Use Criticism in building a Character

The way “You See” criticism

Defines the way you will shape your Character.

Road blocks,

ü Acceptance of a contrary feedback

ü Different Perceived values /Feedback/ criticism – A confusion

ü Emotional baggage

ü Acceptance of feedback is person based

ü Acceptance of the feedback is also on the way it is given or shared

ü Criticism is always taken as Salt

ü High self-image or esteem a major hurdle

ü No data reference points, No observations & research to look at.

ü Inability to view it wearing an “Analyzers Hat”

ü Dissecting the feedback / criticism as usable & non usable  

Process / Implementation

The implementation is extremely difficult & equally challenging.

The road block brings to surface some serious questions about our inhibitions,

Our limitations of understanding our own-self, i.e. self-image, others & communication barriers plus recovery of an emotional damage state to a state of normalcy – which itself is a huge journey.

So let’s begin with a baby step to inch forward..

The First step is to document the feedback or criticism as it is , In other words lets capture it raw with complete info as in-

ü Who shared it?

ü  What exactly was it pointing out, which area of error or behavior is it highlighting?

ü What exactly was it pointing out?

ü When was it shared, in which context / episode?

ü What was the trigger point?

ü What was the impact of the action, words or statements?

ü Is there any scope of rectification?

ü Is the perceived value closer to our understanding?

ü Reason for such perceived value if it is contrary?

ü To ignore or to consider?

Proper documentation can ease the understanding if all data points are captured.

The second step is to control the emotional damage (current) plus the old episodes which comes to surface.

Lets understand the crucial aspect of the module which is a biggest milestone

Lets deal with one thing at a time the best way is to work in small chunks.

Lets begin with emotional damage

Lets understand the root cause of Criticism

Where is it coming from?

What prompted them to criticize?

Why do they believe, what they believe?

Basis of their observation/ Belief?

Look at it from their perspective?

For once become their advocate and work towards their view point till some distance/ Kilometers.

You will be surprised with the outcome of the above exercise

This will bring surprising things to the surface.

Not only people who are just acquaintance but also people who are extremely close to you will have contrary perceived value & it will be an “Eye Opener”

Believe me this realisation will change the entire thought process and you will graduate to an extremely new horizon of learning.

The outcome will give you some insights and you need to have these insights checked with past data points and find similarities.

The true journey begins here and it’s a tough / uphill journey because it’s difficult to keep the heart and the ache separate.

The best way to handle is to dissect it critically – Point wise. I mean technically.

Let’s keep our acceptance & non acceptance (agreement or disagreement) at bay and look at the pointers as a white paper of a case study.

This will enable us to have a microscopic view of criticism

I know its easier said than done

But well began is half done and somewhere we have to begin this journey, to move closer to our goals.

Remember this journey is not meant for the weak heart or someone who is not open to feedback / criticism.

One Big road block in the journey is a confusion- Different perceived values by different people – Which to be considered and which are accurate to work upon

To make it more easy let me share or inform you that we don’t have to take all the battels seriously

Lets find out the similarity in the criticism & try to find some commonality or a common corrective pointer from the criticism.

That too if we find a merit in it.

Yes chances are there that a perceived notion about the one who shared the criticism can change the value of it & can come as a roadblock to do due diligence.

In such cases lets re think about the “objective of the activity” and re do it again with the third persons / analyzer's hat to extract the actual value from the multiple values & multiple viewpoints.

We also have to ensure that our “Self -image” on a particular subject, competence or activity or over all self-image does not dilute the essence of our activity / research.

Example – Most men have a very high self-image about their driving ability

Most women have very high self-image about their cooking/ aesthetic sense or home decor etc..

There can be many examples quoted to show the “self-image” and its impact on thought process.

These surely are road blocks to measure the true value of the feedback / criticism and we tend to lose on an opportunity which can be a transforming one or a life changing one.

How to deal with it is a million dollar question?

The trick is to keep our “self” out of it, if we can successfully do it we can achieve eureka moments.

We can initially take friends help but it should be the last resort – because the journey is to grow matured and build internal strength.( no external)

If we are able to glide with ease step by step an deal with each roadblock we shall surely graduate to a better self , i.e. improvised version and surely a transformation inside which sooner or later will give us the understanding which is far above or beneath the surface where very few have traveled.

This journey shall lead to a true character Building.

From the desk of

Sudhir Mateti