Values And Why They Matter

If I asked you right now, could you list your values and what they mean to you?

There’s a reasonable chance that you refer to your values from time to time, but there is a greater chance that you would struggle to list them in this fashion.?

I had never really considered my values until I explored them as part of coaching.?

More specifically during a module of a professional coaching qualification, we did a deep dive into values and beliefs.?

For me, this has since become part of my philosophy in coaching, and life in general.?

Over time, my observation has been that a lot of life and mindset issues come from not understanding your values, purpose and identity (or some combination of these).?

If you don’t know who you are (identity), what is most important to you (values) and how you want your life to be in the future (vision/purpose) then you lack the basic information needed to navigate life in a way that is true to you.?

I recognise that this is common, and also where I was for a chunk of my life.?

I was directionless for chunks of time, like a sailboat with no wind, being moved by time and tides. I was at least fortunate enough to discover small boosts of wind, things I found that I was passionate about that drove me in a positive direction for me.?

I think that this is why I frequently ran into the issues that I had. Self doubt and comparison behaviours throughout my career that I thought were protective, but ultimately became crippling.?

Because I didn’t have a firm understanding of my values, identity and ultimate purpose I was looking around me (both consciously and unconsciously) for inspiration.?

Picking up suggestions for how I should be- what I should say and do, how I should behave.?

The problem with this approach is that you need to get very lucky, to pick up ways of living that are in alignment with the values that you don’t yet understand.?

If how you conduct yourself on a daily basis does not align with your values, it generates a feeling of dissonance. Misalignment with how you know, at your core, that you should be behaving.?

It’s impossible to hold opposing viewpoints simultaneously, and it’s very uncomfortable to try. This is why you will then make excuses for yourself, and write a suitable internal story that will alleviate this feeling of dissonance.?

So, it’s safe to say that for me, exploring my values in more detail was a key part of my personal development in all respects.?

What are my values?

As I have already mentioned I suffered from a range of mindset issues throughout my life. The reasons for this are complex and not fully understood by me, and might be the subject of a future blog.?

Ultimately I now recognise that I just didn’t have the right information programmed in to allow me to navigate adult life. I believe that most people don’t have this, and some are lucky enough to gravitate towards living a life that works for them.?

Below I have outlined my core values, and what they mean to me.?

AUTHENTICITY– I should be what I say I am, and do what I say I will.

INTEGRITY– how I behave should be in accordance with what I believe is right.?

MAKE A DIFFERENCE– how I show up each day should be in alignment with my core desire to help people.

PRAGMATISM– the world is often less than ideal. I have to take it as I find it and work from there.?

BALANCE– all things exist in balance. It is up to me to recognise where I am at all times and work to maintain it.?

CHALLENGE– ‘all growth is a leap in the dark’. I aspire to be the kind of person who is constantly learning, growing and evolving. It is up to me to recognise where I am on the stress-performance curve, and adjust my actions appropriately.?

I have these written on a post-it note, which I keep on my computer as a constant reminder of the ‘rules’ I am playing this game of life by.?

When I feel a bit uncertain about what I am doing, and what I should be doing, I will refer back to these.?

Having these defined and well understood gives me a sense of grounding that I didn’t have before. I know the rules I am playing the game by, and as such I know my direction.?

It’s also a bit like navigating from point A to B. From time to time I refer to my map to orientate myself. Without this I would be relying on the environment to help me navigate.?

How to determine your own values?

There are a few ways to do this. I will lean heavily on how I did mine, as I have done this a couple of times now and developed a good feel for the process.?

You may have to just give it a try and see what works for you, but I can assure you the time will be well invested.?

The most straightforward, brain friendly way to start is with a values assessment tool. There are several available for free on the web, if you need to be signposted to one let me know and I will help with this.?

These tools present you with a large list of different values, and the idea is that you highlight the ones that resonate with you most. Try not to think too much about this, just go with your gut.?

As you work through the assessment you will narrow these down and group them into similar categories. Ultimately you should aim to have about half a dozen (slightly more or slightly less is ok too!).?

Review this list. How does it feel? Can you explain what each one means to YOU? Does it feel like anything is missing??

The next step I would recommend is working through some values questions. I would actually advise using the DeMartini values assessment method here, which I think you can still do free of charge (search for ‘Demartini values assessment’).?

When I did this I actually identified one that was missing, and had an interesting chat with one of the other coaches in training about why this was.?

The values assessment will prompt you to consider questions such as:

Can you identify a time when you were at your happiest/most proud/fulfilled and satisfied/in flow?

What do you spend most of your time doing?

What do you spend most of your money on?

This may help to challenge the core values you came up with from the first exercise, and also prompt you to make sure that each of them actually means something to you.?

Each of your values should be something that resonates with you, and represent a behaviour that you strive to demonstrate on a daily basis.?

Once you have your list, write it down somewhere you can access it when needed. As I mentioned above I get great comfort from having mine near me when I am working, somewhere I can refer to them on a regular basis.?

How comfortable are you currently with your core values?

What do they mean to you?

If you have worked through the process above, how did you find it?

Share your thoughts below.?