The Useless Emotion: How Anger Controlled My Life and How I Let It Go

For a good part of my life, anger felt like a constant companion—always lurking in the background, ready to flare up at any moment. It was an emotion I carried almost daily, sparked by a range of seemingly legitimate reasons. Sometimes it was the state of the world, the stress of traffic, or frustration with corrupt politicians. On other days, it was unreasonable family members, unreliable suppliers, demanding clients, colleagues who annoyed me, or partners who broke my trust. Even seeing trees being cut down could set me off. It seemed like everything around me had the potential to annoy me at any given time.

Anger had consumed me, and I became a 'tornado on heels'. My behaviour, driven by rage, was appalling—not only to others but also to myself. I could justify my anger. I had a laundry list of reasons, and I knew I could always rely on a long list of friends who would agree with me and validate my frustration. But looking back, there were critical aspects of my anger that I was blind to, as most people are when they’re caught in its grip.

1. The Inconsistency of Anger

Oddly enough, the same situations didn’t always make me angry. Even though it felt like anger was a part of my daily life, it wasn’t constant. Traffic didn’t always enrage me, and sometimes my clients were actually pleasant. Relationships, too, had their moments of joy and connection. The same people and similar circumstances could trigger vastly different emotional reactions on different days. So why wasn’t I angry all the time? If the situations were truly the cause of my anger, wouldn’t I be angry consistently?

This realization hinted at something deeper: anger didn’t arise from external circumstances, or people. It had more to do with my internal state of mind.

2. Anger Affects Me, Not the Cause

Another harsh reality I eventually came to understand was that my anger didn’t affect what I thought were the causes of my frustration. No matter how loud I shouted, how much indignation I felt, politicians didn’t change, traffic didn’t move any faster, and the state of the world remained pretty much the same. In the meantime, the only person who truly suffered from my anger was me.

The more I allowed myself to be consumed by rage, the more it drained me—physically, emotionally, and mentally. And yet, nothing improved. My anger was futile, a self-inflicted wound that had no effect on the things I was angry about.

3. Anger Blocks Reason

When I was angry, it was as though a wall of emotion blocked out any rational thinking. All I could hear were my own angry thoughts, looping endlessly, reinforcing themselves. Anger narrowed my perspective, making me immune to reason and incapable of truly listening to others. This emotional tunnel vision is a sure way to damage relationships, both personal and professional. I wasn’t hearing anyone but myself—and even then, all I heard was rage, indignation and fear.

4. There Is No Forgiveness in Anger

Perhaps the most dangerous aspect of anger is that it leaves no room for forgiveness. In the heat of the moment, forgiveness seems like a distant, impossible concept. All that exists is the hurt, the frustration, and the self-righteousness that comes with being wronged. But living without forgiveness is like carrying a weight that only grows heavier with time.

The Turning Point: Understanding Thought and Emotion

It wasn’t until I began to understand the true nature of thought—and how thought creates feeling, which in turn shapes behaviour—that my relationship with anger started to change. I came to see that anger, like all emotions, originates from my thoughts. My thoughts dictate how I interpret the world, and my emotions are simply a reflection of those interpretations. When I was angry, it wasn’t because the world was inherently infuriating; it was because I was perceiving it that way in that moment.

This understanding changed everything for me. Once I realized that I could choose how to respond to my thoughts, I began to relax. I saw that I didn’t have to let my thoughts—and the emotions they produced—dictate my behaviour. I didn’t have to be a victim of my own thinking in the moment.

The ability to step back, observe my thoughts, and choose a different response gave me a sense of freedom I hadn’t known before. I no longer felt like a prisoner of anger, reacting mindlessly to every perceived slight or frustration. I began to see that peace and forgiveness were always within reach, even in situations that once made me furious.

Forgiveness as Freedom

As I learned to release my anger, I also discovered the profound power of forgiveness. Forgiving others—even those who had hurt me—became an act of self-liberation. As the philosopher Syd Banks wisely said:

"If we can forgive everyone, regardless of what he or she may have done, we nourish the soul and allow our whole being to feel good. To hold a grudge against anyone is like carrying the devil on your shoulders. It is our willingness to forgive and forget that casts away such a burden and brings light into our hearts, freeing us from many ill feelings against our fellow human beings."

Forgiveness is not about condoning what others have done, nor is it about forgetting. It’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment and anger. When you forgive, you lighten the load on your soul and make room for peace, joy, and healing.

Conclusion: The Uselessness of Anger

Looking back, I now see anger for what it truly was: a useless emotion. It didn’t change my circumstances or improve my life in any way. It only made me suffer, alienated me from others, and clouded my judgment.

The moment I realized that anger was a choice—a byproduct of my thoughts and not an inevitable or mandatory reaction to the world around me—was the moment I began to break free from its grip. By embracing forgiveness, understanding the role of thought in the equation, and letting go of the need to control everything around me, I found a path to peace.

Anger may still show up from time to time, but I no longer give it power over my life. And that, I believe, is a freedom worth pursuing.