Value Yourself!

Whether you are setting out on your track at your first job or internship, have a career developing well, are at an employment pivot point or even approaching retirement, your values remain important to you. But are you truly taking all your important values into account?

Why do values matter

Our values are the cornerstone of how we feel, the underlying layer that we use to filter experiences and choices and that act as a structure for how we judge our own wellbeing. Through life these values may change and adapt, the demands of relationships, health, friends, family, location and employment, contending to press us into differing paths.

With so many opposing pressures, we can find it easy to lose track of what is really important to us. Or even go against things that we know are important to us, the end justifying the means. We may choose money over location, seniority over ethics, work over family. These decisions may not cause issues in the short term, but in the longer term, they all add up, impacting our mental and physical wellbeing.

For this reason, it’s important to take the time to re-assess and check-in with yourself on a regular basis. If we fail to do so, then we can easily find ourselves a long way from where we really want to be. Awake one day and realise that we have lost our way.

Remember a time

Each time you look at your values, you should do it as if it were the first time. Preconceptions about what our values are can often block the fact that they have changed. Keep yourself open to what you re-discover.

Revisit a positive memory, perhaps somewhere where you have connected with nature or a moment of great achievement. Sat watching the sparkling crests of waves on an ocean beach, or the dancing branches of trees in an wind-blown forest, maybe in a park and the perfect sheen on a single bright bloom or a mountain top sunset after a demanding climb. It might be bright warm summer air or crisp winter mist, the gentle fragrant rain of spring or the compost tang of autumn. Wherever or whenever the memory is, create it as fully as you can.

Now in your mind explore the memory for a while. the colours of all you see, the air redolent with mixed scents, the sounds of life and movement around you, the tang of life on your tongue, the warmth or chill in your body, the sensation as you run your hands over and through. Amongst all those sensations, how do you feel? Make a note of the emotions that this has conjured up for you. Describe the situation as fully as you can.

Next consider a negative memory. Perhaps you were feeling scared or alone, friends or family had left you, you had a long way to go, you were cold, tired, wet, sad, afraid. Again, let your mind explore around the scene you are revisiting. Rediscover the sensations and emotions you felt then and that resonate once more within you. Take a note of these as you did with the previous ones, the emotions, the situation.

Work with your memories

Now sit down with these two lists and look for the patterns, they don’t have to be single words, they may be phrases or concepts. See where the positives in one are faced by the negatives in the other, a few examples might be:

• Warm            vs        Cold
• With friends   vs        All alone
• Light              vs        Dark
• Wet                vs        Dry
• Nature            vs        City
• Health            vs        Money
• Family            vs        Work

Then examine the moments for things that are the ‘musts haves’ your life. These might be;

• Creativity
• Human contact
• Personal health
• Excitement and joy
• Personal challenges
• Wealth
• Family
• Safety
• Opportunities for learning
• …
• (There are many more possibilities)

You may have quite a long list by now. So to make things more manageable, group those that appear similar and find words or phrase that sum the groups up. You’re aiming to reduce them to a list of 5-10 items. You might find that working with the list exposes other memories and feelings, so take the time you need to complete the list properly. That may even mean pausing and returning another day.

Once you are happy with a list that resonates with how you see yourself, rank the items from most important to least. Again, this may take a little time.

You have your list of values

Once you have your list, you can assess yourself and your current life against your values. You could score yourself against each one or just write a short statement of how you feel you are doing. Whatever approach you take, this can be the basis on which to start to make changes in your life. Look to the values that are not being met and decide upon how you can better satisfy what you need yourself. Make personal plans for change, you now have a motivation.

Finally, put a reminder in your calendar … you really want to rerun this exercise again in 6-12 months!

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