Using stress to your advantage

To me there can be “good stress” and “bad stress” in our lives.?“Good stress” actually has a name – eustress – and is defined as “moderate or normal psychological stress interpreted as being beneficial for the experiencer”.?The term “eu” dates back to Aristotle’s time when he promoted “eudaimonia” or the condition of human flourishing and living well.?The goal isn’t “no stress” for without some level of stress in our life we would have no stimulation for growth or fuel for our performance.?The relationship between performance and stress, and how this plays out in our lives, is shown in the image below from Haleo.com.uk:

?Below are the top 10 ways I’ve used stress to lead a positive, constructive, and healthy life. (Credit to my daughter Sydney Thelen , a clinical mental health counselor, for her expert review and additional advice)

1.????Mind the Reaction.?Realize that stress is neither positive or negative by itself.?It’s how you react to it that matters. ?Use stress to bring out your “A” game. Pro-Tip:?Match your coping mechanism with the stress you are under.?For example, when I felt overwhelm and my life was getting out of hand in both work and personal affairs, I hired an executive coach on my own to help me sort things out.?When I had a stressful presentation to give on a critical issue at work, I asked a small group of people to help me dry run it.?The key is matching your coping mechanism to your stress.?A coping mechanism can be as simple as a “to do” list, or as complex as seeking professional therapy.

2.????Metacognition. Be self-aware of when you go into stressful situations and learn to face up to the reality you are in at the moment. ?Ask yourself two critical question:?What am I feeling at the moment? ?What do I need at the moment??Working to connect your feeling with what you need at the moment is a great first step, even it it's difficult and hard to work through.

?3.????Cognitive Loading.?Be careful how much you commit to in the many roles you play in life.?If you are taking on too much, or things are overwhelming, try to acknowledge it and take a break.?I try to always stay ahead of this with managing a personal and professional mind map.?This helps me get things out of my head and on a piece of paper that I can eventually prioritize, take action, and resolve at the appropriate time.?More importantly, by getting things on paper and out of my head, I avoid bogging down my mind leading to mental clarity. Pro-tip:?While you may have many things to do, focus on finishing that which you have started.?Having too many things in play simultaneously can lead to higher stress levels.

4.????Plan ahead.?If you are going through an airport, what can make the trip less stressful??If you have a key meeting or exam, how can you best prepare for it? ?If you are finding your health or energy slip away on you, what can you do to reset things???As my wife and I had our third child while living in Dallas, we were getting overwhelmed with covering all the bases. Our solution??We ended up hiring an Au Pair to bring sanity in our parenting, our relationship, and our personal time.?It was a financial sacrifice at time, but a great investment for our mental health and that of our kids. The bonus was we got an excellent student from Montenegro and we learned more about a different part of the world. Wherever you are in the world Vesna, we love you and miss you! ??

?5.????Take Action. ?Be careful to fall into paralysis. Find a way to take some action – a walk, a talk, or some kind of disruptive activity. ?Even just stopping to breath deeply and count to 10 silently can change your outlook.?Pro-tip:?Treat any stress in your life with a growth mindset.?For example, if you fail an exam, instead of saying “I failed”, say “I now know where I need to focus in the future”, or perhaps, “now I know I need to study differently because the way I prepared didn’t work”. This is hard to do all the time, but if you do it, the odds of you leading a positive and constructive life drastically improve.

?6.????Recharge your energy.?Find a way to recharge your batteries that works for you.?Do this proactively to put the odds in your favor – eat right, exercise, sleep well, take care of mental health, journal, invest in your relationships. Taking time to rest is a requirement, especially enough sleep day to day. Time your work loading to your highest energy availability and you will get more done in less time. For example, early morning is my most efficient hours, while late in the day after a long schedule is usually my worst.

7.????Change the things you can.?Be mindful of things you can control and things you cannot control. ?Commit to focusing your time and energy on the things you can control.?Burning energy by complaining, getting frustrated, or self-pity sometimes might feel good, but to me it moves us further away from moving forward in a positive direction.?I still do it from time to time but it never helps. The key is realizing what you can control and staying on task with those items.?There are lots of great pieces of advice on this, but the best for me is the Serenity Prayer.

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

8.????Watch out for chronic stressors.?Be mindful of chronic stress that grinds away at you over time.?Find ways to stop, assess, and evaluate what is and isn’t working.?Identify the chronic stressors that are present day to day – financial, marital, work related, or academic related for example.?At least once a year do a retro on how you are living your life, test how you are spending time on your calendar, and ask yourself if there are any stressors you can remove.?Pro-Tip:?You probably have many things in your life that bring unnecessary clutter and complexity to your life.?Take a lean approach and clean things up at least once a year.

9.????Get help with major stressors.?If you need help, ask for it and don’t apologize. ?A major mental or physical health issue, loss of a job, loss of a loved one, challenges caring for a parent, or other major disruptive force in your life may be cause for special considerations like therapy or other intervention.?Most important is to realize where you are, and ask for help when you need it.?When you get it, act on the counsel you receive. Don’t apologize for needing help in major life altering situations. ?

10.?Have a little faith.?We all have limits in our capability to understand why a certain stress comes into our life.?Sometimes it feels good to want to ask why, or look at what you may or may not have done to deserve it, or even to seek a root cause.?Personally, when I am in these types of situations, I have leaned on my faith to help me deal with stress when all else fails.?“Let go, and let God” was a phrase I heard a while ago. Sometimes I feel like I need to just put my situation in God’s hands.?I also heard somewhere once that God would not give you something that you cannot handle.?There were times I wondered about this but in the end it was an accurate statement. Whatever your definition of faith or higher power, I’d recommend incorporating this into your life on a regular basis as a part of dealing with stress.

Lastly, I leave you with a quote that I hope inspires you as I believe it applies to all of us from a favorite author of mine, Hermann Hesse.

?“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” Hermann Hesse

Thank you for reading?The River, and if you have enjoyed it please subscribe to receive notification of future articles. Please help spread the word by sharing The River with your network with an encouraging word asking others to check it out. A special thank you to those of you who have posted comments to share your experience and advice. I'm grateful as these interactions inspire me, and I'm certain it has helped others in their journey.