The Unteachables: Confidence and Nihilism

The most confident people are unfazed by others’ opinions. But can you really teach someone to feel that way? Can confidence be taught at all?

Let’s call it what it is: not caring is, at its core, a form of nihilism. But here’s the twist—it’s not a grim or depressing thing.

In fact, I believe that nihilism is liberating.

My first real encounter with death's reality was when I visited my grandma in the hospital in January 2020. I remember stepping through the door and being hit with the sterile smell of antiseptic as I entered her colorless room alone. The air was cold and still. I saw her frail body. She was intubated and unconscious with her chest rising and falling mechanically. Her body shook—life was still there, but barely. I stood frozen, as I stared death straight in the face, and mustered up the courage to speak to her. After a few minutes, I stumbled into the waiting area, where a dozen of my relatives sat in silence. My dad walked over and asked: “how are you?” I broke down. I’d never seen death like that.

Within the next 18 months, I lost both my mom and my aunt. Not only that, but I saw death.

But it wasn’t until after that stretch that nihilism hit me. It was one day when a friend was panicking about being late to an event because they couldn’t decide what to wear—specifically comparing their outfit to others who would be in attendance. I remember thinking, “who cares what they think?”

It felt like a revelation: most of the stuff we stress over—like what people think about what we wear—just doesn’t matter. We all end up in the same place. So why not just do what you actually want?

Here’s the thing—this kind of perspective can’t be taught.

It has to be experienced. You need to confront an existential crisis, maybe even the reality of life itself (death), to really get it.

Bringing this back to the world of business: I think the best founders are somewhat nihilists at heart. They don’t surrender to it but harness the reality of finitude to create their life’s work. They don’t care about the noise, the doubters, or outside opinions. They are relentlessly focused, maybe even addicted, to their pursuit.

That’s the kind of confidence that can change the world.