Untying the knot of Life

He kissed her goodnight and turned towards his study desk. The desk lamp glared at those heavy files and audit papers with numbers scattered all over. He cleaned his glasses and with a sigh stared at the frantic clock. How he wished it could rest and stop for a while 11.35 pm few hours of restless sleep and then face a day full of unwanted itinerary. He dreaded the dawn as it brought along mails, files, meetings, presentations , client targets, hurried lunchtime and loads of pressure and anxiety.

Next day was no less different it brutally outlived the monotony of a helpless living. He returned home drunk, but was so unfortunate that couldn’t even play the victim as his wife was sound asleep. No one to share or care was the situation, to relieve himself of the heartburn he turned towards his sacred book - the book of travel. He had stolen it from a book store when he was 12, fascinated by the beautiful location and the dreams, he could not resist but steal it. Since then dream of being a world traveler and a journalist was the only thing that bought a smile on his weary face.

He would forget how exhausted he was when he saw the picturesque locations and visualized the adventure. But slowly reality had taken charge and this silly dream had to take a back seat.

Man that he was – he was left with no option but settle and exchange his life dreams for daily pursuits of happiness . He did not blame anyone but himself for this cowardice of not accepting his first love, hiding it due to peer pressure. As he glanced through the pages fondly, an ad caption caught his attention that said, “We make it Happen” he had noticed it umpteen times but never quite felt this intense surge to follow it. His face brightened, his eyes lost all the sleep, he had made a choice now. All years he lived but never quite experienced this adrenaline rush, he took to writing and planning his journey as a travel journalist. He penned down every single detail, all his whims and fancies to clear the haze and gain clarity. He wrote and visualized and decided all night with an excitement of a toddler fiddling with a new toy. He knew this unconventional career choice at this age would be a huge financial risk but if he survived he would be living the life of his dreams –full of surprises, learning  and fame. He had lost count of time immersed in his own space excited for the new start. Fearless, determined to live life on his terms. Today he welcomed the rising sun with a smile for he chose to Live and breathe, escaping the captivity of monotonous mundane life – He was his own hero.

With a radiant smile and determined heart he stood and walked towards the kitchen to sip freshly brewed coffee and share this life changing decision with his partner. As he entered and was about to open the refrigerator he came across chit pads with bills to be paid Milkman 3000, Newspaper 200, Car wash man 1000, grocery 5000 and so on….His heart sunk, he managed to grab a bottle of water and gulped a sip when Geeta, his wife- busy making breakfast turned, smiled and kissed him, “Good morning”.

She hugged him and reminded him of paying his sons hostel fees by the evening. Before he could get rid of the lump in his throat and gain some courage of sharing his decision,  she said,  ”Mrs. Agarwal, our neighbor, has filed a divorce, felt terrible hearing this news. No time for each other as Mr. Agarwal use to be continuously travelling abroad for business. His steamy affairs also could be the reason for this separation. I prayed and thanked God yesterday for being married to a family man who has a settled finance job and very well understands the practicalities of life. Honey would you like to try toast or biscuits as usual?

He got rid of the lump finally and answered obediently “Biscuits as usual honey” and got back to his room to clear his desk of last night splurges. He quietly placed back all the papers in the travel book and dragged himself for a shower. He did not want to be late to office.

He multi tasked efficiently just the way he did in office, today he showered and cried together helpless and desperate. He came out wearing his regular formals and a forced smile, gazed in the mirror to comb. His wife came in, to help him with his tie a daily couple ritual. The dilemma in his brain continued.  One saying- “Make it Happen” while the other screaming “Live for your family, you are the provider the earning member. You cannot afford these luxuries. “As Geeta tied the knot and admired her husband’s clean shaved face, crisp ironed attire he said, ”Geeta……”

She said “Yes” there was a pregnant pause but the 1st half had triumphed. He could not believe what he said but he uttered these words ,”I want to be a travel journalist” Geeta looked at him at point blank. But like Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba’s, passion haunted him, he gathered courage to let her know that at 40 he wanted to pursue his goal. Geeta could not believe her eyes, ears and moreover her brain, she could not imagine the common man she was married to was actually born an adventure seeking soul.

She had misjudged him for all these years, she had tears rolling down her cheeks, not because she had lost her stable, family oriented husband but she realised he had the guts to confess and be true to himself. He looked at her still confused, like a kid waiting for his results. Geeta stared him eye to eye, smiled and slowly untied his tie knot.