Valuable Life Lessons I learnt from my Teta

These past few months have been nothing short of surprises and unexpected events. Every time I thought I made it through the worst, new sad events dampened my attempts. The latest of these twists was the passing of my grandmother Teta Fatmeh. 

Teta was born in Beirut of the 1920’s. She lived her entire ninety years of life in the politically troubled city of Beirut. Her life was nothing short of heroic; raising six children on very little, living among the refugees and armed militias, and surviving off a troubled economy that never recovered from the hardship of war.

She took solace in a little hookah pipe, anywhere she went. She cried at the news of the Lebanese youth losing their lives in the war and laughed at Emojis her grandchildren sent to her from the countries they immigrated to. 

Though her marriage was arranged, her subsequent relationships to kin and neighbors would develop with great depth and maturity. Eventually grandma would become a savvy judge of character and a mercurial navigator of dispositions. 

 Observing her life in retrospect, I think grandma left me with valuable lessons in interaction. They can be applied to business and management. She used charisma and an openness to risk-taking to create opportunity with anyone.

In her later years, my film-maker brother Mahmoud Kaabour made a documentary film about her which ended up winning multiple awards including an Audience Award of 100,000$ presented by Robert de Niro at Tribeca. As an aspiring career woman and mother, I attribute remarkable leadership traits to my grandma, Teta Fatima.  

 Here are her strongest lessons.

 1.    Protect the Team 

My recollection of grandma’s living room is a space where people met for shelter and help. Regardless what ensued outside, war or hunger, her little home was a safe space for her children to take respite, plan for life, and exchange ideas. She took on a share of everyone’s pressures, like caring for grandchildren, making meals and giving advice. Effective leaders like her can insulate their dependents from external pressures rather than pass them on, so the unit can carry on functioning at its best possible capacity. In the business world, this means absorbing pressures so the team can carry on.

 2.      Acknowledge the elephant in the room.  

Teta Fatima had a brash sense of directness. While Arab culture tends to be sensitive to confrontation and careful of taboo topics, my grandmother had a razor-sharp manner with any unfolding matter. Rather than waste time on introductions or worry too much about the feelings of the party at fault, she always addressed the elephant in the room. She avoided siding with the boys against girls or preferring a relative to another. As a result, her sense of justice was deterring. Everyone behaved their best around her. Even more, she inspired a sense of justice in everyone that minimized conflicts. 

3.       Find your music in the chaos 

Sometimes music is the only medicine the heart and soul needs. Teta’s adoration of music was an expression of her life-long love for her violinist husband. Since he parted, she invoked his presence with music. When times were hard, especially during the Lebanese Civil War, grandma would throw impromptu parties. She is encouraged anyone present to clap and sing in unison and shake off the stress formed by the mind. These circles were loud and expressive, and people always felt relieved afterwards. 

When I compare those days with the dead ends of looming deadlines, or my teams falling under the grip of stress, I often look for similar practices to align energies and distract momentarily from tension. And while dancing and singing are only two suggestions, I still believe that musical practices in the workplace can refresh most.  

4.      No Pretenses

Grandma achieved so much with humble means but never shied away from her inabilities. She lived her life as an illiterate person, having been denied education as a young girl as was common at the time. She was fierce negotiator at the market and a riveting storyteller among her clan, but she was as much as ease to admit when a situation required talents she did not have. “I can’t read or write” sh’d say, before calling in someone for help. She did so without a hint of shame, which always won her respect. A true leader, I believe, can admit when additional skill is needed beyond their own.

 5.       Show Good Will

Grandma always gave a bit extra when she transacted. She believed what she was told was true. She gave the benefit of the doubt. All of these are examples of her grace. It elevated her with whoever dealt with her and kept her as the unchallenged leader in her clan. 

In a work culture that has become transactional and commercial in all its dealings, and more focused on goals than the people driving them, my grandmother reminds me of the value of grace. A successful leader can see the potential in any employee striving to meet assigned goals and will deal with them kindly and humanely first and foremost. There blooms the flower of loyalty and hard work. And that’s where corporations can rise like strong and tight families.

Grandma, you’re teaching me still!