Unworthy?

Have you ever found yourself feeling unworthy of success? Or maybe, when you receive recognition, you deflect the attention. Or, perhaps, when you think about the future, you feel like that next big promotion will never happen for you because… well, you're unworthy of that title.

?As women, many of us grapple with feelings of unworthiness at some point in our lives and careers.

?But why is that? What is it about being a woman that often leaves us questioning our own worthiness?

I want to start with a bit of a history lesson - I actually really love the show, Mad Men. I won't go into all the details of it, but it's about an ad agency in the 60's and the characters that were running it… mostly men. BUT - there are a few characters that quietly take control of some critical story lines… women who forge their way into the male-dominated, male-run industry and pave a path that was considered bold at the time.

But underneath their bold behavior in the workplace, they were also expected to run their homes, get married, have babies… you name it. The expectation of women as they were beginning to forge a path in the world of work was that they wouldn't change the role they played at home. They could work as long as it didn't "get in the way" of their home-making duties. And - over the years… that narrative has continued to play out… albeit much more quietly and insidiously.

You see - we've been taught that the gold standard for us is to manage it all - to be able to do it all. The kids activities, the schedules, the shopping, the career. And, of course - many of us have amazing partners that actively engage in all of these. In fact - in our house, my spouse is mostly in charge of the kid activities and driving. He knows where our boys need to be, and when.

But here's the truth -- even though our partners, and to some degree our world, has evolved… the stories we tell ourselves have not. We believe, regardless of the messaging and support we're getting from the people around us… that we have to do it all. We have an unrealistic expectation of ourself… even if no one else does.

?And - that unrealistic expectation spills over into every part of our life. When we don't have all the t's crossed and the I's dotted, we believe we don't deserve what's coming our way. We believe that the only way to "earn" that recognition, that promotion… is to be the woman who is conquering it all.

But what if we changed our definition of "worthy?"

What if "worthy" wasn't something you earned, but instead is something you "are."

You see - I think we spend most of our lives searching -- searching for the next promotion, for the next achievement, for the next round of recognition… for external affirmation that we are…. Well, worthy. Worthy of friendship, worthy of love, worthy of our beautiful life.

But - I think that's the big lie. I think worthiness isn't earned… it just is. Recently - my partner and I were out to dinner and we were talking about life and the pretty significant changes that have happened in the last 6 months… specifically, my work changes. I shared with him that… for the first time in my entire life, I feel clear and calm… called. My work is in complete alignment with who I am and what I know I'm meant to contribute to the world.

That shift isn't because I'm brave (it might be because I'm a little crazy, actually)… it's because 6 months ago, I realized that I'm worthy… worthy of joy, of happiness, of purpose, of fulfillment… exactly as I am. That this idea of worthiness isn't defined by the people around me, but instead by me getting out of my own way and realizing that being worthy isn't about perfection or achievement… it's about belief.

You see.. I believe each of us is created for something specific, something unique, something impactful. And worthiness is at the root of that belief. Before we can go out into the world and contribute our unique gifts, we have to begin with a deep understanding that we are worthy of the gifts we've been given. When we start with that posture of gratitude, we then shift into purpose and responsibility. Can you imagine being given a unique purpose or gift and wasting it??

Of course not - but that's what many of us do every day. We fail to slow down, look inside ourselves and believe that we are worthy of the talents, the love, the gifts we've been given and instead… we focus our energy on the people around us and THEIR assessment of our worthiness.

What might today look like for you if you stopped looking externally for validation of your worthiness and instead looked at your worthiness as a gift you cannot afford to waste… a gift that you have the responsibility to use.

How might you spend your time? How might you approach your conversations and relationships? What might that shift teach your kids, your coworkers,? your team, your partner about worthiness?

That's my challenge for you, ladies… believe… deep in your bones… that you have been given a gift that you have the responsibility to use - a gift that this world needs from you… and the world cannot afford for you to hide it or ignore it or let it sit quietly in the background. The world needs you to know that you are worthy and that worthiness needs to be the engine that moves you toward action - towards living a life that is in true alignment with who you are and how you're meant to contribute to the world around you.

And - that action doesn't need to be big - it doesn't require you to quit your job and make drastic life changes. But - it does require courage and a commitment to waking up everyday and aligning how you spend your time with who you are inside. It means that you will need to say "no" - I'm not volunteering for that extra activity because I need to spend time with my friends. No - I'm not going to take on that extra project at work because I'm going to make every single one of my kids baseball games this summer. No - I'm not going to internalize that feedback because… well - it's not helpful and it says more about you than it says about me. No - I'm not going to do the laundry tonight because I want to have a glass of wine and enjoy some time with my partner.

They key here is this - use the small choices you make to simplify your life to the core components that bring you the most joy.

Yes - it will mean that you maybe disappoint someone and the laundry might pile up and you might be eating more take away than you'd prefer. But… I've never heard of anyone at the end of their life saying "I sure wish I had kept up with the laundry more…"

And that's the point… the choices you make everyday tell the story of your life… and what do you want that story to be? One of worthiness and fulfillment? Or one of activity?

I want to challenge you today to make one small shift - one "no," if you will - to begin to take ownership of your life's story… and to ground that story in using the gifts you've been given and a clarity of your worthiness of those gifts.

Your new journey starts today, my friend.

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?

?