The Verdict

Today, I find myself reflecting on my 30 years of life and the lessons I have learned, the people I have met and the experiences I have shared with others. It just so happens that Juneteenth of 2020 will be a pivotal day in my life from this day forth. The acts of today will shape my future and mature me to become the man I am supposed to be.

I have struggled over the past few weeks trying to socialize the emotions I share with so many in the Black community because I find myself at a crossroads not knowing how to maintain composure, professionalism, and authenticity simultaneously. As Bryan Stevenson would say, proximity is what I aim to accomplish in having people read this and understand the complexity and ambivalence that makes this so hard to communicate.

In an effort to educate, while also not isolate, allies and supporters, I wrote the below to help so many understand why my heart, body and soul ache and fatigue as Black people continue to have to prove their value and worth to society. So here it is...

The Verdict

It is not what you say, but how you say it that impacts others;

The message: Black Lives Matter...too.

I am Black at home, I am Black at work, I am Black in the mirror,

I am Black forever!

I cannot be anything but what God has blessed me to be.

New people, new faces, new cultures, but I am still the same;

Navigating a sea of differences like fish in the ocean.

But why must I be the only one to adapt to my environment?

In nature, all animals must learn about their surroundings,

Adapt and overcome to survive...so why is it only me?

Balancing respectful assertion and personal discomfort

The tone of which can be misconstrued and unrepresented.

Is this too strong? Is this too real?

I do not know but it is how I feel.

Fear and uncertainty guiding our actions

Creating stillness like movement in quicksand.

Indifference and silence the worst enemies to the cause;

Reflecting in a mirror like a shadow when at pause.

I need allies with power to proximate the message

Yet time, provided to all, is limited by some.

Time stripped from George Floyd, Arhmaud Barbery, Breonna Taylor…Emmett Till,

Prioritizing breaths before they too are taken from me.

Instead of letting fire ignite my emotion for those who remain in the dark,

I must shine the light and show the way.

I must be the catalyst, not the martyr for human rights;

I am no leader, I am no follower, just an activist for change.

This is my battle…thinking strategic while my heart is raw.

Forced to “tread softly”, wading in the waters;

At what point does treading water cease and swimming begins?

Death by a bullet, by a knee, by an elbow, by silence…

Let us speak, let dialogue shape us.

Let us no longer sit idly while time slips away.

The time is now and the verdict is left to you.