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[Update] What Men Don't Understand About Women: 6 Ideas to Mend the Gender Wars
Nicole Pinkston
Marriage Coach and Iconic Marriages CEO: Empowering Men and Women to Build Thriving Social Empires | Podcast host of Mrs. Pinky Thoughts | 6-time Published Author| Christian, Wife & Mother | Veteran
Day 4 of our Iconic Men's Empowerment Series
Good Thursday, Icons,
What do you think about the constant gender content? Is it helpful all the blame going back and forth between men and women? Is there anything we can do about it?
I have talked about this a bit during the women’s empowerment series so we will dive in again during the men’s empowerment one, too.
Let’s dive in.
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What Men don't Understand About Women: 6 Ideas to Mend the Gender Wars
Background: When I decided to jump into the relationship space, I was hesitant. I know my ideas would get push back on a lot of things coming out of these spaces from both men and women. Facing my business coach with this information was bothering my anxiety because I really wanted to help couples, but the fighting seemed to be too much.
She gave me advice to help anyway. People would take it or leave it, so I pressed forward.
Today I came across a Tweet that read:
This is why male/female relationships will never, ever work. Every man reading this knew exactly what he meant, and every woman thinks she needs to find a divorce attorney. https://twitter.com/Bob_Janke
Oh, here we go again. Men and women can’t possibly work because they don’t agree on something.
Guys, here is what men do not understand about women.
Women are women. We are not men in dresses. We aren’t mediorce men. We aren’t another species or a foreign entity. We aren’t alien. All of us were born from one.
Men and women are not supposed to see everything the same. We are different.
We make successful marriages work by communicating. Instead, a man whining about us, he could have asked. He could have posed the women to whom he trusted a serious of open and honest questions. The key to finding the truth isn’t to be passive aggressive behind social media posts but to be direct to the attended person for answer.
Specifically, we humans don’t need to part ways. We need to be higher thinkers! We are capable of more than we give each other credit for. Ask the person you want to know the answer from.
I understand. I grew up in a house split gender wise. 4 males, 4 females. That grew into 24 people with spouses and kids included. I served in a the male dominated army. I am married and I have a son. Gender differences has been part of my life.
In fact, my parents cannot be two different people! Yet, somehow, they are going on 42 years of marriage this July. Why?
They love each. Their love is so great that it is enough to look past what makes them different and work in spite of it. Love is what brings them together respecting each other and leaning on each other as they are and as who they choose to be.
More background: This is the original Tweet that made the other guy had to reply.
I’ve seen some guys posting on social media lately about how they are winning bc their wife is attractive, while I don’t disagree I think finding a wife who is a great mother is 500% more important!!! Thanks
What?
That was my original thought. I for one, understood what the guy meant.
Secret: Women do not want to hear in any way shape or form that we are not pretty: TO YOU. I know that is not what he meant. He was trying to be sweet and comment more on her other traits.
Some responses from men are like:
“We got what he meant”. Women are like: “divorce him”.
A barrier has been put up. The genders saw the comment in different ways. And that IS okay. It is what we do with this that we make better our interpersonal relationships.
Men let me tell you something about us. We love you, especially the ones who are married to us. So, what you say and what we perceive you saying matters.
No, you not being an emotional person is not an excuse to not see things from our side. Just like us being emotional is not an excuse to misunderstand you or misread your intentions. We women are told all the time that we must understand you men and get that you are not us. We must understand you don’t think like we do.
We are different, for a reason.
Many of us get that, the crazies may not.
Balancing masculine and feminine energies are about integrating the receptive and nurturing aspects of feminine energy to harmonize with the active and focused qualities of masculine energy.
Men are women are to compliment one another not compete. We are a team not to work opposed to each other. Not less than humans but equals in value even if duties and roles are different.
When will you get about us that isn’t something derogatorily said? When will men get that we need you to get us as us and that is not a bad thing?
Communication is key to a lasting marriage and to show love in a way that doesn’t come of rude.
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6 Ideas to Mend the Gender Wars
Idea #1: Stop making every feeling public.
This guy’s sentiments were in the right spirit. His own wife might have had 0 issues with it. But it was up for scrutiny once he made it public.
I know. We post pictures of our loved ones on social media because we are proud, and we want to show the world our love.
When we do that, we open up ourselves for critique, good and bad.
If someone mentions my weight or my teeth, they only can because I put the pictures online so any negativity I get, or feel is my own. Should someone be negative? No. But people do what they want to do.
This couple may be fine but now the public is included in their business and the internet is forever.
Idea #2: Bashing each other.
I can count more time on one hand how much positive content I see about men and women loving on each other than I see podcasts, tweets, Facebooks with the genders fighting.
We know the media loves spicy gossip but the good news of how to love, how to mend and how to appreciate one another is lost.
If you loved and been hurt, we understand. But when your timeline is full of nothing but “Woe is me” and constant complaining about the opposite gender it makes you look suspect that you would know how to love the right one when they come along.
I would not think I would be good enough for you, if all I see you do is bash women on social media. I would think you didn’t like women at all.
And the same is for women who do it.
People aren’t attracted to someone who is always bashing their gender and lumping us all into the same ideas you have of us in your head.
Balance your criticism with your love. No individual benefits from constant barrages of negativity in this new media.
Idea #3: Understand our Uniqueness.
One of my many response tweets consistently touched upon our unique God designed differences.
Men today complain that women are masculine.
And it is true.
But here is a missing piece. Many women have been taught/told they don’t need men.
A lie from the pit. Many men have been taught that women who work are masculine.
A lie from the pit. Lies have made us believe errs about each other that tears us apart.
Men and women are different and that is okay. It is what we do in those differences that matter.
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Idea #4: Understanding Crime
Some women have been victimized by men. The same men that want to bash women who grew tough skin, rarely call out the bravado that lurks in male spaces that leave women unprotected, vulnerable and even raped.
This masculinity men see in some of us, many times comes from the need of protection. We put on a hard shelf to deflect from those men who are slimy and evil.
I just heard recently of one such man that I respect caught abusing women and it was devastating. He didn’t “seem” like the type to do such a thing.
Evil is tricky at how it operates. Women suffer crime from other women as well.
Men suffer abuse, criminality too. Most male victims of domestic violence get mistreated by the system and often ignored. Not just verbally abused but physicaly too.
Facts about Male VictimizationS urvey data have found that men experience a high prevalence of intimate partner violence, sexual violence and stalking. Most first-time victimizations occur before the age 25, with many victims first experiencing violence before age 18. Intimate Partner Violence About 1 in 3 men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Nearly 56% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 25. Sexual Violence Nearly 1 in 4 men in the U.S. experienced some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. About 1 in 14 men in the U.S. were made to penetrate someone during their lifetime. More than 1 in 38 men in the U.S. experienced completed or attempted rape victimization in their lifetime. Among male victims of completed or attempted rape, about 71% first experienced such victimization prior to age 25. StalkingAbout 1 in 17 men in the U.S. were victims of stalking at some point in their lifetime. Nearly 41% of male victims first experienced stalking before age 25. Male Victims
A man that wanted to open a men’s shelter in Canada, for example, was pushed so hard, he committed suicide.
The apparent suicide of Earl Silverman, a longtime advocate for male victims of spousal abuse, is rippling through the men's rights movement. Calgary man who opened first shelter for abused men commits suicide after being forced to sell refuge (yahoo.com)
There are real predators and evil people out here and those of us that are left grow cold to the horrors of this world.
That keeps us hardened to the good people out here.
The masculinity isn’t always to be you but because many of us were not protected by you.
There is help out there for any, if you want it.
Idea #5: Gender Traditionalism vs Modernism
Men have dropped the ball as leaders. Because of feminism, they have completely given up there role instead of having the fortitude to fight back, like men of the ancient times would have.
And why wouldn’t you if you are told you are not needed? But again, that is a lie.
As we can see society needs strong men.
Strong male leadership is not void of empathy, understanding and care.
Importantly, we need fathers. We need our dads to teach us our worth and have him protect and guide us not just men who come and go never doing the work.
I am who I am because of my father’s leadership in my life and honesty when it came to real life issues.
But women are not helpless. Women need to be heard, understood and treated humanely.
Women need men who lead so we can support that.
Why not reclaim your place instead of leaving women and girls hanging?
Feminism started because men abused their leadership over women being abusers, toxic and keeping women from deciding if they wanted to marry.
Those bad men made it impossible for the good ones.
Now it morphed into some nonsense where women are leaving good men for no reason and the relationship space is full of toxicity.
Take back your roles. Fight the system that makes it hard. We need you.
Idea #6: Intact homes
A lot of the gender wars come from broken or dysfunctional home life.
Men and women get their misunderstandings from the environments they know. They may have seen mistreatment, sexual or other abuses, and just men and women not getting along.
Many on both sides do not know what right looks like even if they tried.
And that is okay.
But go get therapy and go discovery how to be the best version of yourself.
Understand what the roles of husband and wife are and do your best to meet them.
I was listening to a podcast called “Dear Wifey” when the host talked about his first marriage how he didn’t know the definition of husband.
For our use here is some for husband:
husband (plural husbands)
As we put this together it is basically the one who holds the house together, the manager or the “head” as it has been said.
Simply put: A leader. The husband leads his family and manages the organization of his family unit.
What is a wife?
They are the support system in the family. We support the functionality, the flow and the workings of the house. That is why we are called housewives at times, even those who work outside of the home.
When we hear submission, it means support, support to his Vision, his leadership and the overall plan for your family together. When you marry him, you agree together on the direction of your union. We have discussed this in other newsletters.
Taking personal responsibility for your household as husband and wife before you try to help the community, helps build up strong boys and girls who can beautifully function together.
Key Points
Men and women are not the same.
Factually, we don’t see each other the same or understand the things each other says even when well-intended. These gender wars are on purpose to keep us distracted and from making more babies and families. Purposefully, the powers that be want depopulation and want us to not notice what they are doing.
It was the trick of Satan’s since Adam and Eve to keep men and women from understand God’s true purpose for us, to live in paradise with Him. This has been a plot to keep humankind from growing, thriving and just another form of division. Where there isn’t love, there is hate.
When we don’t understand each other, we can never win as a team.
Contrary to popular belief, wholesome and healthy are those that see outside of ourselves and give one another the grace to be who we are in this God-given family. We are still meant to be ourselves as part of our union. You two will never win if you only focus on our flaws and never on our best.
Men, we do need you. What you don’t understand about women is that we are not going to be like you. Get to know us, learn how to lead, learn how to accept help and stop worrying about if the women you aren’t married to do what you want, they aren’t your wives.
Focus on yourself by remembering your own vision and then establish how that vision can pan out in your own family. We weren’t not designed to be you. Yes, many of us can make it on our own. Why would we if being with you could be better?
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