The value and power of assuming positive intent

日本語上手ですね

‘Nihongo wa jozu desu ne’ - or ‘Your Japanese is good’

...A phrase I often heard during my first business trip to Japan. I was keen to make a good impression with my colleagues in the Japan affiliate, and ensured I learnt a few key business phrases ahead of the trip. I felt touched when Japanese colleagues smiled patiently as I floundered but did my best to complete sentences with a flourish. I mentioned this to a Kiwi friend at dinner in Tokyo (a fluent Japanese speaker) and he told me ‘oh that’s a way of saying your Japanese is really awful, they are being condescending and laughing behind your back’. I shrunk back into my chair and fell silent; beads of embarrassment and inadequacy stung my cheeks as they reddened. Was this really what was meant when I made sincere efforts to converse in another language? I walked back to the hotel, admiring the neon lights embracing the skyline of Ginza, maybe it was the bright glow or the warm summer evening breeze but I suddenly felt energised and POSITIVE. What if my friend was wrong? What if my Japanese colleagues really did think my attempts at Japanese were good and they appreciated them? Armed with the power of assuming positive intent I resolved to keep trying to learn Japanese, speaking to native speakers whenever I could to practice (thanks for your patience Japan friends, you know who you are!) and watching as much Japanese Netflix as possible (Midnight Diner is my favourite, good cooking tips too).

Believe in the power and value of assuming positive intent

So where am I now? Well, assuming positive intent meant that I became engaged in a positive feedback loop whereby the more I spoke and practiced the more I felt like learning more. When cashiers in stores or hotel receptionists told me 日本語上手ですね I smiled modestly and said ‘mada mada desu’ - ‘a long way to go yet’; I gained the POWER to change the feelings of embarrassment and inadequacy to excitement and energy that spurred me to continue learning. I only realised the VALUE later by which time I had learnt the Japanese scripts of hiragana, katakana and around 200 kanji (ok, kids learn around 2000 by the time they finish high school, but it is a start!) - not only did I have enough knowledge to take the N5 Japanese Proficiency Language Test, I had also learnt a far more valuable lesson.

Assuming positive intent - why it matters so much when remote-working

I’ve had the experience of working remotely before the COVID-19 pandemic, maybe this has helped me to gauge and check-in with my emotions and that of others - which we know can be difficult to interpret via an email or a (video) call. There have been instances where my team members have said to me ‘X didn’t cc me on an email, I think it was on purpose...’ or ‘Y didn’t invite me to this meeting, I think they didn’t want me to attend’, or even ‘I think X hates me - they didn’t acknowledge me in their email to the senior management!’. Any colleagues reading this who have been on one of my teams, may have a wry smile on their face as they know what my response will be: ‘Assume positive intent’.

I have found applying these three words to *most* situations will immediately help - our heart rate slows down, our cheeks stop burning and the view suddenly clears. What if we instead assume that the colleague who didn’t cc us simply forgot, what if the person who didn’t invite us to that meeting felt that it would be an imposition of your time to add you to this meeting, what if you weren’t mentioned in a big group email but instead singled out for your efforts via a direct note from your manager to the senior management? I believe team members have also noticed when they do this their whole approach to that person or issue becomes very different. It would be remiss or perhaps even fairyland-like if I didn’t acknowledge that some people do engage with less than positive intent, but in general I’ve found that their negativity invariably bubbles to the surface, becoming unmasked and apparent, but their impact is not as profound as those who chose to transform their working style to that of positive intent.

Right now, more than ever we all need to be there for each other, to assume positive intent - it increases collaboration, strengthens relationships and speeds up issue resolution - we can all move forwards one positive step at a time - and perhaps this Japanese phrase is a pretty good way of expressing this sentiment 頑張って - “Ganbatte!” - “Do your best!”