The value of mentoring
Fiona Hurd
Consultant & Project Manager | Scrum Master | Working with founders in early stage, high growth startups to grow, scale and build community
I was at a networking event a few weeks ago and one of the questions that came up in the discussions was about mentorship. It’s something we are told via many channels (books, podcasts, career advice) that we should have in our lives, and yes the benefits and wins of having one are crystal clear, but in reality, it feels like another thing to add to our ever-growing to-do list.
Like many things viewed retrospectively once you have reaped the benefits mentoring it is often presented as something small, achievable and easy. And yes when you do find a great mentor where you both click and can help each other through problems whilst providing workable solutions it is great, but in my experience, it is a persistent, constant process where rejection and resilience go hand in hand.
WHAT IS A MENTOR?
Firstly we need to define what a mentor is, as different people hold different definitions. Is a friend giving professional advice a mentor? Can a mentor be a manger? And what about when the lines blur can a mentor be your friend too?
The European Mentoring and Coaching Council give the following definition and explanation of mentoring:
‘Mentoring is a developmental activity based on trust and established through conversations. Mentoring aims to develop the personal and/or professional competencies of the Mentee. The focus is on the individual and solutions they generate for their specific personal or professional context.”
In my experience the format of this relationship is a more experienced person sharing advise with a less experienced person, but equally, you can peer mentor people. Managers can be mentors, but in my experience it needs to made clear what hat you are wearing and that what is being communicated is wanted because we all love unsolicited advice right?!
HOW DO YOU FIND A MENTOR?
This is a big question and dependant on what you want really. Sometimes in jobs you are assigned one which can be good, but other times you need to seek someone out whose values and experience are in line with what you want to develop. I have had to go out and find mentors which can take time, involve rejection and often not match your original expectation which can be both good and bad.
Know what you are looking for is key, but be aware that as with anything in life this person will not provide the magical answers to all of your problems and you will need to commit and invest in this. Next step just ask, people can say no and people can say yes then back out or not follow things through and that is ok. I approach people who are in roles I would like experience in or have skills I would like more knowledge and confidence in, for example leadership and public speaking. Equally if I meet someone in a professional setting and we immediately click and get on well I always try and follow up with a coffee, also because I want to help others on their journey too. Alternatively, you could be looking for a mentor for a certain project you are working on. In my experience having a destination to get to with your mentor will be helpful and make you feel you are moving in the right direction.
CORE SKILLS OF MENTORING
My work recently organised a training event on mentoring which was useful in giving practical skills and information around the subject. In the training they identified the mentoring skills:
- Building rapport – this is obviously super specific to the mentor – mentee relationship, you could already have a good relationship, or you could be still getting to know each other. Investment in the mentor relationship will build this.
- Active listening – summarise their own words back to them, make person feel valued and acknowledged and encourage them to open up further. Ideally spend 70% listening
- Asking questions – ask questions from a place of curiosity, do not ask leading questions, ask from a place of curiosity. A good questioning framework to use is the GROW framework – Goal, Reality, Options, Wrapup/Wayforward. Advice should only be given when asked for.
- Feedback – this is so useful in all types of development, but so often when we get feedback it is woolly and undefined and gives us nothing concrete to work with. A great way to provide feedback around is the BOOST model it really breaks down the different facets of feedback and provides detailed, structured information that you can work with and grow from.
JUST DO IT
For me having regular mentoring meetings (monthly) is proving really useful and enjoyable, it the gives me motivation to work on the topics we have spoken about or at the very least think about them in more detail or consider something that wasn’t previously on my radar. It won’t be for everyone and that is ok I am conscious I am a very structured person. But if you are curious about it then definitely give it a go you have nothing to lose and potentially lots to gain.
Full post originally appeared here.
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