Value you and others will follow....

There was a line at a local shopping centre this week and I asked a shopper "What is this line for?" The shopper did not know and it turned out that people had just joined the a line without knowing what they were lining up for. You see many people run a "sheep" mentality and take little responsibility around their actions.

This week I have had to set stronger boundaries than ever before. Could it be because Christmas is looming? One thing which I do know is when I value my time others follow my lead......

Is this another lesson is learning to say "NO" ?

Which is really a YES to me and valuing myself - No waiting in lines for unclear reasons for this little black duck !

While there is no magic pill (wish there was) Here is a reminder about how to say "No" Depending on the situation these are 8 ways which worked really well for me…..

1. Take a sip of water before answering the request

In meetings particularly I always would have a glass of water with me. As I was always super polite my “yes” would jump out prior to me having time to think about the response. Giving myself that 2 second delay in the beginning especially gave me time to reprogram my answer.

2. Let me think about that one and I will come back to you - when do you need an answer?

This gave me time to think again and put the request back on the person to answer the question about when they needed the answer rather than what the answer was yes or no.

3. I would love to commit to this but simply I have other priorities at the moment

Let the person making the request know that it is not the request rather the other priorities you already have committed too. It is not their suggestion or idea rather your workload currently.

4. I am currently in the middle of a deadline, how about we reconnect at X time? 

It is common to be working to a deadline or have requests when you are in the middle of something that needs to be finished. This is a perfect way to temporarily hold off a request and you are offering convenience to the other person by suggesting another time to connect.

5. This is not the direction I am taking currently but I am sure to keep you in mind.

If you are really not interested in an idea or concept someone has offered you let them know quickly. The more in depth discussion you have the more difficult it can be to say ‘NO’

6. I would love that but….

Simple and easy. I use this a lot with friends and work colleagues. The key here is to keep anything after the but short and sweet. The more you justify why the more ineffective this is. Give one short reason why and say no more.

7. Great idea however I am not an expert in that area. Why not asked X ?

If someone wants help from you in an area you are not wanting to contribute in or you have little resources in explain to them you are just the wrong person. Giving them another person or area to investigate means you are still helpful as they have a lead they can follow up on.

8. Thank you but no thank you.

Short, sweet and to the point. No explanation or justification just no thank you. I must admit I had to work up to that but it works the best. Most people accept the answer and just move on.

I love a trip but not a guilt trip! The next step for me was understanding of the guilt attached to each “no” This was my conditioning with years of saying “yes” Whenever I felt guilty I just took a step back and look for the belief in my “mind” that told me I did a wrong thing. I realised that there is no ultimate truth in a belief it is only an idea. This simple understanding liberated me of the self imposed guilt. It was just a new strategy and like any new habit it needed practice !