Unveiling Identity: A Journey of Self-Discovery

August 2008

My maiden (and only) trip to Atlanta for a two day conference.

Conference done, I was at the airport, to catch my flight back home.

Given that it was a short trip and I was booked on the same airline for my onward and return journey, I knew the flight entertainment by heart and I was dead certain that I needed a plan B for spending my time profitably during my sojourn in the aircraft.

Operation "Peel-your-eyes-to-find-a-bookstore" was put in place right away and within a few minutes I found myself standing in front of a bookstore.

There was a section in there that had offers...you could buy two or three books for a pittance...the only challenge was that the books were bunched together with a wrapper around them...you could not pick up books of your choice. And boy, was that a dampener.

And that is when my eyes fell on a book with a strange title "Six Characters in Search of an Author" by Luigi Pirandello.

It was priced at 75 cents...the stingy bastard in me was elated at this and I promptly bought the book.

Turned out that book was actually a play, a genre that I was not really comfortable reading.

Yet, read I did.

At its core, the play revolves around six characters who are desperately seeking an author to complete their unfinished story. Abandoned by their original creator, they invade a rehearsal of another theatrical production, insisting that their lives and experiences are just as valid as those of the actors on stage. This rather audacious (and delicious) premise set the stage for a narrative that constantly oscillated between the real world and the world of fiction.

The book (play) delved deep into questions of identity and existence. The characters, representing both the author's creations and autonomous beings, grappled with their own identity. Were they merely the product of a writer's imagination, or did they possess a self-defined existence? This existential crisis lies at the heart of the play, inviting readers(audiences) to contemplate the nature of human identity and the boundaries of creativity.

Furthermore, the play raised profound questions about the elusive nature of truth. Each character presented their own version of events, leading to a complex web of conflicting narratives. This exploration of subjectivity and the relativity of truth is a recurring theme throughout the play, emphasizing the ambiguity and complexity of human existence.

I managed to finish reading the book in one sitting and that reading set the foundation for me on one one topics that I have since consciously wrestled with...Searching for my identity.

Like characters in Pirandello's play, I believe, we all seek out a stage to reveal our identities via our experiences and stories. In doing so, we have our own version of the Truth that we desperately hold onto.

Caught in this vortex, we at times forget to ponder and obtain clarity on the basic question...What is my identity ?

Is it my job ? My roles ? My relationships ? The assets (including knowledge) I have accumulated ? My experiences ? Is it what others think of me ? Is it what I want others to think of me ? Is it a bit of all of these ? Is there more to it ?

What does searching for one's identity mean?

Searching for one's identity refers to the process of self-discovery, self-examination, and self-definition. It is an inner exploration aimed at understanding one's values, beliefs, passions, and purpose in life. Identity encompasses various aspects, including cultural, social, emotional, and personal dimensions. This quest seeks to uncover the unique combination of characteristics that make each person an individual.

Why is it important ?

The reasons are many. I focus on few that I feel are of particular relevance.

Self-Acceptance

One of the primary reasons to search for one's identity is to achieve self-acceptance. By understanding who we are and embracing our strengths and weaknesses, we can develop a more positive self-image and build self-esteem. This self-acceptance is crucial for mental and emotional well-being.

Personal Growth

The journey of self-discovery is inherently linked to personal growth. As we explore our values, beliefs, and passions, we gain clarity about our goals and desires. This clarity provides a foundation for personal development and enables us to set meaningful objectives for ourselves.

Authentic Relationships

Knowing ourselves deeply allows us to form more authentic and meaningful relationships with others. When we are in touch with our true selves, we can connect with others on a deeper level, leading to healthier and more fulfilling connections.

Life Purpose

Discovering one's identity often leads to a better understanding of one's life purpose. This sense of purpose can provide motivation, direction, and a sense of fulfillment in our daily lives.

Resilience

A strong sense of identity can also contribute to resilience. When we know who we are and what we stand for, we are better equipped to face challenges and adversity with confidence and determination.

How do you begin the journey of search for one's identity ?

The journey to unearth one's identity is as unique as each individual embarking upon it. Nevertheless, there are universal steps and practices to initiate this transformative journey.

I am sharing five of these, in the order in which I have found them useful to me.

-Self-Reflection

-Exploration of Interests (literary in my case)

-Questioning assumptions

-Seeking Feedback

-Professional Guidance

The journey is not easy and poses its fair share of challenges. Some of them are :

-The urge to seek external validation

-Curse of comparison

-Fear of change

-Rigidity

-Isolation

At various points in time, I have over the years, fallen prey to each of these challenges, in some form of the other.

Where am I on my journey of finding my identity today ?

The pursuit of my identity has been a multifaceted journey, marked by both fascination and fatigue. With each attempt to unearth the core of who I am, I am uncovering new facets of my being.

I've realized that identity isn't a fixed point but a complex mosaic of experiences, beliefs, and passions. Just when I think I've grasped a fundamental aspect of myself, another layer unfolds, laying bare the depth of my own complexity.

The diversity of roles I play in life—friend, family member, professional—adds further complexity to my quest. Each role brings out different aspects of my personality, and sometimes, they conflict.

Navigating societal expectations, cultural influences, and personal desires has been a delicate balancing act and I have not tasted success in this always.

Yet, amidst the complexity and exhaustion, the journey remains captivating. Strangely enough, it's the very exhaustion and the continual sense of incompleteness that drives me forward. The search is but an ever-evolving narrative—a story I get to write and rewrite as I uncover new facets of myself.

I am still a character like the ones in Pirandello's play, both the author and the actor, constantly revising the scripts of my identity.

I intend to continue with this journey. I know not if I would find something that would make me happy. I know not if I would find anything at all.

I intend yet, to continue with this journey.

If you have read thus far, thank you.

I do hope you take the next logical, interesting, often exhausting and yet enriching step...that of finding YOUR identity.

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I am Sri Ram.

I Coach, Mentor and Facilitate Workshops to help Organizations, Leaders and Teams become clear and confident communicators, both in the written and verbal formats, by deepening their self-awareness.

I read, I write, I watch movies.

I do all of this happily.

But I am happiest when I walk my dog and so is she. Win-win games do exist.

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