Unstuck your life...

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Ever feel as though you're having the same conversation in your head...for years?

Here's why.

If you have absolute certainty that you are stuck, then you are.

That belief is the very thing that is keeping you in the impossible lifeless loop.

But if you feel stuck, you have a chance to make big changes.

It may seem like a subtle difference but there is actually a huge gap between the two.

Absolute certainty that you are stuck or blocked often stems from a deeply rooted belief that change is impossible or that the circumstances you're facing are beyond your control.There is a rigidity in this fixed mindset that sees obstacles as being insurmountable versus seeing that there is a challenge to overcome.

It may feel futile and pointless to even attempt to bust through what's blocking you because there is a feeling of resignation...that things are the way they are and there is nothing you can do. In some ways, this mindset let you off the hook to take charge in your life.

On the other hand, the feeling of being blocked or stuck holds promise and possibility. Although you may not know what the next step is, you can reflect on the past and other times when you may have experienced this and know that feelings (all feelings) are transient.

It may feel extraordinarily uncomfortable to be stuck but when looked at from another perspective, this can actually be the catalyst for change. The stuck-ness is a signal that there is something below the surface that is needing your attention.

While it may be tempting to stay stuck, those that experience "stuck" as a feeling and not a destination are more likely to approach this with curiosity.

Albert Einstein said "Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them".

So, what can you do to get yourself un-stuck?

1. Be self reflective: Start by examining your thoughts and feelings about the area where you feel stuck. Can you see a recurring theme? Do you find you get stuck before a big decision needs to be made? Do you use being stuck as a defense mechanism to not make a decision? Do you think others have it easier than you and somehow you are "terminally unique" in everything that happens to you? The more honest and unedited you are when answering these questions, the sooner you will pinpoint what's really going on.
2. Set Clear Goals: You don't have to figure it all out at once but if you can define what being unstuck would look and feel like, you will begin to reverse engineer yourself to freedom. If you are working through this on your own, use the S.M.A.R.T goals framework.( specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time sensitive.)
3. Work on your mindset: When you have a growth mindset, you see life as a never ending unfolding filled with lessons, blessing and memories. When you have a fixed mindset, you see challenges as impossible, insurmountable and futile. When you understand the cost of the fixed mindset, you can begin to make shifts toward growth. Look and find the silver lining in a situation that didn't go the way you wanted. Recognize that life and your experiences are compounding every day. Look at failure as feedback for further fine tuning.
4. Keep asking "why": To get to the core belief in a situation, keep asking why. Another phrase that is really helpful is "And then what happens next..." The combination of these questions will get you to what you deeply believe about a situation and can also uncover where the belief came from. Often when I use this technique with a client, they realize they don't even buy their old programming and they can achieve belief-change quickly.
5. Get support: Sometimes the best thing you can do is to bring a professional into your inner thoughts and feelings. This is not because they know you better then you know yourself because they don't. But they can pick up on the language you use, the tone you have, your body language and the blindspots that you will never be able to see on your own.
6. Be kind: To who? To yourself. All humans experience periods of feeling stuck. Change can feel daunting and overwhelming. Be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself in a more loving way when you are facing these types of crossroads. Remember, the best thing you can do is to know that "you've got this" and that you will always be there for yourself.

Being stuck or blocked does not have to be permanent. It can actually be the start of the next great chapter in your life that has been met with some fear. Recognize the huge difference between seeing your situation as permanent or temporary.

Getting unstuck isn't about having all the answers and removing every obstacle but it is about learning how to navigate them with determination for higher ground.

With Love,

Ilyse

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