Unveiling Authentic Leadership: A Marine's Odyssey from Self-Reflection to Purposeful Impact

I am finally at a point where things make sense, and the picture is becoming clear in my purpose. I truly believe I was put on this earth to teach, train, and mentor human beings to reach their true potential. My cup is filled when I watch others win and live to their best potential. I know it sounds cliché, almost arrogant, but my life has been spent in servitude to others and I know that my calling is to bring the best out of others while I navigate my place. I was blessed to have some amazing leaders shape my thinking and they have been some of the best infantry leaders that shaped many of the deciding battles in Iraq and Afghanistan over the last two decades. They were all wise warriors but there is one that came into my life at the right moment, that transformed my thinking and my ability to lead. He is lovingly known to me and countless others, as Uncle Jay, and he transformed my life by making it more difficult.

Uncle Jay met me as a young Staff Sergeant in the Marine Corps who was more salesman than leader. I was selfish and sensitive, and the results gained in my current line of work were more important than the time that I took to help others on their journey. He changed that, by forcing me to live by a code of morals that he developed to look beyond immediate fulfillment and was the agent of change that I needed to put me on course to achieve self-actualization. When I departed Recruiting Station (RS) Sacramento he sent me an email with some rules to live by that have helped me achieve great things in service but have served as a driving force in my life. Today, I want to share a few of these rules for those who are currently in transition, and I believe that they will help those who serve in corporate America. The following is a reflection on the rules and how they have applied to my life since retiring from the Marine Corps and I hope to share what I have learned to help others.

#5. Be Real. Don’t try to be anything you’re not. If you don’t like who that person is, change.

Before retiring, I found myself in a relationship with a person that met the majority of my needs and desires in life. It was a long-distance relationship and when we were together everything felt great and in sync. When I retired, the dynamic changed and with my more open availability the relationship started to head in a direction that didn’t fulfill me appropriately and I could feel her start to pull away. We separated the day after I was officially retired, and I was devastated by it. This is not what I had planned before retiring and was a huge blow to my confidence, and life plan, and had me questioning why I had decided to retire.

In retrospect, the entire time I was in the relationship I was the one pursuing it and was left feeling empty because I wasn’t being authentic to myself. The military has a way of making you think that things that are ok, are fantastic because it is a break from the pressures that require energy and attention while serving. The loss of that relationship put me into a depressive state and it took the better part of 18 months to process and understand. I wasn’t being real with myself and overlooking flaws to keep things copasetic. Looking back, had I just followed rule #5 I could have avoided a long period of heartbreak because it wouldn’t have ever pulled me as deep. I don’t regret the experience or the times that were shared, I regret not following the rules.

#8. Commit to things. Once you do, go all in.

I never had a problem with committing to things in service but upon separating I immediately began to question the decision that I had made. I was promoted to the highest rank you could achieve on the enlisted side and had an additional ten years that could be served. I was at the height of my career in service but referencing Rule #5, I was no longer as passionate and fulfilled to attack my duties with vigor and it was time to move on.

As billets and positions started to open before my official separation date, I began to find myself contemplating whether or not I should attempt to retreat to what I knew. It was a very vulnerable time and there was so much change happening that I began to question why I had made the decision that I had made leave. I found myself wanting to be involved in the mission I previously had instead of investing that energy into my current mission and navigating my journey.

When I reflected on rule # 8, I was able to reframe my thinking and focus my energy and thinking to commit to myself and find my calling in my post-service life.

#10. If something has you enslaved, recognize it, and make it go away. If that is hard, it is pretty serious. See item 14.

Recruiting is a hard lifestyle that requires 100% of an individual’s soul to be successful. This equates to 18-hour days 5-7 days a week with very little time for self-care. I was a high-pressure salesmen instructor responsible for the results in one of the most liberal anti-militant areas of the country. We had huge success due to the work that was required but it came at a cost. With the limited amount of time that I had away from work, I would choose to spend that time celebrating the wins, and alcohol was always involved. This was a normal coping mechanism that I did not realize was abuse, it was a way of life and “how things were”.

Upon my separation from the Marines, it was amazing to not have the pressure that was associated with the stresses of service. I could sleep in and did not have the constant responsibility of a mission. I found myself with more time on my hands than I was used to and having time to do things I was never able to. For example, the first month I was no longer accountable to the Marine Corps, I attended every home San Franciso Giants or Oakland Athletics home game. The celebration would start a little earlier in the day, and it was awesome. I began living my best life with minimal stress and just enjoying the newfound freedom that I had earned.

I found a new role and a mission that gave me purpose, but it came with unforeseen stressors that I didn’t expect. With those stressors and additional time, I found myself celebrating the same way I did in the military because it was familiar and felt right. It was also common to have drinks with potential clients and sponsors after hours and I quickly started to feel that I was becoming someone I didn’t recognize. I didn’t like who I was becoming, so I reflected on the rules and realized that I was beginning to become enslaved.

I didn’t want to become dependent on any substance in my life and made the decision that I was no longer going to use alcohol as a stress relief or celebration reward. I focused my energy on meditation, self-care, and enjoying being ok with sitting still and embracing the present. I enjoy being myself now that I am free from a coping mechanism that was normalized for two decades. I am no longer enslaved but still enjoy a cold beverage or two every once in a while.

#14. When you drop to a knee- and we all do from time to time- send up a signal. You will do the line no good if you wait till it is too late. At that point, we will all have to do our tasks on top of figuring out what to do with your body.

Transitioning from the military was the hardest thing I have ever done in my Marine Corps Career. It was unknown territory, I had a ton of life changes in a condensed time frame, and I found myself questioning every decision I had made in life. I sometimes feel that I had an early quarter-life crisis, but this is the one rule that probably saved my life.

I found myself depressed, confused, unclear of my future, and afraid. There were times that I felt ashamed because of those emotions of doubt that I was having. I was lucky enough to have some amazing members of my tribe that I could reach out to in these moments. They were lifelong friends that had gone through the same process but hadn’t been privy to the “rules”. Making those phone calls in vulnerable moments provided the context and clarity that was needed to help me stay focused on personal growth instead of going internal and running the risk of becoming another statistic.

#17. Sometimes you get to where you are by dumb luck, the hard work of those around you, or the grace of God- Don’t take credit for it.

Everything I have ever achieved was a result of the hard work of those that I was fortunate enough to lead. I am fortunate enough to be around an amazing group of human beings who help me become a better version of myself daily. My time in uniform was a result of the work of those that I was fortunate to serve with. I always wanted to give credit where it was due, and I was just a facilitator of their success and growth. The same can be said for my journey outside of uniform. I am surrounded by some of the most talented human beings in my current line of work, and it is their hard work that has allowed the AllegiantVets team to make the impact it has over the last 24 months. This internal team is comprised of amazing leaders who live to serve their fellow man and fellow service members.

I have had the privilege of working with every team member and section within the organization and would not for one second, take any credit for the work that they do. My teammates are creative, hardworking, inventive, determined, and kind servant leaders. They care about the community that has been created and the individuals that are part of the community that has selflessly chosen to serve our Nation. I am humbled to call these men and women, colleagues and members of this special tribe who have changed my life and given me purpose.

My journey from the military to civilian life has been filled with challenges, growth, and invaluable lessons. Each rule I've shared has played a crucial role in shaping my perspective and guiding me toward a fulfilling life of purpose and authenticity. As you reflect on my experiences and the lessons learned, I encourage you to consider your journey. Take a moment to think about the rules or principles that have guided you through life's ups and downs. Are there areas where you can apply these lessons to enhance your path toward personal and professional fulfillment?

Remember, life is a continuous journey of learning and growth. Embrace the challenges, celebrate the victories, and stay true to yourself along the way. By staying committed to your values and striving to bring out the best in yourself and others, you can create a life of meaning and impact.

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. Let's continue this journey together, supporting and inspiring each other to reach new heights and make a positive difference in the world. Thank you for joining me on this adventure, and may we all find clarity, purpose, and fulfillment in our unique paths.

Click on the link to see all the rules