Vanessa Bohns explains how you can amplify your influence, and it's about to get kinetic

"We are constantly influencing the people around us." In this week's You've Got This, social psychologist, author and professor of organizational behavior at Cornell University Vanessa Bohns shares what inspired her to pursue her field of study, ways you can understand your influence, and ways you can communicate more effectively and with confidence. Don't miss Vanessa's insights, along with announcing our next guest, Mohammed Iqbal of connected fitness and experiential design company Sweatworks.

Victoria: "Can you tell us about your career journey?"

Vanessa: "I was a psychology major at Brown and always thought I wanted to go into advertising. I got an entry-level position at Ogilvy and Mather in NYC right out of undergrad. It was my dream job, but it was in the account management department, and I realized pretty early on that the part of advertising that really interested me was the market research side of things. At the time, there were really no entry-level positions in that department, and everyone doing market research there seemed to have a PhD. So, after spending a few years trying out different jobs that were peripherally related to psychology, I ultimately decided to go back to school to get my PhD in psychology at Columbia. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with the degree, although I still had market research in the back of my mind. I never thought I would end up being a professor. But I wound up loving both research and teaching more than I ever imagined. So, I just kept taking the next step that would allow me to continue to do that. I got a post-doctoral fellowship at the Rotman School of Management at the University of Toronto. Then I met my husband, who is Canadian, and I got my first tenure-track faculty position at the University of Waterloo, which allowed me to stay in Canada. When the opportunity to come to Cornell’s ILR School arose, I somehow managed to convince my husband to move to the U.S.—something for which I will always be both grateful and ragged on. (Let’s just say, my daughter started hockey lessons at the age of 5.) I’ve been so happy to find a place where I can put the insights I’ve learned from psychology research into practical advice for people seeking to improve their work lives and workplace culture."

Victoria: "In your new book?YOU HAVE MORE INFLUENCE THAN YOU THINK, you harness original research and storytelling to underscore that we may have more influence than we realize. Can you share some key indicators to look for to assess your influence in a particular situation?"??

Vanessa: "We tend to think of influence in a particular way—typically as a formal attempt at persuading another person to change. Because of that, we assume that if we’ve successfully influenced another person, it will be clearly and immediately apparent: We’ll see them do or say something different. Perhaps they’ll concede the argument and tell us we’re right. Maybe we’ll see some immediate shift in their behavior.

However, most of the time, that’s not how influence works.

"Influence is often more subtle, cumulative, or delayed. It may happen inside another person’s head where we can’t see it. Sometimes it doesn’t alter another person’s position or behavior, but simply serves to strengthen a conviction they already had, or a behavior they were already doing. In the latter cases, we may in fact have a significant impact, but there would be no obvious shift in thinking or behavior that would make that impact apparent to us."

All of this means that we are constantly influencing the people around us in ways we may miss, or may not even intend. We may make an impassioned speech at the front of the room, but what someone may remember from that event is the compliment we gave them before we walked on the stage. We may not say a word in a meeting, but our mere presence may nonetheless shape the discussion because people talk about an issue differently while we are in the room.

That’s why the best way to start to understand the influence we have is to try not to make assumptions about how we may have impacted others. Our beliefs about our own influence are often wrong. Instead, we need to get out of our own heads by asking other people what they found most impactful about our words or actions—what they took away from a particular discussion, or what they remember of a particular argument we made. And then we need to listen."

Victoria: "A fascinating point you shared in a?recent WSJ article?was about the intersection between self-confidence and persuasion, namely that we can be?"overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard."?What are some ways to communicate more effectively and with confidence?"

Vanessa: "We have a tendency to expect stronger pushback from other people than we are likely to get. We assume that others will be more resistant to our pleas than they actually would be if we were to just ask, and we often believe that our opinions are farther apart from other people’s opinions than they are in reality. In essence, we are overly pessimistic about our ability to get others to listen to us and do the things we ask. As a result, we may overcompensate by pushing too hard. Alternatively, we may err too far in the other direction and hold back from asking for things or making our case altogether in order to avoid any perceived conflict.

?"The thing to keep in mind is that being clear and direct is not the same thing as being rude or overly assertive. So, the ideal tone to strike maintains that clarity and directness—the other person should clearly understand what you are asking of them—while not being overly assertive to the point where that person is likely to balk at your request or start to dig their heals further into a position you would like to move them from."

One way to get the tone right is to start from the assumption that someone would in fact be open to your request or position—if only they knew what you wanted—and talk to them the way you would if that were the case."

Follow Vanessa on LinkedIn.

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Next week's guest: Mohammed Iqbal

I'm looking forward to our next guest, Founder and CEO of Sweatworks Mohammed Iqbal. Since starting the company in 2012, Mohammed has grown this fitness-focused digital agency to work with brands like Strava, Bose, Nike, Equinox and many others. With that in mind, here's what I'll be asking Mohammed:

• You saw the digital potential for fitness ahead of the crowd. What do you see in terms of upcoming trends in the fitness and wellness space?
• What inspires your process and approach to innovation?
• What advice would you have for others who may be looking to build 'their own thing?'

Share your questions for Mohammed in the comments section below—and thank you for joining?You've Got This!