User Story Points Are A Scam

Ah, User Story Points. The metric that’s as clear as mud and about as useful as a chocolate teapot in a software development project. There’s something inherently comical about sitting in a meeting, using an arbitrary scale to estimate effort. “Is this task a 5 or an 8?” might as well be “How many angels can dance on the head of a horse?”

Let’s be honest: when did the ancient art of wild guessing become a cornerstone of project planning? Story points are like a fortune teller’s crystal ball - mysterious, intriguing, and ultimately, not that helpful in predicting the future. “Let’s assign points based on complexity, risk, and effort,” they say. Why not throw in the phases of the moon and the team’s daily horoscope while we’re at it?

Now, estimating in hours – there’s a system that’s as straightforward as a ruler. Hours are tangible, understandable, and don’t require a degree in abstract mathematics. “It’ll take me five hours” is clear, concise, and refreshingly devoid of metaphysical debate.

Story points feel like a commitment to making things unnecessarily complicated. We’re here, trying to be nimble and agile, and yet we spend hours debating whether a task is a Fibonacci number or not. If the point of agile is to simplify and speed up development, then why are we playing a guessing game that feels more like a bizarre ritual than a practical exercise?

So, here’s to defending the good old hour – a time-honored, no-nonsense unit that tells it like it is. Down with the tyranny of story points! Let’s bring back the sanity of simple, straightforward time estimation and save ourselves from the black hole of agile mysticism.

Remember, the next time you’re in a planning poker session, and someone says, “I think this is a 13,” ask them if they wouldn’t rather just say “a day and a half” and go grab a coffee instead.