Vanishing 3rd Spaces: A Tale of Two Continents

I'm sitting in a bustling café in Coimbra, Portugal. The scene before me is bittersweet. Friends laugh over espressos. Elderly couples share croissants. Solo patrons lose themselves in newspapers. It's a stark reminder of what we've lost in America. This isn't just about coffee or pastries. It's about community.

In recent years, a growing unease has settled over the United States regarding mental health. We're one of the world's wealthiest nations. Yet we grapple with higher rates of anxiety, depression, and social isolation compared to the Europeans. This disparity raises a crucial question: what are we missing?

As we delve into this complex issue, we'll explore the intersection of community spaces, cultural values, socioeconomics, and mental health on both sides of the Atlantic. Through a blend of personal experience, expert insights, and hard data, I'll attempt to uncover the hidden costs of our increasingly isolated lives and potential paths forward.

One caveat first. To keep this from becoming a novel, assume I realize that comparing 'Europe' to the 'US' is far too simplistic - since each contain multitudes. These are to be read as 'general themes', supported by data.

Understanding Third Spaces

Imagine a place that's not home, not work, but just as comforting. That's a 'Third Space' - the heart of community life.

European cities are treasure troves of these spaces. Picture winding cobblestone streets where cars don't dominate, inviting you to experience life through all your senses. As you stroll, you'll notice a seamless blend of homes, shops, and public areas - a living, breathing example of mixed-use development.

At the core of these cities lie bustling squares and plazas - natural gathering spots that serve as the community's living room. Here, the most potent attraction is simply other people. Sidewalk cafés spill onto streets, blurring lines between private and public, creating a playground for social interaction.

Tying it all together are extensive public transit systems - not just ways to get around, but "intersecting freedom machines " that spark chance encounters and spontaneous connections.

This vibrant urban mosaic stands in stark contrast to many American cities, highlighting how deeply social and economic factors shape our public spaces. It's a delicate balance, but one that European cities have mastered, creating thriving communities where social interaction is woven into the very fabric of daily life.

Why IS Community so hard in America?

The United States, once celebrated for its strong communities and civic engagement, is grappling with a profound erosion of social trust. This unraveling is etched in hard data and visible in the changing landscape of American life. In 1972, nearly half of Americans (46%) believed most people could be trusted; by 2018, that number plummeted to 31% . This stark decline in social trust extends to institutions, with Gallup reporting only 27% of Americans expressing high confidence in major institutions in 2021-22.

The consequences of this trust deficit ripple through society. Park area per capita has shrunk by 21% over two decades, while the Pew Research Center found that only 31% of Americans know most of their neighbors in 2019, down from 44% in 1999 (and still declining). Civic engagement is waning, with voter turnout in local elections often dipping below 15% in many cities.

What's worse - we have an unnaturally high level of mental illness , both diagnosed, and not. We are addicted to booze and drugs (both legal and illegal) to try and cope with it. We are so far from content that we are currently killing ourselves in record numbers.

Then there's America's penchant for mass shootings, where we average at least 2 , every day. Most shooters share a familiar headspace -hopeless to find anything to be part of, ending up in a state of complete antisocial perversion. A state of depression, confusion, emptiness, and then violence, against others and themselves.

This erosion isn't just statistical; it's a lived experience for millions. It's the anxiety of not knowing who to turn to in a crisis, the loneliness of disconnected neighborhoods, and the frustration of navigating a society where suspicion often outweighs solidarity.

The repercussions are far-reaching. America's once-thriving urban centers have declined, with visible homelessness and public drug use altering the urban landscape. Local businesses that once served as community hubs have seen patronage dwindle, muting the spirit of casual sociability that once characterized American urban areas.

This erosion of trust permeates every facet of American society, from heightened political polarization to widening economic inequality. As I wrote in a prior post , its extremely difficult to build new relationships if you are struggling to survive or have crushing debt burdens to worry about. Between increasing deficits relative to GDP, and an inequality 'Gini coefficient' of 0.41 , (higher than most European counterparts) the U.S. faces economic disparities that further undermine social cohesion.

Eroding Community Through Political Polarization

As we approach the 2024 election, America's political crisis has reached a fever pitch. The recent assassination attempt on former president Trump underscores a grim reality: the U.S. is likely to remain in a state of extreme political instability for the foreseeable future. This instability isn't just bad for America; it's bad for the world - and will only add to the existing strain in our social discourse and institutions.

Consider the facts: In just four years, we've witnessed both a coup attempt and a major assassination attempt. America, once a beacon of democratic stability, now arguably leads the great powers in political volatility. We're staring down the barrel (literally) of another four years of intense struggle over our country's institutions.

This political turmoil comes at a particularly inopportune moment. After a decade of social strife and unrest, many Americans are simply exhausted . The will to fight for a functional democracy seems to be waning just when we need it most.

The incentives driving this system may not be the root of our social division, but they certainly don’t help. It’s a system that gets stronger with polarization, feeding on conflict and histrionics. It seems increasingly difficult to see each other’s humanity. The upcoming election presents voters with an unpalatable choice: where one camp says Biden isn’t just bad—he’s a an cognitively disabled globalist lizard person. In the other camp, Trump isn’t just disgraceful—he’s a dictatorially-inclined demon that pits groups of people against each-other.

America faces a crisis of trust, fueled by toxic political polarization. This slow-motion disaster is eroding the very foundations of our communities. We're not just divided politically; we're becoming strangers in our own neighborhoods.

The challenge before us is immense: we must rekindle trust among citizens who view each other as enemies and revitalize public spaces that have become battlegrounds of ideology. This isn't a problem we can legislate away or solve with a quick fix.

Robert Putnam's seminal work "Bowling Alone" nailed it when he said social capital is on the decline in America. We're voting less, joining less, giving less, trusting less... basically, we're "less-ing" our way out of community engagement. It's a trend that's hard to ignore.

What we need is a uniquely American solution – one that acknowledges our deep divisions but refuses to accept them as permanent. It's time to confront the gravity of our situation head-on. We must craft a strategy that not only bridges political chasms but also rebuilds the social and physical infrastructure of community life. The future of American democracy hinges on our answer.

The Problem of Technology and Digital Third Spaces

“Social media makes more sense when you view it as a place people go to perform rather than a place to communicate.” - @morganhousel

Technology is the invisible fabric of modern life. We're like fish swimming in an ocean of innovation, oblivious to the water. The miracles of yesterday are the default expectations of today. Clean water, instant heat, abundant food - these were once pipe dreams. Now they're background noise.

We only notice when things break. A power outage becomes breaking news. A WiFi disruption feels like the end of the world. That's the paradox of progress - its greatest achievements become invisible.

This technological amnesia is a testament to human ingenuity. We've conquered scarcity so thoroughly that abundance has become our new normal. But this triumph comes with a cost. Let's start with our most obvious addiction: social media.

Social media has become both too much and not enough. It's a place people go to perform rather than communicate. In the U.S., nearly three-quarters of Americans are regular users, compared to just over half of Europeans . This isn't just about numbers - it reflects fundamental differences in how these societies approach digital interaction and personal data.

Europe's stringent data protection laws, like GDPR , make it harder for companies to exploit user data. In contrast, the U.S.'s more lenient approach often leads to more nefarious ways to monetize attention. Worse, it enables foreign governments to flood English-language social media with disinformation.

What concerns me even more is the psychological toll it takes on us, how these platforms rely on engagement-maximizing algorithms. They amplify extreme voices and polarizing opinions at the expense of thoughtful discourse. We're creating a paradoxical digital landscape where provocative statements thrive while empathy withers.

We're "expecting more from technology and less from each other," as Sherry Turkle aptly observed . Jonathan Haidt's characterization of social media as a "meaning and experience blocker" hits home. It reduces face-to-face interactions, disrupts sleep patterns, and decreases time spent in nature.

The radical alteration of our social environment by technology has rendered much received wisdom obsolete. We must return to the fundamental question: what constitutes human flourishing, and what is required for it?

In a world of instantly accessible, algorithmically recommended content, a strange emptiness has settled upon human creativity. While the top 0.1% of humans may outperform AI perceptibly through novelty, technology has been rapidly knocking out the bottom rungs of skilled practice that allow for the development of mastery.

A Path Forward...

The challenge now is remembering how far we've come and being honest about how our minds have rewired, and how we can somehow break through this predicament. I've come to believe something hard to imagine: its completely possible to redesign and re-engineer our online environments while maintaining profitability. I acknowledge that overcoming the current business model seems impossible. However, I believe the potential reward - a digital landscape can enriches rather than diminishes our humanity - is immeasurable.?

The solutions go beyond just privacy regulations: it must be intertwined with subtle changes to user experience that create positive feedback loop and network effects. For instance:

• Algorithms could be retooled to prioritize diverse perspectives and empathetic responses. Imagine "Active Listening" prompts that encourage users to steel-man someone else's perspective before responding. Or consider the potential of "Empathy AI" that guides users towards reframing their responses in ways that increase the likelihood of meaningful exchange.
• Implementing a "Slow Mode" feature encourages more thoughtful reflection before posting.
• 'Community Health' scores reward constructive engagement, fostering a more positive online culture.
• 'Digital Town Halls' could provide structured spaces for meaningful discussions, mirroring the best aspects of face-to-face interactions.
• We must re-imagining how we approach online advertising. By shifting the focus from social influencers towards real expertise and credibility, we could change the dynamics of why and how people purchase products and services. This could lead to a more informed and discerning user base.

In my view, these changes wouldn't just improve online discourse; they could help bridge the gap between our digital and physical worlds. We have an opportunity to transform social media from a source of division and anxiety into a powerful tool for understanding, empathy, and community building.

These changes wouldn't just improve online discourse; they would help bridge the gap between our digital and physical worlds, creating spaces where genuine connections can flourish.

Cultural Values and Community Support: Lessons from Europe and Blue Zones

It's fascinating to see how much Europeans care about the act of 'living'. The intention given to being a valued member of something larger than themselves. To being part of a group. To eating well, to relaxing well, to working with a purpose beyond making a boatload of money. If you visit Portugal, Italy, France and many other places, its a felt sense that's hard to describe. Where America is about self-sufficiency and convenience, Europe is more focused on the communal good and restraint.

This sense becomes crystal clear in Blue Zones , statistically exceptional locales known for both longevity and quality of life, serving as living laboratories demonstrating the power of strong social ties. European countries maintain larger average family households and an abundance of communal spaces, reflecting a cultural emphasis on social interactions in daily life.

Compare this to America, which has the world’s highest rate of children living in single-parent household. ?Almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults (23%), more than three times the share of children around the world who do so (7%). Compare this to Okinawa, Japan, where we see lifelong support systems known as "moais" nurturing individuals throughout their lives.

Sardinia, Italy presents us with a model of multi-generational households, where wisdom and care flow seamlessly across age boundaries. These aren't mere cultural quirks; research consistently shows that these robust social connections correlate with improved mental and physical health, lower rates of chronic disease, and increased life expectancy.

These approaches go beyond personal spheres, they influence and reinforce public policy significantly. For example, Portugal's landmark drug policy reform offers a compelling case study. Their 2001 decision to decriminalize drug possession and use led to a significant decrease in drug-induced deaths. But the policy's success isn't solely due to legal changes. Portugal's strong familial bonds and vibrant communal spaces play a crucial role. As Portuguese sociologist Ricardo Gon?alves notes , the country's cafes, squares, and community centers serve as informal support networks, complementing official treatment programs.

The U.S. experience, in contrast, highlights the challenges of addressing social issues in a society with fraying community bonds. Oregon's efforts to decriminalize drug possession, unlike Portugal's success, faced significant challenges and failed miserably. Dr. Carl Hart's observation is particularly relevant here: in a society marked by isolation and weakening social bonds, policy reforms alone are insufficient to address complex social issues.

In Switzerland, where there is mandatory military service where citizens understand how to protect and engage with their community in a common cause, somehow manage to also (not surprisingly) have nearly zero annual gun homicides - even though their per capita gun ownership is similar to the US. Worse, there have been more gun suicides than gun homicides in the United States every year for the past 25 years.

While the U.S. middle class struggles with rising income inequality, stagnant wages, and increasing costs for essentials , parts of developed Europe have maintained a more stable or growing middle class. They've achieved this through robust social safety nets, prevention-based healthcare, and tax policies aimed at reducing income disparities.

I willl emphasize again: 3rd spaces have a remarkable effect on reinforcing civic duty. Americans live the notion that our government is accountable to us - as opposed to responsible for us. Our inability to consistently communicate with others in our communities, actually makes us more likely to be drawn to nanny states.

The Paradox of American Individualism: Wealth Without Well-being

No one questions that the US celebrates individualism. Personal freedom and self-sufficiency are highly prized, and many people immigrate (legally or otherwise) for this very reason. Work and professional achievement (and the status signaled through it) play outsized roles in shaping personal identity and social status. It's arguably the 'greatest country in the world'...if measured only by the ability to create monetary wealth.

I've long been fascinated by the paradox we're facing in America. We've built the world's largest economy , a testament to our innovative spirit and work ethic. Yet, I can't help but notice a troubling trend: our economic success isn't translating into greater happiness or life satisfaction.

Take the latest World Happiness Report. Despite our GDP dominance, we're languishing at 23rd place globally in happiness, the lowest ever. Here's my theory: the very traits that have rocketed us to the economic stratosphere might be the same ones eroding our social foundations.

Our "compete or die" mentality has birthed tech giants and revolutionized industries, sure. But for every startup unicorn, there are countless Americans struggling to find genuine connection and satisfaction. Our uniquely American 'exceptionalism ' has optimized for GDP growth at the expense of our collective wellbeing.

And the effects? They're real, and they're not pretty. A 2020 Cigna study dropped a bombshell: 61% of Americans report feeling lonely. That's nearly double the number from the 1980s. Let that sink in for a moment.

Europe, or at least large parts of Europe, is very different from the US in this way, and you can see this in suicide and mortality statistics, but you can also see it with your own eyes, how much healthier people are in obvious ways. Take obesity, where Europeans average 3x lower rates. It’s not just that there are more stairs in Europe (there are), its also the food. America's heavily subsidized and chemically laden food system, with an emphasis on ‘sick care’ vs healthcare, is a massive part of the problem. Finally, America is the only country (besides New Zealand) that that allows direct-to-consumer pharmaceutical advertising.?It's almost as if these systems create a feedback loop!

It’s depressing to come back, after traveling abroad. To see so many 'influencers of one', buying stuff to help them figure out why life feels so empty. I'm not arguing that the social and communal aren't available in the US. It's human nature to build networks. But America makes it harder to do. When it does happen, we tend to make it transactional 'work' networking. The norms in our culture just aren't nearly as conducive to real community.

I’ve heard from many people travelling abroad, especially those avoiding westernized resorts - who notice a sense that, even as a tourist, you’re part of something bigger than yourself. This feeling is fundamentally different from the US, where being the maximal you that you can possibly be, one defined by your own flavor of uniqueness, is central. The idea that everyone needs to be freed ‘from’ everything, that everyone must find and signal their identity flag - to focus on finding and being the protagonist in a world of NPCs - even if it means severing ties with family, friends, church, Nation, etc.

This misalignment is troubling. How do we square our cultural obsession with individual success against our fundamental need for community and shared experiences? It's not just an academic question - it's the central challenge facing American society today.?

In our relentless pursuit of individual liberation and rejection of traditional ties, we've inadvertently isolated ourselves, trading meaningful connections for a hollow independence. This quest to shed all perceived constraints has left us adrift in an empty loneliness. Or perhaps more simply: We've created a society that's materially rich but socially poor.

Rebuilding Our Social Fabric

Our culture is stuck. We want stability and rootedness, but also mobility, infinite choices, dynamic capitalism, and the liberty to adopt any lifestyle we choose. We want close families and communities, but won't invest in the legal, cultural, and sociological constraints that once made them possible. We’ve seen the rise of opioid addiction, of suicide, of depression, of inequality—all products, in part, of a family and community structure that is too fragile, and a society that's too detached, disconnected, and distrustful - leading to a profound sense of confusion and ambivalence.

So what must we do...

Let's start with our public spaces. Our parks and town squares should be more than just green spots on a map. They should pulse with life. Imagine transforming underused lots into vibrant community gardens. Picture bustling farmers' markets where neighbors swap recipes alongside locally grown produce. These spaces can become the heartbeat of our communities, much like the piazzas of Italy or the plazas of Spain.

We need to re-calibrate our relationship with time. The relentless American work ethic has its merits, but it often comes at the cost of personal connections. We don't need to adopt the lengthy European lunch break, but we can carve out moments for meaningful interaction. Local cafes could offer "community tables" where strangers are encouraged to sit together and chat. Employers could introduce "social hours" where colleagues connect over shared interests rather than work tasks.

Inter-generational and civic connections are an untapped resource in our communities. We can learn from countries like the Netherlands, where nursing homes offer free rent to students in exchange for spending time with seniors. In our context, this could translate to mentorship programs pairing retirees with young professionals, or after-school programs where older adults help with homework and share life skills.

While we can't practically replicate the centuries-old layouts of European cities, we can prioritize pedestrian-friendly design in new developments and renovations. Wide sidewalks, plenty of benches, and strategically placed public art can transform a simple walk into an opportunity for spontaneous encounters and conversation.

Local traditions bind communities together. While we may not have centuries-old festivals like many European towns, we can create our own. Monthly community potlucks, seasonal street fairs, or annual town days can become the touchstones of local identity. These events should celebrate the unique character of each community, from the lobster festivals of Maine to the rodeos of Texas.

Technology, often blamed for isolating us, can be repurposed to bring us together. We need to develop technological solutions that complement rather than replace face-to-face connections, creating digital spaces that enhance rather than detract from our sense of community.

The key is to recognize that strong communities don't just happen – they're built through intentional effort and design. By blending the best of European community-building practices with American innovation and local flavor, we can create vibrant, connected neighborhoods that honor our individualistic spirit while nurturing our need for belonging.

This isn't about becoming more European. It's about becoming more connected, more engaged, more American in the deepest sense. It's about recognizing that the strength of our nation lies not just in the independence of individuals, but in the interdependence of communities. As we move forward, let's build spaces and cultivate habits that bring us together, face-to-face and heart-to-heart.

Conclusion: A Call for Connection

Researching this post, I've come to appreciate the profound impact of "third spaces" in fostering social connections and trust. The bustling cafe, the community garden, the neighborhood event - these aren't just pleasant diversions. They're fundamental building blocks of a healthier, more resilient society. I've observed how crucial urban design is in shaping our daily interactions. When we prioritize human connection over mere convenience, we create environments that nurture our social nature rather than isolate us.

I've also noted how cultural values play a pivotal role in shaping our social bonds and community resilience. The stark contrast between American individualism and the more communal approaches in many European cultures hopefully provided some insight into alternative methods of building social cohesion. However, we can't ignore the role of social media and it’s impact on our interactions. While social media offers unprecedented connectivity, I'm concerned about their outsize potential to replace genuine human connection with too many incentives for disinformation and shallow facsimiles of community.

In my view, our challenge - and opportunity - lies in intentionally creating spaces and cultures that nurture real connections. By doing so, we can address the root causes of many social issues while enriching our daily lives. The goal, as I see it, is to rebuild an America where community thrives, where social bonds are strong, and where individuals can find their place in a network of meaningful connections. It's a tall order, but one that I believe is crucial for our collective well-being and societal resilience.