Unwrapping Holiday Stress

The holidays can be a wonderful season of togetherness, generosity, and festivities, and they can also be extremely stressful for a number of reasons! In this article I will unpack (or unwrap) some of my best strategies for mediating stressors and optimizing wellness during the holiday season. I will show you how to set realistic expectations for yourself around the holidays as well as how to map appropriate self-care and set boundariesfor a festive season that nourishes instead of depletes. 

This year in particular, with people are already experiencing higher levels of fatigue and exhaustion, the holidays have become even more complex. For many of us, stress in our professional and personal lives is at an all-time high, making it imperative that we approach this holiday season with a commitment to our wellbeing and a thorough understanding of how to maintain emotional regulation and a sense of calm.  

We must be strategic and purposeful with how we carry the stress of the holidays. For some of us, this is also a time when we are experiencing a sense of loss and grief over how we traditionally celebrate the holidays. Our plans with family and friends have had to change. The darker days of winter are here and our bright holiday traditions that we cherish have been upended. Reconciling ourselves to these sudden and disappointing challenges and changes have added an entirely new layer to the wrapping of holiday stress. In this article, I hope to show you that you are not alone in feeling this way and that it is completely okay to feel a storm of emotions right now. It is okay to find this challenging. My invitation for you is... 

This holiday season, maybe, just maybe this year, we can do less and feel more. 

A Few of My Favourite Things

Here are  five of my favourite things to keep us happy and well during a hectic holiday season! This year, put yourself at the top of your nice list by carving out a bit of time to make sure you have what you need to be well. In this way, you will support both yourself and your loved ones in navigating any holiday stressors to the best of your ability. 

1.     Plan Your Holidays and Wellness

The best way to take care of ourselves and each other during the holidays is to have a plan. Understanding that the holidays might be a bit stressful, we can plan accordingly and designate time for rest and recovery and prepare ourselves emotionally and mentally for all the hustle and bustle. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you create your plan:

·Manage your expectations. Stress builds when our expectations do not meet reality. Be thoughtful of what is realistic and meaningful. 

·Be Clear of What is Most Important. Is it a perfect Instagram post or is it my peace of mind? Ask yourself:

o   What is my goal?

o   How do I meet it safely, realistically and responsibly?

o   How do I want to feel this holiday season?

o   What matters most? 

o   What do I need to know I did well? 

·Make Safe Choices. Resist the urge to bow to pressures or to keep up appearances. Your health and wellbeing are paramount. You should make safe choices for you and your family regardless of what others may want.

·Be Nimble. Just like Old St. Nick, being nimble and quick, or creative and flexible and able to pivot with our best laid plans means that we are able to focus on what is most important – feeling calm, joyful, and grateful and sharing a meaningful holiday season at home.

2.     Recognize and Respond to Feeling Overwhelmed

The stress curve below demonstrates what optimal stress looks like and how when we move into distress or emotional dysregulation and overwhelm, our ability to cope is diminished. 

What does it feel like for you when you shift from the zone of stress to distress? 

Typical signs include fatigue, exhaustion, and ill health. Other signs may be a decrease in compassion, empathy, and motivation. Many people tell me that they ‘just don’t care’ or that they feel stuck. And some people have shared that they just do not feel like themselves anymore. Knowing our ‘tells’ and recognizing them is the first step in responding appropriately to ourselves when we are in distress. When we slow down, check in, and are patient and kind with ourselves, we can speak warmly to ourselves and ask...

what do I need in this moment? 

3.     Emotional Regulation

Learning how to self-regulate is one of the most important skills we can develop. Learning how to calm our nervous system once we are in the distress zone will have significant benefits in every area of our lives, and will greatly help us this holiday season. Here are some suggestions on how to emotionally regulate: 

·      Breathe. 

·      Choose your maxim or mantra. 

·      Connect with friends. 

·      Free Flow Write.

·      Practice self-compassion. 

·      Move Your Body. 

·      Rest.

·      Ask for help. 

When you find an activity that brings you joy or peace, incorporate it into your daily and weekly routines. By being consistent and intentional with our self-care routine, we can reduce or prevent feelings of stress and anxiety, which is incredibly important this holiday season. 

4.     Resiliency Markers

As the holiday season approaches, it can be powerful to set an intention of how we want to experience the season. In my work I use my resiliency markers, which are an adaptation of resiliency finisher statements such as I have, I am, I can, I will. Here is an example of the I WILL sentence finishers that I am using for this holiday season: 

I will: 

·      Accept Imperfections

·      Focus on What Really Counts

·      Respond with Kindness

·      Rethink Resolutions

·      Protect My Peace

·      Cultivate Joy 

5.     Difficult Conversations 

Time with loved ones, virtual or otherwise, can be restorative and joyful, yet sometimes it can also be full of challenging triggers. There is a season for everything – a time to let the water pass under the bridge as well as those times when we need to speak up and have difficult conversations. Stings of unresolved or unexpressed challenges between us create barriers to our sense of connection and belonging, both of which are crucial for our resiliency and wellness. It is so important therefore, that we learn how to resolve these sensitive issues together in a way that feels good for all parties. Part of being in relationship and community requires skillful communication, and no where are these skills more required than when we have to have difficult conversations. 

The Language of Compassion, also known as the Non-Violent Communication model, developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, is an approach to effective communication that rests on the assumption that we all share fundamental human needs. When we have our needs met – when we feel safe – we naturally want to help others get their needs met. Our needs are connected to our feelings and thoughts. Here is a four-step process of practicing a way of asking for what we need in a way that our loved ones can hopefully hear: 

Boundaries are necessary for all forms of relationships, and boundaries require practice, practice, and more practice – just like having difficult conversations. For some people, holding the boundary of people in our lives as ‘family’ and ‘relatives’ is helpful.  We do need a home team, but we do have a choice of who is on that team. It is at times necessary to create additional space for ourselves, especially around the holidays, if we cannot get our needs met or have our boundaries respected in our relationships with family. Trust that you will know what is right for you and remember to take the time you need to listen in and to take good care.  

Again, my invitation for you is this holiday season, maybe, just maybe this year, we can do less and feel more.