Values and Rules (Part 1)

Values & Rules 

So, for the next couple of blogs, I want to delve into something I know you are going to find absolutely fascinating – these are game changers to really change how we think about our life and especially any bad habits that are getting in the way of living a purposeful life.

Let's start with values and rules – I know I know, nobody like rules, these are rules but not as you normally think of them, let's jump straight in….  

Our values drive what we aim for in life, they are like our internal compass, if we are not fulfilling our core values, we will find ourselves in hot water - we need to accomplish our highest values first:

Do you know what your priority value is? Perhaps it is: 

• Comfort vs Passion
• Freedom vs Security
• Intimacy vs Success
• Love vs Success
• Success vs Rejection
• Adventure vs Security - just to name a few  

What are your key priority values and are you fulfilling them?

One of my core values is contribution, or more specifically helping others to be successful - helping firstly co-create and write the mind section of the STAR Life Course and latterly creating the 28 day RESET challenge, has helped fulfil this, so keeps me in a happy place, even though it has taken lots of time - “nothing good comes without effort” 

Pain vs Pleasure and Values vs Emotions

Let me introduce the concept of pain vs pleasure (i.e. we run towards pleasure or away from pain), and values vs emotions with an example:

If I asked you to go skydiving and your number one emotion you try to avoid at all costs is a sense of fear, it’s pretty obvious that you are not going to go skydiving, if however your number one value you want to avoid at all costs is a feeling of rejection, and you believe I may reject you if you don’t go, you may decide to jump out of a plane in spite of your fear e.g., values trump emotions 

If we link massive pain to any behaviour or emotional pattern, we will avoid indulging in it at all costs - we can use this understanding to harness the force of pain or pleasure to change virtually anything in our lives - what we link pain and pleasure to will shape our destiny 

For a change to last, we must link pain to our old behaviour and pleasure to our new behaviour  

We often have values conflicts based on our values hierarchy - if success is someone’s top moving towards value and rejection is their top moving away from value - this will cause conflict as they will sabotage themselves before truly succeeding on a major scale as people will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure 

About a year ago, I decided to book my first ever boys' ski trip (this is my adventure value coming out) and I was having to really fight my fear of rejection (that no one would want to come skiing with me), so that I can experience a ski trip with friends - in the past I would have forgone (and have done for about 15 years) planning the ski trip to avoid the possibility of rejection, but this time, I am taking back the reins.....

The first date I suggested only 1 person could make so I then really had to fight the fear of rejection, but I did, and we booked for January 2022, then COVID-19 stopped it and I was tempted to let my fear of rejection get the better of me, but I was busy creating the RESET challenge and I needed to practise what I preached. 

So I started to think about [and pray about] arranging another date (i.e. putting it out into the universe) and blow me down, within a couple of days, one of the chaps who was coming on the January trip flicked over a WhatsApp message asking if we were going to book some new dates which gave me the encouragement to book a date and we finally made it in March 2022 - boom :-). We also managed another trip on January 2023! 

Why did I just tell you that – because I know there will be some of you reading this who need to push past your fear of rejection or other fears, and start making plans to overcome something that has been holding you back and as Nike would say “Just do it” 

As an aside, I spend lots of time in The Reset Challenge looking at the causes of rejection and more importantly how to move beyond rejection to a purposeful life. 

How do we change our values?

But Jules, how can we change our values – that’s a great question?:

• Firstly we need to become aware of our current values to understand why we do what we do - what emotional states am I moving towards and what am I moving away from? 
• Secondly, start making conscious decisions about what values we want to live by in order to shape the quality of life and destiny we truly deserve 

So, that was values, and if that wasn’t complicated enough, on top of our values gets layered our “rules”, or what has to happen in order for us to feel good (hug, million dollars, made love to, respected, appreciated, below par at golf etc) - as long as we structure our lives in a way where our happiness is dependent upon something we cannot control, then we will experience pain e.g. if our rule for happiness is that everything must go exactly as planned, we are never going to experience happiness on a consistent basis - SO, our rules must allow flexibility.

However, you'll need to wait until next time when we delve into how to change your rules.  

Are you feeling overwhelmed, struggling with your values, or finding a way to reset and break out of the same old habits?

Now is the time to take action and make a change! Purchase my course, The 28-Day Reset Challenge, and get the tools and resources you need to reset your life and reach your goals. 28-Day RESET Challenge

The 28-Day Reset Challenge offers the following benefits:

- A step-by-step guide to help you reset your life, take control of your mind, get clarity on your purpose, and get rid of the stuff holding you back

- Actionable insights to restore your relationships

- Access to exclusive resources and tools

- Support from a community of like-minded individuals

Here's what others have said:

1. "This course is fantastic"
2. "It's full of wisdom that helped to shift my mindset around my deeply held limiting beliefs"
3. "Working with Jules and The Reset Challenge has literally saved my life"
4. "I’ve gained tools, ideas and motivation"
5. "Every day I uncover and learn more"
6. "I’m starting to live again, instead of just existing"
7. "As each session completes, I am connecting more dots in my life"
8. "The content is so valuable"

Take action now and purchase The 28-Day Reset Challenge - 28-Day RESET Challenge.

Thanks, to your freedom and success

Jules

Founder, The RESET Challenge