An Unsuitable Guide to "Mental Well-Being": Just Tick the Box!

These days nothing says "We Care About Our Employees" quite like a company-wide yoga session or an all-staff email promoting the new counseling helpline and even "From the desk of messages" It's the ultimate move to prove that you're a forward-thinking organization—well, without actually doing anything, of course. I mean, who wouldn’t feel utterly zen after contorting their body into an awkward shape during a lunch break yoga class, only to rush back to their desk for yet another round of back-to-back Zoom meetings?

Welcome to the world of corporate mental well-being: a land where ticking boxes has never felt so spiritual.

The Yoga Mirage

The company-sponsored yoga session. I don't know how many of them I have heard about? There’s nothing like a room full of stressed-out employees pretending to enjoy a 45-minute stretch while mentally calculating how much of their to-do list remains untouched. But who cares about productivity when you can strike a warrior pose for the annual performance review? After all, participating in yoga automatically improves mental health, right?

The best part? The subtle pressure to attend. Sure, yoga is "optional," but the HR comrades and "HoDs" ask you again why you missed last week's session, you're probably beginning to wonder if non-participation is a performance review criterion. Namaste!

The Almighty Counseling Helpline

Next, we have the pièce de résistance: the counseling helpline. Organization's way of saying, “We know your job is destroying your mental health, but here’s a phone number to fix that.” Because, you know, a quick phone chat with a stranger is exactly what’s going to help you cope with 60-hour work weeks, impossible KPIs, and a manager who thinks burnout is a sign of dedication.

The helpline is, of course, prominently advertised on the company’s intranet and often mentioned in town halls as proof that management takes mental health “seriously.” Bonus points if the CEO talks about "reaching out for help" while introducing the new workload targets for the next quarter.

Fitness Sessions: Because What You Need is More Cardio

Nothing screams mental wellness like being herded into a fitness session at 5 p.m. after a long day of sitting through pointless meetings, told about your inability to meet goals, etc. Forget that the real issue is the soul-crushing workload and the constant ping of Slack messages demanding your attention. Nope, all you need to do is sweat it out for 30 minutes, and you’ll be good to go!

But the true beauty of fitness sessions lies in their ability to camouflage as a mental health initiative. Because apparently, solving complex emotional and psychological stress is as simple as doing burpees in a conference room-turned-gym. And let’s not forget the company’s favorite line: “A healthy body means a healthy mind!” How poetic.

Mindfulness Workshops: Remember to Breathe (Through the Chaos)

The mindfulness workshops. These are particularly effective when they’re scheduled during your busiest time of the week, right between your weekly metrics meeting and that emergency call from a client. After all, what better time to learn about “being present” than when you’re overwhelmed by 500 unread emails and a project deadline breathing down your neck?

The best part about mindfulness workshops is how they teach you to "accept your stress" instead of asking why you're so stressed in the first place. After all well-being isn’t about reducing the stressors; it’s about helping you survive them just long enough to make it to next quarter’s review.

It's Not About Results, It's About Appearances

The real genius behind these wellness initiatives is how effectively they check the “We Care” box on any performance evaluation form. HR Leaders can proudly point to the yoga classes, counseling helplines, and fitness sessions during review time and say, “See? We’re making an effort!” The fact that no one is actually any less stressed is a minor detail.

And let’s be honest, it’s not about creating real, integrated change. That would require difficult conversations about workload, leadership styles, and workplace culture. No, no. It’s much easier to roll out a few wellness programs and call it a day.

After all, what matters most isn’t whether employees feel supported—it’s whether the company can show they tried. And if you happen to feel more enlightened after practicing deep breathing exercises in a corner of your open office, well, that’s just an added bonus.

The Art of Illusion

At the end of the day, the substandard approach to mental well-being is less about genuine care and more about optics. Who needs to fix the root causes of workplace stress when you can offer a yoga session and call it a success?