Validation Versus Confirmation
Dorothy A. Martin-Neville, PhD
Guiding Visionary Leaders Through Transition to the Freedom of Transformation and Developing Their Legacy. Challenging paradigms, discovering innovative solutions, and honoring value-driven leadership on all levels.
Imagine someone says:?
“That project came out great.”
versus
“That project came out great; clearly you put your heart and soul into it.”?
With the first, the confirmation of what you know, it did come out great, feels good. Someone saw what you did.
With the other, someone saw you in addition to what you did. That feels so much better.
We have the ability, in consciously choosing our words, to have greater impact and influence. I am often told that people need to run things by me because I have a way with words. They want a less confrontational, or problematic, way of saying something. What that “skill” is, is really simply taking the time to understand how something will be heard and intentionally saying it in such a way that there is no, or far less, room for interpretation.?
It doesn’t take decades to learn that what we say is frequently not what is heard. We know what we mean but what they hear can be something we never even would have thought of, much less said. Like any habit, or style, it needs to be learned. The tricky part, however, is that we have to want to learn. We have to put in the time in order to learn through practice.?
A short while ago I wrote about values. If one of your values is sharing love and/or respect for all those you interact with, sharing your thoughts or ideas with far more thoughtfulness supports them in feeling your intent. The biggest benefit is that what you meant to say is what is heard. Secondly, people come to hear not simply what you say but who you are.?
In a sad world where aggression, demands, and the fastest way possible can reign supreme, kindness and compassion stand out. Noticing who someone is and not just what they do is so extraordinary they will notice it immediately. It does not cut down on efficiency, it motivates and makes folks more invested in achieving your and their goals. Consequently, it does not cost time in productivity; it is simply time well spent.
Being validated feeds the ego. It allows us to feel seen and appreciated, and of course it connects more deeply to what it is we are striving to achieve.
You have the ability in every interaction, and I am not for one minute talking about empty compliments; they are degrading. I am talking about seeing the person you are talking to. Who they are, what they have achieved, who they have helped, and mostly affirming their worth.?
Powerful and easy.
Don’t fear excess, we don’t have that much time for unnecessary conversations in our day but do we do have the option of using the time we have in seeing all those we are walking the earth with. So why not make the interactions filled with your impact and influence??
Dorothy
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Guiding Visionary Leaders Through Transition to the Freedom of Transformation and Developing Their Legacy. Challenging paradigms, discovering innovative solutions, and honoring value-driven leadership on all levels.
9 个月There is such a difference that not only has greater impact but also supports greater connection.