Use Your Fears To Grow ??♂?

Welcome to Weekly Dose: a newsletter full of mental health & wellness tips geared towards men.?Subscribe?and?follow me?to get upcoming newsletters.

--

You might've heard the?idea?that?what you fear is often what you need to do most.

Maybe it doesn't apply to spiders,?cramped?spaces, or heights but I'd argue?you at least need to explore your fears.

Because most of the time what we fear is?ego-threatening, not life-threatening.

We'll often "fear" or avoid something because of the unknown.

On the surface, our gut tells us...

What if it doesn't work out?

What if I fail?

But I like to?go deeper and explore?what those questions are really?implying?

What if it doesn't work out and people judge me for it?

What if I fail and people don't think I'm worthy?

It's the innate wiring of human beings to want to?belong, be loved, and feel safe.

From a primordial perspective, it makes total sense.

If we were to be exiled from our tribe, we wouldn't survive on our own very long.

Being loved (and I'd argue that it's?giving love?that's more important)?is our wiring to procreate - essential for any species.

We need to?be safe & alive in order to procreate -?no one's arguing that.?

In 2022,?these fears don't really serve us?like they used to, but so many of our actions are rooted in these deep-seated fears.

As I began to explore my own mental health years ago, I was on a mission to understand how I tick at a core level.

Why did I make certain?decisions?

Why did I get excited about certain things and couldn't care less about others?

Why was I getting nervous or sad?

The?answers were all?rooted in fear.

A lot of these?came back to?fear of rejection.?

• What would people think if I wasn't super successful in a sales role?
• How would I be able to show my face in my friend group if I wasn't able to buy a new car like they were?
• Why was I getting so nervous around an attractive girl that I would end up never going over to say hi at all?
• Why was I avoiding sparring with someone in jiu-jitsu who I knew was going to dominate me?

Most of us live a life controlled by our fears, protecting our egos.

It's not until we identify them, shine a light on them, and explore?how great we'd feel if they didn't exist...?can?we start to create a life worth living.

In October of last year, I started ending my morning meditation with?5 intentions. I repeated the same 5 every day and the last one was?"Do the hard things in the face of fear."

It reframed how I thought about situations of avoidance.

And after a few experiences of pushing through fear to find the breakthroughs on the other side,?I realize I?had been controlled by fear for too long.

"Okay, why am I avoiding this or putting it off? Am I scared because I'm going to get hurt/die, or is my little ego scared of failing/rejection?"

I coupled it?with the?Spotlight Effect?- the idea that no one is thinking about you or what you do as much as you?believe. They're too busy thinking about themselves.

Life changes when you lean into fear, have faith in your resilience, and bet on yourself.

So after my injury 3 mins into my first ever?jiu-jitsu match in February, my inner critic was holding the podium for a few weeks.

It was consuming me with negative thoughts:

? You're too old for this

? Told you this would happen

? Maybe you should just quit

? You've tried for 5 years and can't stay healthy

But I was still ending my meditation with the intention of?leaning into fear.

Why am I so hesitant to compete? Where is this coming from?

Sure, injuries are frustrating, but I've dealt with them my whole life playing sports and know I have what it takes to rehab + recover.

So it was a?perfect opportunity?for me to lean into this head-on.

I didn't want to go out there and be a total flop in front of my instructor & teammates.

I didn't want to put in all the work to train and 'fail'.

It came down to ego.

After starting my first?business almost 2 years ago, my?definition of failure?has completely changed.

I believe now the?only way you fail is if you never get your ass off of the sidelines and try.

After reflecting on that, it was a no-brainer.

I doubled down on what I could control - my training, sleep, eating well, and meditation.

I've learned that my mental health is fueled &?firing on all cylinders when I do things I love and do hard things while staring fear in the face.

It would have been easy to not compete again after injuring cartilage in my rib.

There will always be unlimited excuses to talk yourself out of something - the key is to find the 1 reason why it's worth it.

People don't regret when they do something and 'fail', they regret never trying.

Don't sacrifice your long-term growth & happiness for short-term comfort.

Whether it's...

• Staying in a job you hate
• Going after what you truly want in life
• A toxic relationship because you're scared of being alone
• Learning a new hobby + being OK being a beginner again

Ask yourself, is this ego-threatening or life-threatening?

As humans, we need a few things to be thriving + happy:

• Choice in what we do with our time
• To feel competent in our work
• Live an authentic life true to who we are at our core
• Connection with our tribe
• A challenge worthy of our time + hard-work

Ask yourself, "Are any of these missing from my life?"

Remember, nothing worth having comes easy.

Tim ??

?? Not sure how to start??Book a call and let's chat.

?? Join my next cohort, starting 6/27. It's FREE, but I'm only opening 4 spots.?Learn more.

---

My Recommendations:

FS Mental Models: Learn how to think better

Jacob Kountz' Newsletter:?Insights from a mental health therapist

Diary of a CEO Podcast:?Secret to building a perfect relationship?w/ Matthew Hussey

---

These newsletters take me a few hours to write, but sharing only takes a second. If you enjoyed any of these, it'd mean the world to me if you shared with one person!?