Unveil your true Intentions

I'm going to say this straight out of the gates; This can be confronting, yet, the most Powerful reflection tool you will ever get. Yes...big statement...and I don't say it lightly.

For the brave, committed-growers and those of you that wish to fully take responsibility for how people show up around you - it's nothing short of profound!

Now I have some big shoes to fill in terms of expressing why I said the above. Let me set you up with some key foundations first.

1. Every time you communicate, it's lathered in a mix of verbal, non-verbal, conscious and unconscious messages.
2. Most of what you communicate, is delivered subconsciously. In other words, there are deeper meanings, intentions and perspectives that drive what you are sharing.
3. Owning the communication (taking responsibility for it) is NOT the same as blaming yourself. There is no difference between blaming someone or blaming yourself. Instead, taking responsibility is about being in a position of owning the situation and if you are not happy with the outcome, being empowered to make changes to adjust.

You can not change what you do not own. Taking responsibility is the only way to truly shift your outcomes.

As I said, most of your communication is delivered subconsciously. You don't have awareness at the time...and if it starts to creep to the surface, most of us push through and ignore it, only to find out something didn't quite land the way we intended it to. Or did it?

This is where it gets scarily interesting. Trust me, no perfect script, dialogue preparation or advance mindset techniques can cover what will be unveiled! To top it off, other's lack of awareness to their intuitive response, only masks your veil even further.

A trip down learning-lane

December 2012. I was 9 months into my coaching and mentoring business. I had accumulated a wonderful group of private mentoring clients (those committed to my 1:1 monthly session package). One of my client's calls and says "JK, I was wondering whether we could extend our January session from our normal 1.5hrs, to say a full day? Of course I am happy to pay the additional fees, I would just love to be able to set up the year, unpack without a short time frame and see what shows up." "Of course! I responded"....

Now this is the exact sliding doors moment where my veil was about to be lifted...only problem; I wasn't aware of it!!!

I got off the phone and thought, wow...that's awesome. I was excited to be able to be able to spend the full day with my client. Deep dive into so much more with them and cover more than what we normally do in our traditional monthly sessions. On top of all of that, it's really nice to be valued...especially 9 months in to a new business.

Brain wave!

I reflected for a moment, and thought; "I wonder how many other clients wish they had the same opportunity, and simply felt it wasn't something that I do...why? Because I had never offered it in the past."

So I sent off a group email...to all my private mentoring clients, (bcc'd of course) sharing of the recent conversation, and if any other's would be interested in my offer including the additional fees that would apply.

Over the next 24-48 hours, they all came back to me with either a "Thanks JK, I'll take the half/full day" or a "Thanks JK, I'm happy with our normal 1.5hr session". Except One Client...my very first client...mmm...what does that mean?

Now initially, I was pretty chuffed at how I was able to expand my services, connection and of course, my fees for the next month...then that knot in the belly showed up; "Why didn't she respond (my very first client)?"

The phone call of truth

So I phoned...it was around a week after the initial email was sent out..."Hey <client>, how are you?" After the initial pleasantries, I asked - "So I noticed that you hadn't replied to my email last week with the option to extend our session in January and wondered if everything was okay?"

<Client> response..."Can I be totally honest with you?"....GULP..."Yes, please do". GULP. "I felt like you were trying to drum up extra business from me. I actually like the idea. If you had personalised the email to me, I most likely would have taken you up on one of your offers. I just didn't get a good feeling (her intuitive response) about it. (GULP).

I profusely apologized for her experience. Shared how I felt sick at the thought of coming through as a "upgrade" offer - then made it up to her massively!

Now...that's not the deep lesson;

The True meaning of your communication is the Response you get.

I reflected. I owned it. I dug deep and here is what I discovered.

If I am brutally honest with myself, there was absolute truth in her supportive and loving comment...I was drumming up extra business. I did have a self serving motive. Is that wrong...No...however that's not the lesson either.

So here is the lesson. The profound truth when you communicate!

No matter what you say or do, your true intention ALWAYS comes through. I'll say it again. Your True intention ALWAYS comes through. That doesn't mean the other person becomes aware of it. They may sense it. They may simply "feel uncomfortable". Or they may be so disconnected from their own response, that they too ignore it. Either way, it still comes through.

To be truly vulnerable, is to be truly powerful.

We often say that an extremely powerful leadership and trust builder is to show vulnerability. I feel that this is often misunderstood for showing emotions (yes that is true too), it's just not limited to that.

Vulnerability in this case would have been to say to my client that we both get to win. I enjoy being able to help others, and as a byproduct, build my business too (not necessarily in that language, however, you get my drift).

I'll share what I learnt to apply moving forward:

1. Ask yourself, what are my true intentions?
2. Am I okay with these being transferred across to the person I am interacting with?
3. If yes, share them either openly or indirectly - either way it's okay.
4. If no, then either change your intentions (difficult to do), or reveal it (it's going to come through anyway).

Ultimately, when we try to hide or cover up a true intention, to those that have a sense of awareness, you risk coming off as manipulative. Now that is the ultimate relationship trust-breaker.

Unveil your own intentions before someone else does. Otherwise, in some situations, it feels like you have just had your pants dropped!

If you have read this far, then perhaps it's because you are having people issues in your business, or maybe it's because you are frustrated with the lack of follow through on the instructions you are giving.

If this is the case, let me know and what you have reflected, owned and realised by reading this. I would love to hear from you.