Unwrapping the Holidays: Sidestepping Common Mental Health Traps of the Season

?I’m writing this in the thick of the holidays, and while this season has been famously dubbed “the most wonderful time of the year,” I’ve been reflecting on how this time of year has increasingly become more polarizing than ever. If you’ll indulge me, I’d like to try something out with you.?

Give this a read –

The year is coming to a close. The days grow shorter, prompting us to break out our coats and scarves to keep warm. There are gifts to choose (gotta find the perfect present for that special someone!) and wrap (now’s the time to show off that creative, festive spirit!). It’s time for planning – there are gatherings and activities to schedule and attend. It’s time to make memories with loved ones! There are menus to plan, dishes to make. It’s time to wrap up those last few work projects so I can take time to fully unplug. There's a mix of anticipation and hustle in the energy of this season. It only happens once a year, so let’s make the most of it while it’s here.

Now, before you continue reading, I invite you to take a beat and check in with yourself. Did reading that bring on warm and cozy feelings of excitement? Or did it bring pressure and anxious thoughts? I’m betting that it didn’t leave you feeling neutral or unaffected. A poll I posted here on LinkedIn showed that people feel pretty divided on the topic, and as of today, a whopping zero percent of you feel that the holidays have no positive or negative impact on your mental health. Said simply, everyone who voted falls on one end of the spectrum or the other – there isn’t really a neutral or middle ground here.

The more I connect with others about their holiday season experiences, the more evident it becomes that this time of year is chock full of opportunities for both positive and negative mental health implications.?

The festivities are supposed to spread joy and togetherness, but the unfortunate reality is that high expectations, loneliness, financial pressures, end-of-year work deadlines, plus seasonal affective disorder (as a little cherry on top of a stress sundae) can create a complex emotional landscape.?

This year – and I’m including myself in this! – I’d like to challenge us all to create space to feel that wide spectrum of emotions. By acknowledging both the challenges and the positive aspects, we can better navigate the holiday rollercoaster. And while we’re giving ourselves the permission to feel the feels, let’s also give ourselves the option to reframe our thinking and move forward in a way that best serves our needs in the moment.?

Are you with me? Here’s how I’m side-stepping the common mental health “traps” the holidays can set for us –?

Avoiding the expectation trap

This time of year undoubtedly sets us up for lots of expectations – I mean “most wonderful time of the year”?! Seriously? How is anyone supposed to live up to that? Is it supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year for my loved ones? Am I the one that’s supposed to make it wonderful for them? Is it supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year for me? What if it’s not?!?

The pressure to meet such high expectations can understandably lead to stress. So rather than chasing that “most wonderful” goal, I’m instead recognizing the positive side of anticipation. This season provides us with opportunities to create memories, foster connections, and experience moments of genuine joy. How might I lean into moments that present those opportunities to me, instead of forcing or manufacturing wonderfulness? Instead of trying to check off a full list of activities, hopes and dreams, can I instead focus on just a few tasks, events, or loved ones that I want to prioritize in order to cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling holiday experience?

Accepting loneliness during the holidays

There are several studies from organizations including the American Psychological Association that highlight how loneliness affects our mental health. Feelings of isolation can be exacerbated during the holidays, particularly for people who have lost loved ones, people who have decided on partial- or no-contact with biological relatives, people who need to be separated from loved ones for a variety of reasons, people with troubled family dynamics – the list goes on.?

There’s no way to think your way out of being disconnected, and my biggest tip for people experiencing loneliness is to prioritize self-compassion – recognize that these feelings are valid, and find ways to engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Many people also find that focusing on others can help alleviate negative feelings. Finding purpose and meaning through volunteering or dedicating yourself to a cause can also help foster connective experiences.??

Ditching consumerism to lessen financial pressures

Between inflation, the current macroeconomic environment, and the endless list of Sales! Sales! Sales! – I don’t think I’m alone in feeling a bit jaded or cynical about consumerism this time of year. While financial strain can be a source of stress for many people, the act of giving and receiving gifts can also be a powerful expression of love and thoughtfulness.?

I’m taking it as a cue this year to unsubscribe from those pesky newsletters that keep tempting me to buy, buy, buy! Instead, I’m creating a budget and a priority list of loved ones in my life that I want to shower with love – whether that’s by planning a cozy supper together for some quality time, or sending them a thoughtful note or email letting them know (in detail!) how much they mean to me. By shifting my focus from materialism to meaningful gestures and shared experiences, I’m embracing the positive aspects of gift-giving without making it all about buying someone something that they’ll probably forget you bought them anyhow.?

Stop the resolution train before it leaves the station

This time of year brings about a natural opportunity for reflection as we look back on the year. It also brings the added pressure of New Year's resolutions right around the corner. Do you think back at the resolutions you made at the beginning of the year and feel a twinge of guilt for not achieving all those goals? In other words, are you giving yourself a hard time for being like the vast majority of people??

Estimates suggest that around 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by mid-February. So I’d like to invite you to ditch your resolutions before you even start thinking about making that list. You can listen here if you’d like to hear from me and my team about more intentional, achievable alternatives to resolutions.?

While the close of one year and the beginning of another spurs many of us to reflect and resolve to do X, Y, Z in the New Year, let’s be real: goals can be set at any time, so there’s nothing inherently special about starting anything on Jan. 1. And even if you didn’t accomplish anything “big” this year, let’s take this as an opportunity to celebrate even small wins and learnings. I’d say making it through the year is a win in and of itself.?

What can we let go of and lean into?

Balancing the positive and negative impacts of the holiday season is essential for our wellbeing. By letting ourselves sit with and get real about the challenges, we can let go of the aspects of the season that don’t serve us. And by leaning into the positive aspects that bring us the most joy, we can create experiences that are uniquely meaningful to us – not just society’s expectations of what constitutes a “wonderful” holiday.?

I’m curious – what’s one thing you can give yourself permission to let go of between now and the rest of the year? And what’s one opportunity for joy that you can lean into for yourself?

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