The Untold Single Dads' Story:

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving and know that you are among the list of which I am thanking God for today.

Secondly, as you're spending time with family, watching the parade or football or taking a nap, there are three truisms in every family:

1) There's always a pink elephant in the corner

2) There's always that awkward family member or red-headed stepchild

3) There are always tasty tidbits

So here are some quick tidbits on the topic of the ultimate red-headed elephant, the single dad and the single parent.

So, let's get this awkward family reunion started, shall we?!

Welcome back Scott Haines, Amy Ambrozich, Rob Rohde and welcome Steve Elliot and Kristen Abernathy (two chicks? You'll see why):

All of these pros (Scott Haines, Amy Ambrozich, Rob Rohde , Steve Elliot DTM , Kristen Abernathy ) are either single parents, former single parents or an expert in the area of aiding single parents.

Scott is my midwestern, tri-state pal who I chat with in the comments and in the DMs almost daily. I am so excited for you to experience more of his wisdom (and maybe some of his stories in the comments). He's a riot.

Amy and Kristen are my fellow female #DadsMatter advocate from her own angle, and I am so blessed to have her as a part of my network and call her a friend.

Rob is not only a single dad to five but also a coach to single and divorced dads and always full of nuggets.

And Steve will always hold a special place in my heart. He was the first dad to truly support my crazy vision and mission, my first client to find me here on the platform, as well as our first Canadian client, eh?).

I am so excited to let them share their wisdom with you!

If you're ready, let's get these quick tidbits on the table.

From Scott Haines: Former Single Dad, Now Dad to a Blended Family/Girl Dad x 3 for 18+ Years:

"What is the most important lesson you can teach your kids?"

"That failure is ok. Don't be afraid to let your kid see you fail and definitely let them see how you deal with failure--they'll learn the most from that."

"What are the most important traits of a father (single or not)?"

• "Integrity,
• Presence (be there in their lives),
• Patience (kids will do dumb things--we do too!) Be patient with them), and consistency.
• Consistency goes along with integrity. Be consistent in what you say and do."

Co-parenting Strategies from Amy Ambrozich, BLENDED FAMILY PARENTING COACH:

"I only have my kids every other weekend, is it okay if I don't stick to the routine they have at their mom's house?"

• “While it is tempting to be the "fun" parent with no limits on screen time and no bedtime routines, consistency is important for the kids. You don't have to match home routines exactly, and some flexibility is fine, but overall, it's good to have standards in your home, too. It also helps the kids re-enter their mom's home and the routine with her.
• If you are the "Disney Dad" and don't require the kids to clean up after themselves or pitch in on chores, you're missing the opportunity to teach them life skills they need.

"How can I build bonds with my kids when I don't have them as often as their mom does?"

• If your co-parenting partnership is cordial, you can ask for time to connect with the kids via call or text on the nights they are at their mom's house. Set a time and make it a priority to ensure they have your undivided attention for the call.
• Attend your children's activities, even if you have to sit on the other side of the field, theater or dance practice. Show up, keep things civil with your ex (and her partner if that's the case) and make your child's experience the focus of that time.
• If co-parenting is high conflict, then on the days your kids are with you, tuck a hand-written letter in their backpack or suitcase before they leave to go to Mom's house. Let them know you're thinking of them on your days apart and how you're looking forward to their next visit.
• Also, plan ahead for activities with your kids so everyone has something to look forward to.

From Rob Rohde: Single Girl Dadx5 and Single and Divorced Dad Coach:

"How can I rebuild trust with my co-parent after breaking it?"

• "The best way to build trust is to extend trust. This might feel counterintuitive, but it’s a powerful tool. For me, this meant finding small opportunities to extend trust to my kids' mom. Sometimes it was as simple as deferring to her on a joint decision or trusting she was coming from a place of good intentions.
• Rebuilding trust takes time and consistency but showing her that you’re willing to extend trust can set the tone for mutual respect. Over time, your kids will notice and be better for it."

"How can I stay connected to my kids when I don’t see them every day?"

• "First and foremost, not seeing your kids every day, does not make you a part-time dad. You are still a full-time parent, and your kids need you to embrace that role.
• What does that look like when they’re not with you?
• It means finding creative ways to stay connected such as sending them funny texts, scheduling quick calls to say goodnight, or leaving little notes in their backpacks for them to find later. These small, intentional acts remind your kids that you’re always there for them, even when you're apart."

From Kristen Abernathy: Single Twin Boy Mom to Two High School Graduates & Girl Mom to a Six-Year-Old Diva Athlete:

"How do you do it?"?

"One of the most common questions for me.? I tell them I have tight circle of trust that allow to help with my kids.? Knowing that I have them there to help when needed is the biggest blessing in my life.? It is very hard as a single mom to ask for help, so build a group that you trust in all situations and sometimes, they will see the need before you have to ask."

"Not sure what the question would be here but the best advice I have for single parents"

"Slow down and spend time.? We are always so busy trying to fill all the voids and be all the things for our kids and to provide for them.? Sometimes, it is 100% needed to just slow down and be with your kids.? I have been blessed to have snuggly kids that have always wanted quality time at bedtime to talk through the day and just get loves before bed.? I cherish this time daily."

From Steve Elliot: Single Boy Dadx2 and Dadpreneur:

"How can I stay connected with what is going on with my child when I don't see them often or as often as I used to?"

• "Develop your conversational skills. Ask good open-ended questions to learn what is going on with your child. These can happen organically on walks, bus or car rides rather than at a dining room table.
• Offer to have their friends over when your child is with you. Be active in any birthday party planning or any other family traditions that you hold dear. Go on field trips as a parent helper to see and meet their friends.
• These are but a few ways to feel connected to them when you don't see them as often as you used to."

"What are some creative ways to stay in touch with your kids when they aren't with you?"

• "Staying in touch can be an important way to maintain contact and let your kids know you are thinking of them.
• Send a letter in the post, share a story of a time you had a great time with them, or mail them a greeting card to let them know you are thinking of them.
• If they have a mobile device send them texts to show them that you are thinking of them."

I hope these tidbits left you full and satisfied.

Come back next month to hear from more pros.

And if you liked this, feel free to ring my bell, share this with another dad and subscribe below.

Parting Reminders:

Check out my monthly audio room on the 1st Wednesday of the month at 2 PM EST, where I interview dads live on Dad Talk. You can ask them your own questions in real time.

Next week, I'll be interviewing Chris ?? Lomas and Ivan Ivancev of Hope4?? , who are literally changing the world. You should have serious FOMO of missing this conversation.

If you feel like someone would benefit from this newsletter, please like, comment and share.

Follow #NeverMissAMoment and #DadsMatter, as well as my dailies:

#MondayMoments #TuesdayTriumph #WednesdayWhoToFollow #ThursdayTips #FridayFavorite and #SillySaturday

And if you know a single dad/parent or are one who needs to know more on this topic, Scott Haines , Amy Ambrozich , Rob Rohde , Kristen Abernathy and Steve Elliot DTM are amazing humans to have in your corner.

We'll all be hanging out in the comments.

See you soon...

By the way, if we haven't met, I’m Anneliese Vance, Mommy CEO to 2 under 5, Dynamic Podcast Guest, Host and Author of Dad Talk and Human Jungle Gym. I help you Never Miss a Moment Consulting, LLC.

I am the mom that advocates for dads and puts their marketing on my shoulders so if your kids are small enough, you can put them up there instead.