Up a Tree

Here is a joke I never want to hear again: “So, your cat is stuck up in a tree, huh? Well, I have never seen a cat skeleton hung up in a tree!”

Har-har. Bang fist on table.

If you cat is ever stuck up in a tree and cannot come down, you will hear this joke from at least four people an hour. The joke, of course, is nonsense on its face; nobody sees any kind of skeleton in trees and if they do, they should move to another location rather quickly. I should also mention that you never see bird skeletons up in trees either and they would be the animal you should expect to see up there.

Our kitten, Gabby, was stuck in the top of a very tall pine tree for three days and two nights last week. Her barn cat buddy and mentor, Nacho, had most likely led her up there not knowing that as a kitten, she would not have the strength, skill and experience to find her way back down. Her claws were designed to climb, not descend, so she continued to climb, bit by bit, until she was at least fifty-five feet in the air.

Gabby, which is short for Gabby the Tabby, did not seem too concerned the first day or so. There were lots of birds up there to covet and the weather was good for this time of year. She had no thought of becoming the very first cat skeleton found in a tree. Kitten confidence buoyed her to very high heights of cat climbing excellence.

We discovered her tree perch late on the first night when you couldn’t find her in her usual haunts. A hurried search with flashlights and calling led us to the base of her tree. The hour being late, we decided that she would probably come down on her own and that no rescue operation was necessary. The fire department, Coast Guard, 82ndAirborne Division, Seal Team Six, and Animal Control could rest easy tonight on active standby. 

Two days later we considered calling each of the above agencies to rescue our cute, albeit kind of dumb kitten. Gabby was slowing down from hunger and dehydration. 

Some people said the cat skeleton joke in good humor and jest. Some said the joke like it was the wittiest and funniest thing they had ever uttered. Many thought, no doubt, that they were the authors of this dead cat joke and were witty and wry beyond belief. 

The fire department that covers our part of the world did not want to come out to rescue a kitten. Ditto for the Humane Society, etc. It is lucky for us that our neighbors have never heard the cat skeleton joke, or at least deemed this the wrong time to tell it to us. All they did was help.

It took a strong, brave and agile neighbor to climb our tree and he approached our cat with a soft sweatshirt to bundle her up in for her journey down the tree. 

Gabby, of course, turned his offer of rescue down and worked her way out onto the far end of a high branch. It was time to launch the first kitten into space. Our friend sawed off the limb our cat was perched upon at its base and a sort of Roadrunner cartoon fall happened. 

Our cat rescue was complete with no tree-bound skeletons in sight. 

I know that cats don’t account for much in the minds of most people. I know that joking about dead cat skeletons is more to relieve the teller of feeling empathy for the helpless critter and I know that I have told far worse jokes in far worse situations. 

I am more of a dog person myself as is the person who rescued our cat. He does not like cats and finds them to be “creepy.” Yet, he rescued Gabby anyway because the cat was helpless and he could help. Saving a kitten up in a tree isn’t solving global warming or bringing peace to the world but it is the kind of thing that anybody can do if they decide they want to.

Gabby sleeps warm tonight in her cat bed with her buddy Nacho because of the help of a kind person who saw her situation as no joke.