Vacare - A Letter to a Friend

Dear Friend,

I'm concerned about your progress in your fight for joy. Let's be honest, you haven't been yourself, and it's obvious that something is troubling you. You shared that you're having difficulty sleeping, but it's quite obvious that your lack of sleep is due to your challenges with relaxing and releasing before resting. It sounds like you're struggling against the quicksand of depression. You begin your day before the sun does, and the weight on your shoulders of thinking critically, resolving layered problems, and simplifying complexities grows heavier. You told me how people are depending on you in the office. You're leading projects that require updates, and you're creating solutions that require tweaking. Your family needs you. So do friends. It's as if the universe is in a tug-of-war match with your time and efforts, and you're quickly becoming drained.

My fear is that your perpetual movement is leading you to stagnant progress. I can relate because I've been there. Let me guess - each day you're asking how can someone who is always running take a look around and see the same landmarks? You are mentally drained but positionally the same. You're racing at a pace that is record breaking miles per hour but you're spending hours within the same mile. You are a living metaphor.

You feel as if you're running on a treadmill outside - Maximum perceived effort for minimal actual distance.

After speaking with your mom (yes, I was concerned about you so I called her), I understand your circumstances better. Not only do you have a great deal on your plate, you're eating from the buffet. I know this isn't a surprise. You have realized that to accomplish your goals, bring your dreams into reality, and arrive at your promised land, you will have to sacrifice. You don't mind the work, but the trouble is in the notion that the work is dictating your mind. You have equated work with worth, and since you have an imposing mountain to climb, the time it is taking to make an impact has caused you to think you're not impacting at all.

That could not be any further from the truth. Not only are you making a difference, but your worth is not defined in your circumstances. Do you remember the talk we had when you began your career? The trap of success is thinking your life is worth less until you work more. I'm not going to lie to you - winning is great. The first pay raise, the first five pounds dropped, the first bit of debt eliminated, and you want more. But we don't always win do we? Sometimes we're don't get the promotion and there are times when we have disagreements with friends. Our circumstances can be complicated and that can encourage our emotions to fade into sadness. Happiness is not always achieved in the moment, and friend, just like getting through traffic, we have to take a deep breath and understand that this part of life might be uncomfortable, we might be here longer than we want, but it too shall pass. It's easier said than done, but this season in life is not a time to give up, but instead it's a time to keep giving. Keep going. Keep growing.

Do you remember when I told you about my happiness for reading as a child? I loved reading. Watching words flutter off the page and paint imagery in my mind was intoxicating to me. I wondered how the protagonist was going to be get out of this predicament, how the supporting characters would react to that revelation, or how the victim would comprehend these findings. Imagine my frustration when my sprinting eyes would run into a page void of words aside from a glaring This page intentionally left blank.

I remember saying aloud, "Surely, you can't be serious," to which the book replied, "I am serious. And don't call me Shirley."

Blank pages might be devoid of paragraphs, but they are still placed with purpose. Due to engineers meticulously planning how to print double sided pages to get the most value with the least amount of waste, they discovered that some pages must be "vacat" in order for the book to be complete. Rather than finding that the allegedly empty page being a mistake, we can be assured that it is intended. The Latin word vacare from whence we gained the word "vacant" simply means empty, but it does not mean forgotten.

It does not mean inferior.

It does not mean useless.

It means the page has no words related to the chapter so that the following sentences will have enough pages for the story.

And friend, this just might be where you are in your novel. The previous chapter ended with a cliffhanger, and while you're ready to see what happens next, this part of life needs you to wait just a little longer, but the story will continue. I recall you taking tests in school where you saw pages lacking problems that you used for your advantage: those blank pages became "scratch paper". You'd use the empty spaces to check your work - to make sure that how you answered the questions made sense. You'd use those vacant pages to doodle - let your mind run free in the freedom of nothingness. And while as you encounter this "vacare" season of life, you may have to wait a moment for the next part of your story, but you don't have to wait in silence. You can create. You can imagine. You can experiment. You can build.

You can be you.

Yes, friend.

Be. You.

You need to hear that, especially right now as you're thinking you have to do more to be accepted, when the truth is you can do more because you are accepted.

What you do does not define who you are, but who you are dictates how you do what you do.

So finish the projects knowing that you're good enough. Positively impact your family knowing that you're good enough. Be a better friend knowing that you're good enough. Be patient during the holding patterns of life knowing that you're good enough. Be you.

Because you're good enough.

Love, your friend,

Karsten.

p.s. I felt silly writing this letter to this "friend" when there really is no friend - it's me. But sometimes the friend we need is the one inside of us. Sometimes we have to reassure ourselves. Sometime me taking the time to converse with (or in this case, write to) me shows that I have to take time for myself before I can take time for others. Now, stop writing and reading yourself and go turn these pages that are vacare into a life that is victorious.