The very first Relationship - Relationship with yourself

Being kind to yourself

One of the quickest ways to improve your relationship with yourself is to start being kinder with what you say to yourself! When you start to train your self-talk to be kind instead of harsh, it includes:

Saying positive, supportive and helpful things to ourselves – ‘You got this’; ‘I believe in you’; ‘You look great today’; ‘Wow you are really strong today’; ‘Rest up, you deserve a well-earned break’; ‘Even though it’s difficult, you have what it takes to get through this’, ‘Just do your best and forget the rest!’.

Challenging unhelpful self-talk and transforming it into helpful self-talk (self-talk that is more balanced, true, constructive and helpful). Unhelpful self-talk might include anything you say to yourself that:

Is overly negative.

Judges you harshly.

Holds you to impossibly high standards.

Compares you to others.

Beats you up for making mistakes or failing.

Berates you for not being good enough or attractive enough.

Being your own support squad

Being kind to yourself also means being your own support squad and cheerleader. When you are consistently kind to yourself, you don’t need others to support you, validate you and boost your self-confidence so much, because you can do those things for yourself. To support yourself more:

Surround yourself with encouraging and supportive friends.

Remember your strengths and qualities and make the most of them.

Practise gratitude for all that you like about yourself and all that is good in your life.

Adopt a more kind and optimistic view of yourself and your potential.

Be a sympathetic, supportive, compassionate and comforting friend to yourself during tough times (e.g., saying ‘poor me!’ can sometimes help to validate what you are going through).

Stick up for yourself in the face of hurtful or harmful words/behaviour – ‘Stop! That’s not okay with me’.

Encouraging and motivating yourself

Another thing you can do to have a great relationship with yourself is to encourage and motivate yourself to accomplish what you want in life. It’s like being your own personal coach and mentor! This isn’t easy, especially when the road becomes difficult and challenging. What can help is:

???????Reminding yourself why you are doing what you are doing and why it is important.

???????Giving yourself positive reinforcement that you do have the skills, resources and willpower to achieve something if you set your mind to it.

???????Giving yourself permission to enjoy the journey whilst also focusing on the end result.

???????Giving yourself rewards/recognition when you accomplish key steps that lead to your end result.

???????Even when you don’t achieve the desired end result, praising all your efforts and hard work.

???????Adopting a Growth Mindset. This is where you learn, develop and progress from mistakes and failure, rather than sinking with them.