Valentine's Day has a rather bloody?history

Some people believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial — which probably occurred around A.D. 270 — others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.

There are a number of legends regarding who Valentine was however most suffered a martyr’s death at the hands of the Roman emperor Claudius II

One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.

We take a somewhat less bloody perspective today with the days filled with love and roses when the day provides a commercial bonanza for florists and greeting card manufacturers —with 150 million cards sent in the USA — making 50% of the population happy or envious.

The course of true love never runs smooth according to William Shakespeare, and is evidenced but the fate of historic Valentines and disenchanted lovers through the ages.

However there are psychological tools and tricks which can be used to prevent the worst consequences of unrequited love. An excellent synopsis of these are contained in Jennifer Clinehens new book How to Solve Impossible Problems: A guide to the thinking tools of CEOs, philosophers, inventors, and billionaires. In the book she details 17 biases that we all have which distort our decision making, where she proposes “We usually rely on cognitive biases when we’re emotional, rushed to decide, or feel social pressure to make a choice. However, everyday thinking and decision-making are subject to cognitive biases as well. As an introduction to these “thinking traps” I’ve outlined seventeen common cognitive biases and ways to avoid them in your everyday thinking.”

In love and negotiations three psychological biases stand out as relevant to the day at hand…

Halo Effect

The tendency for people to let one positive trait guide their total opinion of a person, product, or experience. For example, studies have shown that we consider good-looking individuals more intelligent, more successful, and more popular than less good looking peers.

To avoid this bias, ask yourself: What do I really like about this [person/ place/ idea]? Do I feel the same way if I imagine this [person/ place/ idea] without their “halo” trait?

Sunk Cost Fallacy

The tendency for people to keep pursuing a bad idea because they don’t want to lose the time and money they’ve already invested in it. This fallacy is often described as “throwing good money after bad.”

To avoid this bias, ask yourself: Am I emotionally attached to the work I’ve already done? If I was an outsider observing the project right now, would I suggest that we kill it or keep going? What’s the worst thing that could happen if I cut my losses and abandon this project?

Hyperbolic Discounting

This is the tendency for people value immediate rewards like sleeping in, over long-term rewards like being fit. This means people have to outwit their own psychology in order to get in a workout or achieve other goals.

To avoid this bias, ask yourself: What tends to win in my mind — the here and now or the longterm benefits? Which is more important to me in the long run — comfort or this goal? Hint: Picture yourself in 10 years — are you better off for having prioritized the bigger picture?

Optimism Bias

The tendency for people to think they’re less likely to experience something negative or fail.

To avoid this bias, ask yourself: Am I understanding the riskiness of this situation? Have I planned for failure, just in case? What’s the worst thing that could happen if I fail?

She comments that “The Bottom Line An interesting feature of cognitive biases is that even if you’re aware of them, you still have to stay attentive to what biases might be driving your thinking.

So perhaps awareness of our all too human decision making bias we can be better equipped to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.

Happy Valentine’s Day.