Unthinkable, Horror, How Could This Happen?

“Entirely Predictable, Preventable and will Continue and Worsen” says Male DV Victim and Campaigner.

The tragic murder-suicide domestic violence incident that left five people dead in Brisbane over the last week has rocked the nation and led many to ask why such senseless deaths would occur in our community. But does the community really want to know why and do we as a society really want to prevent this happening again? Other than “thoughts and prayers”, what useful long-term practical actions are being taken to prevent a reoccurrence?

Similar tragedies will continue and become increasingly frequent because all confidence in the legal system has been lost. What faith can a woman really have that a protection order will protect her from a man who is intent on killing her? What confidence can a father really have that the legal system will ensure the mother cannot poison and withhold the children? In both cases - none at all. We are in a state of anarchy with police and the law doing too little too late and the public shocked when bad things happen.

The latest murder-suicide is the visible tip of the iceberg to which we respond with shock and horror, find one person who is “evil”, place blame, demand more punishment for “evil” and move on to the next distraction feeling content that the problem is fixed. Comfortable knowing that tragedies like that only happen in relationships between good people and evil people and since we are a good person and we are in a relationship with a good person it could never happen to us.

But domestic violence is complex and nuanced and will only become worse while we continue to see personal relationships as the fight between good and evil. That’s the narrative in cartoons and fairy-tails where we also see that “boy meets girl, gets married, has kids and lives happily ever after”, but it’s a fantasy. In the most recent incident, the happily ever after was visible for all to see on social media, until happily ever after stopped, things went wrong, signs were ignored, nobody did anything and tragedy occurred. Now, in hindsight and for our own comfort, we choose a different fantasy, that of the good person and the bad person.

The reality is that there is a war being waged between genders which has is escalating for decades and while the father ended the war by murdering his three children and their mother, and then dying by suicide, nevertheless, all five dead people are the latest high profile victims in that war.

• Would more people be alive if the father was locked up immediately after separation? Probably.
• How about if when police were called in January those officers spent 5 hours with each parent seeking to understand the problems and then requiring each person to legally commit to certain actions? Probably.
• How about if funding for mental health services was doubled or if the relationship between the father and the children was supported so he had no reason to miss them? Almost certainly.
• How about if police stations and magistrates courts were not covered with “men are evil and violent while women are good and peaceful” posters? Likely.

Will any of these things happen? Of course not, they are impractical or costly or go against the policy of the Queensland Government which is to use any opportunity to promote a war between genders.

Don’t believe me? - Check out the Queensland Government official media guide with my annotations and compare the recent media reports with the official recommendations. Here.

This latest instance of a father killing his three children, their mother and himself is too good an opportunity to pass up.

It’s a perfect opportunity to increase funding for ways to protect women and ‘their’ children which haven’t worked before and didn’t work here.

The ideological war between the genders will result in ever increasing deaths. The reasons for it are hidden behind the media reports, in the public responses, the fine print of government policy and the decisions of funding bodies.

About the Author

Knot Aman is an alias for a Brisbane-based male victim of 14 years of domestic violence, a human rights activist, social commentator, public policy consultant and former endorsed candidate for the federal Senate by the Equal Parenting Party. He was forced to withdraw his candidacy after threats of criminal prosecution by the Queensland Police for publicly claiming to be a victim of domestic violence.

He is diagnosed with PTSD due to abuse after the destruction of his 25 year career and his ability to work. His relationship with his three children has been ended for no legitimate reason, his savings have been exhausted on legal fees and he is in large amounts of debt. He has been denied support from most domestic violence services and his application for a disability support pension has been denied. His complaints to police and child safety have been ignored.

He is active on Facebook and LinkedIn and at knotaman.com.