (however much I may enjoy the sound of my own voice!).
The lesson in this? Finding points of connection with people helps us to empathise with them and better understand their lived experience. And that helps us to be a better ally.
We find those points of connection by asking people about their life. About how it feels to live their life. And being prepared to share how it feels to live our life in turn.
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This week's Inclusion Coach content
You can ring my be-e-ell ??
If you've been reading my newsletter for a while, you'll know that I regularly grumble about the LinkedIn algorithm suppressing equity, diversity and inclusion content. That's why I give you a roundup of my content every week in the newsletter, in case it didn't hit your feed.
Anyway! I discovered yesterday that there's a little bell the the right of the name on everyone's profile page. If you click the bell on my profile page, it means you'll be notified about everything I post, not just the stuff that LinkedIn deems it appropriate for you to read. So go ahead and ring my bell! And sorry about the ear worm...
Very Inclusive People - the podcast
Wanna be a VIP? You already are, because you're reading this newsletter ?? And NOW you can be a VIP by listening to my brand new podcast. This is the Spotify link, and you can also find it on Google podcasts and Amazon Music. You'll be able to find it on Apple podcasts eventually, but I'm still in the queue for review!
Very Inclusive People is about ordinary, everyday acts of allyship that will inspire everyone to build more allyship into their life. Sometimes it'll be just me (you remember I like the sound of my own voice, right?!) and sometimes I'll be joined by a fellow aspiring ally. In the first podcast, I introduce myself and talk about my own allyship journey. The second one is coming next week, when I'm joined by a guest ally.
Please listen, please rate it, please let me know if there are any topics that you'd like to hear covered in future episodes. Thanks! ??
New stories on Medium
I've started to post stuff on Medium, partially because I want to write longer stuff, partially because I want to reach a wider audience, and partially because I want to tell stories as well as talk about equity, diversity and inclusion. There are two new stories on there that I haven't published on LinkedIn - one's about Birthday Dinner with Bono, and one talks about the different elements of my identity, including Becoming Lady B.
The Accountability Community
I launched my new Accountability Community on Monday to great fanfare! And so far, it's just, um, me! ?? I remain undaunted, however. Really thinking about my top three weekly goals and putting them out there was accountability in itself. Did I achieve them? You'll have to subscribe to find out later...
If you've already subscribed, thank you! When you feel ready, post your own three weekly goals and see how it changes how you think about your time and prioritise your activities.
That's it for this week! See you next time.