UTMB: A dream come true

Last weekend I completed the Ultra Trail du Mont Blanc. An ultra marathon race seen as the Wimbledon of ultra running. A dream which started eight years ago when I first heard about this race. A race I thought I would never run myself. The distance (170 km), the difficulty (10,000 vertical meters up and the same distance down) and the entry process (complete three similar races to be able to just enter the lottery) made it more a dream than reality. However, slowly but surely as I was growing in the ultra marathon space and gaining experience this dream in the back of my head became more viable. Viable to such an extent that on Friday August 31 at 18h00 I was one of the 2561 lucky ones to stand at the starting line and hear Conquest of Paradise being played minutes before the start (I wave at 1m55 in the video below).

The race traditionally starts off at a crazy pace and without paying attention I was leaving the streets of Chamonix behind me at 13km/h (4m37s/km). Certainly not a sustainable pace. My primary focus was on getting into a good rhythm (the first 8 km were relatively flat) and to activate my strategy. I had divided the race up into 25 legs with each leg having a specific time goal. Those 25 legs were grouped into four phases which roughly equaled a marathon each (see picture below for more details).

Phase 1: Chamonix - Les Contamines (31km)

Based on my training and calculations I believed I would be capable of running a sub 30 hour race. This would put me around position 100-150. As a result, I based my time goals on a 29 hour finish giving me 1 hour of margin, for in case the wheels would come off. Departing on this goal meant that I wanted to arrive on the top of the first climb after 1h34. Given the fast starting speed of the race, and my personal desire to start slower I knew this would be tight. I arrived at the top of Le Delevret after 1h37 and was content. Next came the downhill to St. Gervais. Steep ski slopes which fortunately weren't too slippery. However the quads were receiving their first beating when charging downhill. I arrived exactly as planned after 41 minutes. By now it was raining and my new rain jacket was serving its purpose. As I entered the checkpoint I took out my drinking bottles as they needed a refill. One of the many volunteers along the course saw me and helped me pour my powders and water into the bottles. I would encounter such friendliness throughout the whole race and it is one of the many things that makes this race truly unique.

Next up was Les Contamines, the first checkpoint where outside assistance was allowed. The map makes this leg look relatively easy but it was another 1h19. Everywhere along the route there were spectators shouting: "Allez, allez, allez" or "Bravo, courage". It was truly an amazing feeling heading up these smaller climbs. After 3h39 (plan was: 3h33) I arrived at Les Contamines. Four friends traveled with me to the Alps and they would be awaiting me there. We had discussed before the race what I wanted (new drinking bottles, some food and a good pep talk) and that the objective should be to get me out of there as quickly as possible. I saw my friend Reinjan in the tent and he had laid out all the food as discussed. I was enjoying myself and after eating 1 rice cake (risotto rice, egg, bacon) I was out again. I smiled to the camera and told my "followers" that I would see them in the morning again at Courmayeur. I ran out of the tent, hugged and high-fived my other three friends and departed into the night.

Phase 2: Les Contamines - Courmayeur (49km)

Now the real race would start as it marked the first proper climb to Croix du Bonhomme. I was speed-walking up the mountain and felt good. After 1h19 (planned 1h18) I arrived at La Balme. I took a quick hot soup, drank three cups of water and continued. The weather was turning worse. More rain, more fog and decreasing temperatures. The good thing is that it helps you focus and you just want to continue. After 1h20 (planned 1h15) I arrived at the Croix du Bonhomme. The descent to Les Chapieux went quite smooth except for when I misstepped. The ground was 10 cm lower than what I thought and my knee got quite a shock from this. This shouldn't happen too often I thought to myself. I arrived after 35 minutes (planned 36). Next came one of the longest climbs. By now it was nearly 1 AM. As the climb went on I started to feel a headache pop up. A sensation I had never felt before. This must be height sickness I thought. Something which I hadn't felt one month earlier when training here. There would be medics at the top so I continued. At the Col de la Seigne I asked them for some water because of my headache. They said "No" but also calmed me by saying: "Just go down it will disappear". So I did and the headache did disappear. Due to the very bad weather the Col des Pyramides had been removed from the route. I understood fully. During training this climb was by far the most technical with many loose slabs and snow. Doing this at -10 (which was the temperature sensation that we had) would be irresponsible. As a result, I was down in Lac Combal after 33 minutes. Nice! I walked into the aid station and ate some bananas, drank a soup and was again helped by a very friendly volunteer filling up my drinking bottles. The next few km were flat and I was enjoying them because I knew how nice this scenery was from the training even though I couldn't see it.

The climb to Mont Favre went smooth (56 minutes actual vs. 55 planned) and I was starting to slowly think about Courmayeur. The descent to Col Chercouit was however more difficult and I misstepped again and fell down flat on my face. I was still intact, my running poles were still intact and I could continue. But then my flashlight started blinking. That meant: battery change. For exactly these moments the organization obliges all participants to have 2 headlights. I took off my bag, took out my second headlight, turned it on, took battery out of my first headlight, replaced it, turned it on and put my second headlight back in the bag. I was ready to continue and after 39 min (planned 33 min) I arrived at Col Chercouit. Only 4,30 km left until I would see my friends again. I sped downhill and accepted that my legs were getting a beating again from going downhill at this pace. But I couldn't care. I smelt the halfway mark.

I arrived at Courmayeur sport centre at 05h43AM ready for an early breakfast. Not only were my friends there but also my parents. It was a great sensation to see them there. Having them support me not just now, but during all the training as well. This support was giving me wings and I was really starting to feel it in this race. Upon entering the sport center there was Niels awaiting me. The table was filled with prepared goodies and I quickly took that task upon me of eating as much as possible. Banana, sausage, nuts, rice cake, everything. A change into a dry shirt made me feel fresh again. I had given myself 15 minutes to lay down and the ground felt lovely. I was starting to feel my left knee more and more. I wasn't worried, but it was just the part of the body that was hurting most. After a very brief period (not more than 5 minutes) of lying down and thinking again of what I needed to do (tape my fingers again, give Niels the spare battery for charging) I decided that I was ready to go. I took a bottle of water in my hand, some sausages and left the building. One last goodbye to my parents and off I was.

Phase 3: Courmayeur - Champex-Lac (46km)

It would become day now. Something which is always nice to look forward to. However it is also the moment where I experience the most drowsiness. I decided to put on my music. Techno music always keeps me awake and I settled into a good pace to Bertone. I joined a group of 5 climbing at the same pace. Two of whom who were happily chatting away about previous races and other athletes who they both new. I became aware that I was entering new territory. As I was gaining places (how many, or what position I was I didn't know) the athletes around me were "looking" less and less like me. Their bib numbers also had one or two digits less than mine. Oh well I thought, I am still running according to my plan so all is well. It was finally light when I arrived at the top of Bertone (actual 1h13 vs. planned 1h13).

Next would be one of the nicest parts of the course running to Bonatti and then Arnouvaz. I was feeling good, very good, as I was flying across the scenery. As I overtook one of the "uphill talkers" of before I shouted "Let's go, let's go". These are the highs during a race. When everything goes in a flow and you know you are surprising yourself with how you are doing compared to the amount of effort you are putting in. Wow. What a race! And then when coming down into Arnouvaz I was encountered with a surprise visit of my parents. How cool! They had taken the bus to come see me here. What a moral booster. As I crossed the river I was talking to them and they were just as enthused about the surroundings as about seeing me. "Paul, isn't it beautiful here? Yes mom, it is very beautiful" :). It was good talking about the surroundings for a bit (even though it did make me realize that I was really extremely focused on one thing only) as it avoided thinking about the huge climb up the Grand Col Ferret ahead of me. The problem with this climb, apart from being very long, is that you don't see the top until very late. That is very frustrating. As it was day by now we were also encountering walkers on the trail. So the feeling of passing people did add to the sensation of making progress. The wind was picking up and as I got higher there was more and more fog. So unfortunately the views started disappearing. I arrived at the top exactly as planned 1h12 and took some cliff blocks (sort of gummi bears full of sugar) at the top.

What followed was the longest downhill of the race (+/- 20km) until the climb to Champex-Lac. I remember from my training one month before that this is where I could really get some speed. During training I was passed on this downhill by four elite athletes (all sub-25 hour runners) and I remember being amazed at their speed. It is also one of their quotes that I remembered during the race that helped push myself. One of the guys back then wanted to pause half way when, I guess the leader of the gang said: "No on continu, il faut attaquer le descendre" (No we continue, we need to attack the downhills). And so, I also started attacking this downhill. However things were starting to feel different. The amount of effort required to sustain the pace was increasing and I was feeling my left knee more and more. This was not a good sign. I still managed to keep the pace as I arrived after 1h09 in La Fouly (planned 1h12). I refilled my bottles there and took some bananas. I remember not really wanting to leave the aid station but also not wanting to rest there. I was contemplating a toilet break, but couldn't be bothered to walk back (as it was just before the aid station I had just entered). My mind was now bringing up all sorts of considerations and slowly the remaining distance of the race (60 km) was entering my mind making me immediately feel more tired. Luckily I could suppress these feelings and I continued on. However they came back even stronger as I went on with thoughts popping up: "How are you going to finish this?", "You are not going to be able to keep this pace going", "You are going to lose (many) places", "Your sub 30 hour goal is out of reach". I had encountered my first very low moment (after 17h27 of racing). I was running but mentally I was not there at all. Normally, I would have my running mate Duco next to me (who I have run all my previous ultramarathons with, but this time he wasn't here). I decided to do the next best thing and give him a call. Luckily he picked up as I explained him that it was all going terrible, my knee was problematic and that I didn't know whether I could keep it going. In response, he told me that it was going amazing and that I was in position 100 (which I didn't know until then). There was no need for me to panic. A top 200 (top 8%) or even top 300 (top 12%) finish would still be amazing. I guess he was right, I knew my time target was extremely ambitious and running three quarters of the race on this schedule was already amazing. The 2 minute conversations gave me perspective again and was a moral booster. As soon as I had heard enough I hung up (I discovered after the race that it was rather blunt leaving Duco with the feeling that he hadn't contributed anything. But all that needed to be said, was said). I continued on. I managed to pick up the running pace as I ran through the village of Praz de Fort. It was not at 13km/h as in training but I was happy with my 11.5km/h. I arrived at the bottom of the climb to Champex-Lac ready to tackle it at a steady pace as I was looking forward to seeing the support crew again. After 2h18 (vs planned 2h10) I finally arrived in Champex. Looking back I was happy that this drama only cost me 8 minutes. But that was peanuts compared to what would come next.

Phase 4: Champex-Lac - Chamonix (46km)

I arrived in Champex ready to eat quickly and leave however in the meantime Duco had called the crew and told them to convince me to get a massage for my knee. I did so. It was nice lying down on a stretcher for a second. I was also hoping that it would improve my knee but I wasn't so sure. The guys also boosted my morale by reiterating that it was going great and there was no need to panic. There wasn't, but the mind was wanting to take its own conclusions. After 25 minutes I was ready to continue. I zipped up my jacket, took out my gloves as I walked passed the beautiful lake of Champex. I had to accept that I couldn't run the next kilometers. This was very frustrating as people were passing me and I knew this section was very runnable. Oh well. I was happy to reach the foot of the climb to La Giete as climbing I could still do. I enjoyed this climb during training and I began fresh again. I went up steady but I knew it was a much slower pace than planned. After 3h13 I reached La Giete (vs. 2h26 planned) and only 5 km of descent separated me from seeing my crew again. Pffff, that was hard. Running was barely possible (because of the knee) and it took me 58 minutes compared to 42 planned. But I was extremely happy to see the guys again. Only 29 km left.

My energy level at Trient was ok, the guys suggested me to take another massage but as it hadn't helped me and I quickly dismissed the suggestion. I did however experience trouble breathing in very deeply and I decided to see the doctor. I entered an extremely cosy and warm room with about 6 medics and the volunteer registering the DNF's (did not finish, the people who decide to pull out at that aid station). This was extremely dangerous territory. I needed to get out ASAP before my head would start telling me that it would be absolutely fine to quit. After 15 minutes I left the aid station ready for the climb to Catogne that I hadn't done in training. What a terrible climb it was. By far the steepest of the race. And as I started I felt that all the energy in my legs was gone. I got the feeling that I was going backwards so slow. I decided to pause (the first time in the race during an ascent) and lie down on a rock. Oh that felt soo good. So nice and cold (and soft). I think I took three minutes before I stood up and felt reborn and I was able to finish the climb at a good pace. Now the downhill. I was annoyed that I couldn't run easily but I tricked myself by placing myself in between two people running down. As it was a single track they couldn't overtake and if forced me to run as well. I arrived in relatively good spirits in Vallorcine (2h33 vs 2h16 planned). The last place to see my crew.

I took a brief couple of minutes in Vallorcine before I continued. I was smelling the barn! Only 18 km left. The route had been adjusted because of rockfall the week before and instead of 1 long climb it was 2 shorter climbs. After a couple of km I crossed a main road to start the first real climb where a car was parked with music blasting out of the speakers. It was my support crew who had made a surprise stop. Amazing! I started the climb in full spirits. The pace was slow but steady. Once at the top there was the worst descent of the whole race. Rocks, roots, mud. Simply terrible. I had to use my poles for each step to not trip or put too much weight on my knee. The pace was terribly slow and there seemed to be no end in sight. Then, finally at the bottom of the descent with Chamonix just below us it was another 400 meter climb to La Flegere. How sadistic. Chamonix was right there! At least it wasn't a descent and I slowly made my way to La Flegere. At just before midnight I arrived there as I waved into the camera. Only 8 km to go. I knew there was going to be a problem here. 8 km of descent in the state I was in was still going to be a long time. It should take me 45 minutes but as I started going down the ski slope I knew running was out of the question. I tried going down backwards (which was indeed quicker) but it made me dizzy so I stopped that. Then the only thing that is left is to just go step by step. Largest part of the descent was through the forest and the rocks and roots by now were killing me. A badly positioned foot or a slight jerk of my knee would send pain sensations through my whole leg. It was all so close but so incredibly far. Every 5 minutes I would see a headlamp appearing in the forest above me from a person overtaking me. Many of whom I recognized and had spoken to during the race. One of the "talkers" from the climb to Bertone passed me and complemented me on my strong race and wished me "Bon courage" for the last part. I would get there he said. I put on music on my phone and instead of connecting my headset I just put the speaker on maximum volume. Anything to keep me going, the end of the forest was nowhere in sight. I texted the crew "Taking long, cannot run am walking, will get there" because I knew the time tracker would put my expected time much quicker than what I was actually doing.

Then finally I left the dirt road behind me and I arrived on the streets of Chamonix. I called my brother (who lives in Bangkok and where it was 0600AM and he had stayed up all night) to tell him I was going to finish. Then I saw two of my crew awaiting me on the outskirts of Chamonix ready to walk with me. How cool! I was so relieved to be walking here. We talked a bit as I was telling them that I really had nothing left in me. The tank, physically and mentally, was empty. Then we hit the main street and they left me alone to make a victory lap and cross the finish line. I was able to run the last 300 meters because, well because there was the finish line in sight. As I neared towards it I erupted in a couple of "YES, YES, YES". As soon as I crossed the line I hugged the guys and thanked them (of course after having stopped my watch first :) 31h41m - position #164).

They asked what I wanted to do and I said drink a beer and watch the finish. So we did. Until I got too cold and started shivering and we went to the apartment. I took a shower, discovered two black toe nails, washed off all the mud, soaked in the clean water and went to bed. The crew cooked me two hamburgers which I put next to my bed so I could eat them during the night. Finally a bed.

The next day

After a short night with a couple of hours of sleep I could feel that the legs had gone into recovery mode. I could barely get out of bed with all my muscles and knees aching. Nothing to worry about, things would just take more time. We headed into town to go for lunch together with my parents who joined. The clouds had cleared and it was a beautiful day as people were still finishing the race. We cheered them on as we sat outside in a restaurant 300 m from the finish. What an amazing day!

On hindsight

This was a journey I will never forget. Not just for the feeling of achievement, yes that feeling is amazing, but even more so for the feeling of gratitude. Gratitude for the fact that I can and am able to run such an amazing race and be accompanied by such an amazing support crew during the race. It’s a cliché, but it really feels like it, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without them!

There are still many areas that I look forward to understanding better and hopefully write about. What keeps me going during the absolute lows? How do I embrace failure before and especially during the race? How does it impact my other roles in life? To what extent is it nature vs. nurture? How much is it mental vs. physical? And lastly, why? That last question is the hardest and I look forward to growing my understanding, and formulating an answer, of that question for the foreseeable future.

Thanks for reading. What do you think I should write about? More about the preparation and physical aspects of it? Or more about the mental challenges?

Paul

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Links:

• My official results
• Best of video clip (3m25):

• Very short inspirational movie ("If you want something you have never had, you must be willing to do something you have never done.” by Thomas Jefferson.):

• It was not just me who broke down in Champex-Lac, the leader of the race Zach Miller pulled out of the race here and you can see him suffering on this: