Using Self-Awareness to Enact Behavior Change

Leadership is not as cut and dry as some may think. Growing up, my examples of leaders were usually managers or supervisors who drove for results over all else. It seemed to me that being a leader meant that you were willing to sacrifice yourself in order to compete with those around you. You had to outwork everyone else.?

In reality, while many leaders work hard to keep their team going, a truly successful leader puts the relationships they have with the people they lead in front of the bottom line. They know that the only way that the team will be successful is if each individual on the team is successful. When the people on your team feel more like tools to achieve a leader’s goal, rather than a group of individuals agreeing to accomplish a goal together, you generally see more turnover and more dissatisfied employees. When employees are dissatisfied, they tend to have physical and mental consequences: they may feel depressed or stressed more often, they may have weaker immune systems and get sick more often, and they may even lose their motivation and drive to show up.

I know this because I have seen it. The unfortunate part of working for larger corporations is that often (not always) larger corporations lose sight of the people side of the business in favor of quantitative wins like sales and customer satisfaction rates. Hence why many large retailers have average employee turnover rates higher than 50%. Basically, the same rate that freshman college students drop out of school before they start their sophomore year.?

We all know the old adage “people leave people, not jobs”. If over 50% of your staff is leaving, it is time to start looking at the common denominator: you.?

This is all easy to say, but incredibly hard to do. For a leader to take time out of their already busy schedule to sit down and actually unpack their own issues can be a big ask. The majority of people avoid ever thinking about how their own behaviors are contributing to their relationship problems. Realizing how you may be negatively affecting those around you can be a tough pill to swallow, but on the flip side, once you are aware, you can begin to make changes.

Behaviors are caused by three main factors: a person’s thoughts or attitude about a situation, the social norm surrounding the situation, and a person’s awareness of the control they have over that behavior. You can read more about the science behind behaviors and behavior change at Positivepsychology.com. Although in a greater sense we do have some control over our behaviors, a lot of our behaviors are habits formed by childhood experiences and social expectations. Even two people who grew up being taught similar social norms may have different learned behaviors based on how they were treated by their caregivers.

So if we know that behavior is learned over time, and can be changed with effort and patience, what does this mean for leaders? Looking back at employee retention and turnover, a leader can have significant influence over these rates. Although there are always going to be circumstances outside of a person’s control, if a leader can slowly learn how to build behavior habits that are healthy and promote positive culture shifts within their team, they can make a difference. For example, if you tend to be a leader who shies away from giving tough feedback, learning how to have difficult conversations while remaining calm would be a great behavior change that would help your staff feel more appreciated. Contrary to social norms, empathetic honesty is a much better way to build trust rather than fake niceties.

If you are in a position where you are ready to start making behavior changes, there are many ways you can begin to become more aware of how your current behavior is affecting those around you. If you are a reader, start by reading books about positive behavior change. A few I can recommend are: Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, Emotional Agility by Susan David, and Making Shift Happen by Nya Van Leuvan, Lauren Highleyman, Rod Fujita, and Ashleigh Kellerman.?

My next major piece of advice is to find a therapist or behavior coach. Many people cringe or look away when I suggest this as if I had just described a brutally violent scene. Nothing scares people more than looking for the problem inside. I am not saying that it is easy to do, but having some self-awareness is critical to becoming a better leader. You can refer to my post “How Self Awareness Affects Leadership” for more on the importance of self-reflection and leadership. As someone who has been in therapy for many years, I can attest that therapy is not just for people with major psychological diagnoses and can be incredibly effective for positive behavior change. And if therapy feels too clinical for you, there are many certified life coaches who are informed on positive psychology and behavior change. Also, if you end up finding a therapist or coach who is not working for you, you can always find another one.?

Finally, if reading about behavior change or talking to someone does not feel like your style, brainstorm ways that you can incorporate self-awareness with intentional behavior change. In my post “How Leaders Use Negative Feelings to Transform Behavior”, you can read about an example of how a feelings journal can be used to change negative behaviors. Maybe a journal or spreadsheet does not work for you, but you can apply this concept of journaling and self-awareness into any format that feels authentic. Maybe you create an anonymous Instagram account or you make a video blog; choose whatever outlet you can use to reflect on your feelings and behavior and begin to notice trends. Once you notice the trends, you can begin to actively make changes to those habits.?

Overall, behavior change can be extremely difficult and often produces anxiety and fear for people. When we have created a habit (one we are aware of or not), we continue to repeat those habits because they feel safe and keep us away from the uncertainty of change. But often, when we are unable to be flexible to maintain healthy relationships with the people we lead, we demonstrate that the bottom line is more important than the people we hire.