The upset customer is a gift

Complaints are so unpleasant. We dread receiving them, we bite our tongue, we defend, we argue, we're embarrassed, we're shameful, we're angry with ourselves, or our team, or an employee that isn't even working with us any longer. We unload on coworkers, we send out hastily-written, emotional outbursts to our team. We don't react well. It hurts.

Customer complaints are painful to endure. And yet, there's actually something even worse: the silent customer that just fires you and doesn't explain why.

You have a choice: take the complaint, or choose to ignore it. It's rare that a complaint is completely without merit. Often it's not black and white, and often complaints happen far too late in the process: the damage is already done, sometimes beyond repair.

• Separate the "jerk" from the content. It's so easy to label someone as hostile, toxic, passive-aggressive, unfair, etc. They might be delivering it unfairly, poorly, too late, too loud, without details. But they are giving you information. Focus on the content and put aside the labels. Yes, they are not pleasant but they are actually taking time out of their day to give you information. Sure, it might be cathartic for them to yell at someone else, and this isn't to say anyone should be allowed to be verbally abusive to someone else. People do, however, get frustrated.
• Ask "how do we make this right?" - put them in the driver's seat for the way out of this hole.
• Thank them - even if you're furious. They have likely given you something of value, even though it might be wrapped poorly and delivered unpleasantly.
• Identify any surprises - there should be NO surprises when talking with an upset customer. If there are, then you haven't done enough communication throughout your relationship. That's on you. Even if they never answer your calls.
• Be honest with yourself - don't shrug and say "they're just a jerk" - instead, own your part (out loud or through silent reflection) and use it to improve yourself in the future.

Upset customers rarely start off upset. They get there, often through a lack of communication, expectation setting, or just general competency. Listen to them, learn from them, try to save them if it's possible, and then thank them regardless of the outcome.