'The Upside Down' of my life- Endometriosis

Have you watched Stranger Things on NETFLIX?

I have never been a fan of supernatural horror thrillers. However, I somehow got glued to the series from the very first day. It took me a while to figure out how I connected to the series.

I connected to the Upside Down - the Parallel universe of Stranger Things.

I believe I have been there. Yes, I have been to that dark rotten land, which is covered by the pulsating tentacles of the monster. Each inch of the land makes you feel the presence of the monster lurking in the dark hunting for you. The wicked, slimy monster is always watching you, reading your mind and just waiting for the right moment to tie you down with its thousand slimy limbs. It consumes you with its venomous grip and then finally opens its mouth like a Venus flytrap and attacks your head, choking you to a point where you neither die nor live.

These are the exact feelings I have had all my life when I had my menstruation. Like every other girl, I was excited to hit puberty, till I realized that my puberty had come with some bloody shackles. The shackles that have restricted me from doing all the things I loved to do. I feel angry recounting the long list of things I failed to do. The dance shows, the sports days, the family gatherings, the vacations, the exams, the dates. I fought with my body. I took multiple attempts to pop in painkillers and set out for these adventures. But they only resulted in passing out in the middle of the road and public transport. It felt like an invisible monster was always following me and reading my mind so that he could disrupt all my plans and all my dreams.

Yes, I visited the doctors and quite a few of them since I was 16 I think.? Unfortunately, almost all of them dismissed my pain by normalizing it. Oh! It's just period pain. Some have more and some less. Just take painkillers they would say. And that’s what I believed till I was 33.

At 33, when I visited a gynecologist to get myself checked before planning for a child, she suggested some tests, and the test results mentioned I had a condition called endometriosis with adenomyosis.

At 33, I learned that the tremendous pain that I went through all my life was NOT NORMAL. In a flash all those smirks, giggles, sarcastic comments and glances appeared in front of my eyes. I felt like shouting and telling everyone-‘No, I am not Nyeka, I am not acting, I really needed those days of? leave’.???

Endometriosis is a chronic condition that originates from the outer lining of the uterus (endometrium) in the form of some unwanted tissues that gradually spreads to other organs with every menstruation cycle of a woman. As we grow old these tissues keep growing like adhesions and stick to other organs such as? the ovary, intestine, urinary bladder, etc. If this condition is not treated then all the organs will get joined with each other bringing down all the systems in the lower abdomen. Hence, endometriosis is not only a period pain and it doesn’t go away with the cycle. It spreads to other organs disrupting their functions, producing excruciating pain in the entire pelvic area.

There is no cure for endometriosis as such. The only way to get rid of the pain is to go for laparoscopic surgeries where the tissues are excised. I had to go for an emergency surgery in Feb’ 2020 when my left ovary had to be removed since it got almost attached to my uterus. After the surgery, I was under a medicine prescribed by my then-doctor. And, I was told that I would not have my menstruation if I took the medicine since menstruation will start this entire cycle of endometriosis again. I was also told that eventually, I would have to go for a hysterectomy to get rid of the condition.

This September has been the most painful phase of my life. While we planned for a wonderful family vacation with our parents, life unfolded a series of jarring incidents. My father-in-law (our Babai) suffered from a cerebral attack all of a sudden and slipped into a deep coma on 8th Sep. We tried to rush him to a hospital for an emergency surgery but none of them could offer an ICU bed since they were filled with dengue patients. By the time we managed an ICU bed, he had to be put on the ventilator. It was painful to see a fit man, who actively interacted with us over a video call the night before not even looking at us, as we kept calling him. It seemed impossible to process how he stopped being one of us and just drifted away so unceremoniously. While we ran around insanely trying to understand how this happened and how we could bring him back, he seemed to enjoy his deep sleep. As if, he knew about this journey, and only we were oblivious to this truth.?

Amidst all this mayhem, I suddenly felt the monster breathing heavily inside me. My endometriosis relapsed all of a sudden and by every passing day, it got to me little by little. I was bedridden for an entire month. The pain was so excruciating that I couldn’t even visit the doctor. My doctor prescribed injections and medicines over the phone, which worked in the beginning but? gradually stopped working and the intensity of the pain increased. I couldn’t visit Babai in the hospital in his last days. He left us on 17th Sep.

The insurmountable physical and mental trauma I went through in that? month made me feel for the first time in my life that I may succumb to this pain and not see my loved ones anymore.?

While the pain subsided through medication after a month, I needed a doctor who could counsel me instead of just prescribing medicines and surgeries. Fortunately, I got that from Dr. Madhu Deb, who calmed me down with her words and ensured that I would be all right. Under her treatment, I am painless and have been able to return to my normal life.?

I am eternally grateful to the universe for giving me such supportive and empathetic human beings as my family and friends who held me strongly through this difficult phase. I didn’t have to worry about my daughter, as my sister-in-law stepped into my shoes and performed all the duties of a mother.?

Last month, I read up a lot about endometriosis and the Endo-warriors. There are so many women in 20s and 30s suffering silently from this deadly condition. It is not a rare condition. It is a hidden condition that takes time to be diagnosed due to the frequent gas lighting by society. I want to raise awareness for this condition and reach out to all those who are suffering silently because they have been conditioned to believe that it is normal and okay to have excruciating menstrual pain.

While I have accepted the scarred tissues that endometriosis has given me, I will always regret the scar of guilt it left me with by stopping me from visiting Babai for the last time to say a final goodbye.

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