Using Tribalism For Good

Have you ever tried to have a 'civil discussion' with someone in your family, or among your Facebook friends, who is on the opposite side of the political spectrum from you? Perhaps you've argued a point on LinkedIn or Twitter with someone who doesn't seem to "get it" from your rational, well-thought-out point of view. Someone who is so vehemently opposed to your views that you can tell they think you are an idiot...when you clearly are not? I thought so. Even those of us who consider ourselves "moderate" and "rational" have had this experience.

Everyone - and this includes me - thinks they "right" (most of the time) and that we are thoughtful in forming our beliefs. As a general rule, we surround themselves with people who feel, or at least sound, the same as we do. There's a reason this happens: Tribalism. We all want to belong, and so once we find our tribe, we defend it at all costs. We push others away and see non-members of our tribe as a threat. We get cozy with those who feel familiar, similar, non-confrontational. It's instinct.

But I'd argue that this is harming us not only in our relationships, but in our work as well.

When I saw this video from the creator of "Social Good Now," it all clicked for me. I've revisited this a few times, taken a look at other videos on social effects and cognitive biases, and this has helped me consider things differently in my own life... and in my work as a researcher, interviewer, focus group moderator and consultant. Watch it, and I think you'll see why.

https://www.socialgoodnow.com/why-facts-dont-convince-people-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

In a nutshell, facts don't convince people.

Since humans from the time of early adolescence onward work to fit into a "pack" or a "tribe" (i.e. look at any tween's Instagram feed and you'll see what I mean!), we also instinctively become less empathetic to other groups. "Us vs. Them" brings a feeling of security. However, we have to deal with people who are not like "us" on the regular...and it might take a bit of work, but we can build empathy by looking for ways to identify as part of the same "group." It can be a "thing we have in common," no matter how small.

It's OK to be wrong. Admitting that you "might be wrong" helps you listen differently. It definitely helps me as a qualitative researcher. And when people on opposing sides both take this view, real listening takes place and change is possible.

We have to learn to get past our own, natural biases. Or at the very least, we need to admit that we have them, that everyone does, and use that as a starting point. I'd be happy to be part of the tribe that is willing to admit it's not about being right, the tribe that wants to listen to others to see where we can connect, to build a foundation where understanding can be built. Want to join me?