Unveiling the Journey: From Insecurity to Confidence with 4 simple agreements

During my younger years, I struggled with profound feelings of insecurity. The mere thought of attending school or going into unfamiliar environments would send waves of unease through me. In social settings, I often found myself assuming the role of the quiet one in the room, my inner turmoil hidden beneath a composed exterior.

As I matured, my confidence took tentative steps forward. Yet, when faced with public speaking engagements, my composure would stumble. My face would flush crimson/tomato during serious conversations or meetings, and the idea of presenting on stage filled me fear.

It was a pivotal realization that changed my perspective. The fear of judgment—of being scrutinized and judged by others—was the root cause of most of my struggles. I would worry over how my questions were perceived or whether my ideas were worthy. Little did I know that most of my peers, classmates, and audience members never questioned my actions—they were too preoccupied with their own concerns.

In retrospect, my insecurity was a self-imposed barrier. Today, armed with newfound awareness, I strive to embrace vulnerability, learn from every experience, and contribute value to both me and those around me.

What others say and do is a projection of their reality, their ‘dream’. - Don Miguel Ruiz

During a pivotal moment in my life, I stumbled upon a book titled The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Little did I know that this encounter would profoundly alter my perspective on existence and my place within the complicated web of human connections.

Ruiz’s point were broken down four fundamental principles that simply resonated with me:

Be Impeccable with Your Word: The power of language extends beyond mere communication. It shapes our reality, influences relationships, and defines our self-image. By choosing my words carefully and speaking with integrity, we honor our own truth and uplift those around us. I always speak with integrity and say only what I mean. I avoid gossip and try to use my words to steer in the direction of truth and love.

Don’t Take Anything Personally: In the grand playhouse of life, everyone plays their roles. When we internalize others’ actions or opinions, we innocently assume their burdens. Recognizing that their behavior reflects their own reality—not ours—liberates us from unnecessary suffering. I realized that I had been doing this all my life! As I read the book, I came to understand that nothing others do is because of me. What others say and do is a projection of their reality, their ‘dream’.

Although I am not immune to the opinions or actions of others (my peers, managers, and wife can attest to that, haha), I now realize that when someone is critical or provides feedback, it’s like a gift. I have the power to accept the gift, open it, take it in, and keep it…or not. I can even return the gift of feedback and criticism after opening it!

Don’t Make Assumptions: The mind creates stories and narratives based on incomplete information. By questioning assumptions and seeking clarity, we can break down the walls of misunderstanding. Authentic connections thrive in the absence of assumptions.

I used to ask myself why or what if all the time, without knowing if those were the questions others asked. Now, instead, I try to find the courage to ask and express what I am thinking or want. I do my best to communicate as clearly as possible to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, or disappointment.

The other day, a peer and friend called me out over something I said that didn't sit right with him, and it felt easy to resolve once he brought it to my attention

Always Do Your Best: Excellence isn’t about perfection; it’s about wholehearted effort. Whether navigating personal growth or contributing to the collective consciousness, our best is enough. It’s the compass guiding us toward fulfillment. Lately, I've spent quite a bit of time exploring the concept of Kaizen, striving to improve a little each day. This also helps me avoid self-judgment or regrets because I know my words and actions always come from a good place.

As I absorbed these agreements and each interaction became an opportunity to practice these principles—to be impeccable, resilient, and compassionate.

You may be curious whether I have completely overcome all traces of insecurity. The honest answer is a profound no. However, I have reached a level of confidence that empowers me to write this newsletter, step onto stages for keynotes, contribute fresh ideas in any setting, and engage in challenging conversations with peers, managers, customers, and partners.

My path from insecurity to confidence was far from effortless, and I am still on that journey. Yet, the transformation has been invaluable. I discovered that my fear of judgment by others lay at the core of my insecurities. Interestingly, most people never scrutinized my actions as harshly as I imagined.

The wisdom of “The Four Agreements” profoundly shifted my perspective on life and self-perception. By applying these principles, I invite you to explore your own transformation. Remember, change is demanding but entirely within reach.

The growth zone newsletter

As I continue my journey of growth and discovery, I find myself learning something new almost every day. This relentless pursuit of knowledge fuels my belief in the power of a “learn-it-all” mindset. I am equally committed to creating value, both for myself and those around me and this newsletter is one of my ways.

My hope is that these reflections might resonate with you, inspire you, or perhaps even challenge your perspectives. Whether you’re navigating your personal life or striving for excellence in your professional endeavors, I invite you to join me on this journey. Feel free to engage with me! Your thoughts, ideas, and comments are always welcome. I read and respond to each one.

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