Unveiling the Myth: How Anyone Can Develop Effective Leadership Qualities
Leaders are made, not born. I strongly believe that almost anyone can become a leader with the right nurturing and guidance.
Are there individuals who are naturally more intelligent, emotionally intelligent, communicative, charismatic, and generally more prepared to become leaders? Yes. However, does this mean that if you do not possess these innate qualities, you cannot develop them? No. It ultimately depends on your upbringing, environment, team, boss, and most importantly, yourself, to overcome any disadvantages and become an exceptional leader.
“Leaders are made, not born. With the right guidance and enough dedicated effort and self-reflection, anyone can become an exceptional leader.”
There are numerous talented individuals in the world who have never achieved greatness because they lacked the determination, resilience, and ability to push themselves. Conversely, the absence of talent can be overcome through dedicated effort, leading to true greatness.
It’s All In Your Head
Regardless of whether you want to become a good leader or help someone else, the journey begins in the mind of the person with leadership ambitions. I like the concept introduced in the book Leadership and Self-Deception by The Arbinger Institute. They refer to it as being “in the box.”
The core problem of why so many people struggle to become good leaders is that they live in a world of self-deception. They believe the problem lies outside of themselves. They believe they are doing their best, trying to help, and leading, but the world doesn’t listen, fights back, and acts stupidly without knowing what’s good for it. This is self-deception. The real problem is you.
How You Betray Yourself
Imagine this: You walk around your colleague’s desk and notice they are visibly struggling. Let’s call him John. He’s working on some calculations in a spreadsheet; you know he’s still new to the job. You’re quite skilled in these sorts of things, and you know you could easily solve the problem. However, you’re on your way to get a coffee, so you ignore the struggle and pretend not to notice the minor issue. Now, when you think about it, you might say that this is no big deal and that these things happen all the time, and you would be right. It’s not your job to help others with their work.
“When you act contrary to what you know is the right thing to do. You betray yourself.”
But then again, you’re all part of the same team. You’re working towards the same goal. You could have just as easily stopped by and spent a minute of your time helping your struggling colleague. The benefits of doing so are immense. You could make John more efficient, help him learn something new, build a better relationship, and demonstrate true team spirit. You acted contrary to what you knew was the right thing to do. You betrayed yourself.
When You Betray Yourself, You See The World In A Way That Justifies Your Betrayal
You continue to get your coffee and justify in your head why you didn’t help out. It’s not your job, right? You can’t do the work for everyone else, and you can’t even remember a time when John helped you. How else can he learn if not by going through the struggle? You have so many other things on your plate. And you need the coffee; you can’t waste your coffee break on this kind of nonsense.
“By betraying yourself and finding justifications for your actions, you shift the blame onto others and avoid responsibility for your own actions.”
When you see the world this way, your reality becomes distorted. What happens when you come back from your coffee break? You realize that you need the results of your colleague’s work to proceed with your job. John is still not finished. Why did we hire such a stupid person who can’t even make simple calculations in a spreadsheet program? You get angry with him and express your dissatisfaction. He is slowing you down; you should probably complain to your boss. If you don’t get things done around here, no one else will.
By betraying yourself and finding justifications for your actions, you shift the blame onto others. And by shifting the blame onto others, you invite defensiveness and counter-attacks.
You Influence Others So That They React To Your Distorted View Of The World
By expressing your distress with John, he becomes defensive and sees you as a jerk who only cares about yourself and no one else. What goes on in his mind? He believes that you are the problem. You should have asked earlier that you needed the calculations so that John had enough time to provide them. You always complain about others not working while you spend tons of time in the coffee shop. You always take credit for the work of others and are a backstabbing bastard who complains to the boss instead of working things out within the team.
So here you are: no work done, damaged relationships, and a toxic atmosphere in the team. One of the basic definitions of leadership is about owning everything in your world and having the ability to get things done. If you showed some leadership, you could stop all of this negativity from the start and improve your team’s performance.
How To Start On The Path To Becoming A Great Leader
What can you do to change the way you think about the world? Start by considering others as human beings with the same needs, desires, and fears as you have. Stop seeing others as objects that create problems and pose threats to you.
If you want to become a leader, there are certain things that you can, and in fact should, stop doing as they do not bring you closer but rather push you further away from becoming a great leader.
Don’t try to change others, but instead focus on what you can do differently.
Don’t try to tolerate and endure unacceptable behavior, as it only makes your internal dialogue more toxic.
Don’t try to communicate with others from a negative place; first, adopt a mindset of not blaming others.
Stop being paranoid, stop betraying yourself, and instead of blaming the world, start by examining yourself. Blaming others does not help them. In fact, we blame others to help ourselves, as illustrated by the example of John. In the end, we don’t help anyone. By eliminating prejudice and avoiding being judgmental, you demonstrate the greatness and self-awareness necessary to connect with other people and lead.
Regardless of the circumstances, you must always treat others with respect. I was once asked in which situations it is acceptable to yell at other people to get them to do what needs to be done. The answer? Never! Even a single instance can damage your reputation in the eyes of others; they will start to believe that you have revealed your true self and are only pretending the rest of the time. Yelling at others is disrespectful, and although you may think it has an effect by pushing them into high gear, chances are it will have a negative long-term impact. Attempting to lead through fear is not a sustainable strategy.
All of this doesn’t mean that you should shoulder the world’s weight and become the scapegoat for the entire universe. On the contrary, when you achieve a truly unbiased state of mind, you are able to assess situations without prejudice and with clarity. This helps you connect with others and hold both yourself and them accountable without getting caught in a blame game.
Putting It All Together
The path to becoming a great leader is less about innate talent and more about personal development and self-awareness. Leadership is a skill that can be nurtured, not a trait one is simply born with. It’s about overcoming self-deception, treating others with respect, and taking responsibility for one’s thoughts and actions and their impact on the team.
By shifting focus from blaming others to examining and improving oneself, individuals can develop the qualities necessary for effective leadership. The journey starts with changing one’s mindset, viewing others as equals, and consistently acting in a manner that fosters trust and collaboration. True leadership is about owning your actions, influencing others positively, and creating a respectful and productive environment, proving that leadership skills can be developed with dedication and the right approach.
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Originally posted on my blog about management, leadership, communication, coaching, introversion, software development, and career The Geeky Leader or follow me on Facebook and Twitter: @GeekyLeader