UNSTUCK: The FLOW Manifest Series

?The ongoing release of excerpts from my book. A book all about how we professionally and personally make things happen in our life. It's subtitle is Manifesting for Realists. If you enjoy it, I would be happy to let you have the complete manuscript (in draft form). What it is, in essence, is the voice-over for the FLOW workshop program I take organizations through. You can follow along from home, at your own speed.

YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO POSSIBLE (& IMPOSSIBLE)

We kicked off with a nicely succinct definition of FLOW.? I think we can all agree it seems like a pretty good place to be.? An optimal state of mind to make things happen and helps us perform at our best.?

We are going to look at the way that we as individuals and also as teams (of individuals) can get better and better at accessing this state.? But first we should take stock of where we are now.? What are we working with? ?Our personal and collective outlook on ‘possibility’.

If FLOW as it sounds is a kind of natural way of being – I mean it’s very name implies that it is effortless and natural – well then why aren’t we just in it all the time?

So we are going to start by understanding our own relationship with POSSIBLE and also IMPOSSIBLE.? We want to have an honest starting place for where we sit in terms of our BELIEFS about these things.?

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Important to acknowledge right up front; there is no right or wrong when it comes to this.? We are each of us, unique beings who have been shaped by our surroundings, by our genetics, our families and our experiences.? None of that is either good or bad for our purposes – it is rather just WHERE WE START.?

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So, please ?give your body a shake.? In fact, stand up.? Right where you are.? Reach high above your head with your arms clutching for the sky.? Now, let them fall to your side.? Shake them out like they were just some spaghetti.? Take a deep breath.? Hold it and while holding it release your lower belly – let that stick out like you just ate a big meal. Blow out through your mouth letting your lips flap and make that funny noise.? Shake out each leg.? Give your head a shake (not figuratively – that comes later).? Make some strange noises.? Flap your arms like a bird.? Spin each one around like a windmill.? And no.? I didn’t say Simon Says.?

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Ok that should be enough.? If you couldn’t tell by reading and if you weren’t in the room with us – just want you to limber up.? Get loose.? Shake out your body parts.? Move around a little.? Envision any trapped energy, stiffness or stuckness given a good chance to work itself out of your body.?

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Take a couple of cleansing and unquestioning breaths.? Unquestioning means there is no right or wrong way to do it.? Just do it (first reference to the Nike slogan.? Stick around)

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Take a brief moment of envisioning a clean slate in your mind.? Imagine nothing.? Like you just rebooted the computer that is your mind.? Nothing there.? If thoughts came out of an imaginary door in your mind – watch that door and envision nothing coming out.?

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That’s enough.?

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Let’s get into it.

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Take out your writing tools.? For those with workbooks, go to that section.? Read each statement below and then make notes about your immediate reaction to each. What does it make you feel?? How do you relate to it?? Is it personally meaningful for you?? On a scale of 1-10 score the significance of each in terms of how you relate to it – meaning 1-3 is ‘not very meaningful’, 4-6 ‘moderately meaningful and 7-10 – ‘highly meaningful’.

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1.???? Achievement: You completed a project successfully and received praise from your peers.? Part B). You completed the project successfully and feel good about it but no one cares, notices or praises you for it.

2.???? Isolation: You spend a day entirely by yourself, without social interaction.

3.???? Material Gain: You purchase something you've wanted for a long time.

4.???? Inner Peace: You have a moment of quiet reflection and feel at peace with yourself.

5.???? Criticism: You receive criticism for something you have done although personally feel you did very well.

6.???? Nature Connection: You spend time in a natural setting, disconnected from technology. Trees, birds, animal life, vistas and natural settings.

7.???? Social Approval: Your social media post receives a lot of likes and positive comments.

8.???? Personal Insight: You gain a new understanding about yourself through meditation or self-reflection

9.???? Something went wrong:? You have been working towards something and an obstacle has presented itself.? It is possible that it will not work out the way you wanted

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What did you write down?? What can we discern from some of your answers?? Oh, if you were just in the room with us right now.? We could chat this out.? Or if you were taking my course – had me on the line for a coaching session…That would be nice.? Do not stress.? Review what your notes say.? Evaluate what you’ve written down.? Think about the meaning experiences like those hold for you.?

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Let’s talk about two concepts.? Object Referral and Self-Referral.?

?Let me explain what these mean and then also take an alternative perspective after that.?

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Object Referral.? The circumstances of our lives define the quality of our life.? In more basic terms – If everything is going pretty much the way we hoped it would, we feel secure, content and possibly even happy.? The formula is GET WHAT YOU WANT.? THEN YOU CAN BE HAPPY.

Another way of describing this is CONDITIONAL happiness.? IF things generally go the way we want them to or in a manner that we find acceptable, then we can feel some version of ‘happy’.? And of course the opposite is also true.? If it doesn’t go the way we want, to varying degrees, we will be unhappy, also to varying degrees.?

Don’t lie to yourself.? Most of us fall into this category.? For the most part anyway.? This is somehow the formula for life we adopted and almost seemed to be taught from a very young age.? But pay attention to it and take notice of just how true it is for you.?

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Self-Referral.? Or Unconditional happiness (let’s call it contentment) is a different concept.? This one is about finding an inner point of connection.? What happens outside of us is secondary to what is going on inside.? We are self-referred.? Inner contentment.? Unconditional.? Whether a thing goes our way or doesn’t, there is a kind of unshakable connection to what matters most.? Who we are.? How we feel about ourselves and our experiences.? A deeper faith or idea of what life is all about.? In simple terms it is a broader and more objective perspective.?

And we all have our moments like this.? But to be honest, for most of us, this is not our day to day operating model.? But you can certainly see some merits, right?

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See where in the list above and your reactions to it might point out the level of self-referral and object-referral presently at work in your life.? Go to your workbook.? Check your scoring to see how many of the most meaningful elements fell in the object or self-referral columns.?

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A couple of stories.? More like a parable and a poem.? Let’s lay them out and pull out what these can mean for us; how they might start us on our path.?

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Once upon a time in a small village in rural China, there lived an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day, his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "Maybe yes, maybe no" the farmer replied.

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The next morning, the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "Maybe yes, maybe no" replied the old man.

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The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown off, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy for his misfortune, declaring ‘How awful that is”? "Maybe yes, maybe no" answered the farmer.

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The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe…" said the farmer.

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Let’s deconstruct.? Some would describe this as apathy.? A deep detachment about life.? And yes, the way it is told might suggest that.? But that is not what the story is about.? It underlies the Taoist beliefs in duality and how opposite things can be true at the same time.? It also points out a form of freedom that comes, not from detachment or not caring, but from ‘non-attachment’.? There is a difference.?

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We cannot see around corners in life.? We can only live in the moment we are in.? We don’t see the entire path.? The message in the story is that what we label as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ happen constantly – but perhaps we can loosen up on the labels?? Perhaps a thing is neither good or bad OR it can be both at the same time.? It also underscores the concept we spoke about at the beginning of all this.? There seems to be an organizing power that is mostly benevolent – at least for the most part – if you are willing to believe that.? There is a movement towards betterment – at least if we choose to see it that way.? Most importantly.? Our definitions of good and bad can be more flexible than we might think.?

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Here is another.? A personal favourite.? In fact it is my favourite poem of all time.

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IF, by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

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If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

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If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

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If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

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Once past the very specific gender references, he is writing this to his son after all, you can see some of the same themes emerge.

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Stop now and go make your own notes about what this poem means to you.? In light of what we have been talking about so far, pull out some of the lines that are most meaningful and summarize what they mean to you.? Ask yourself hat new possibilities does this open up for you?? And write those down too.

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For the rest of us reading this in book form, here is what is most significant about this great poem.?

‘Trusting yourself when all doubt you, but making allowance for their doubting too.’

This is that Self-Referral we were speaking about.? But it also brings in a new concept – Humility.? I can be self-referred and confident but that doesn’t mean that I am perfect, or always right.? I can be open to new ideas, new ways of seeing things and yes, even criticism.?

Meeting with Triumph & Disaster and knowing that they are both imposters.? There is no such thing.? This is that ‘maybe it is , maybe it isn’t’ kind of thing from the story of the Chinese farmer .? This is object or conditional referral.? Labeling a thing as Good or Bad.? And our inner connection of character that is formed based on how we meet both in our lives.?

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Then in gets into very practical ideas of tenacity, perseverance and a deep down faith in oneself – of being true to yourself.

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And that THAT is the secret to a good life.? Not whether good or bad things happened, or what others had to say or how circumstances materialized but how you feel about…being you.? Our relationship with self.

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Powerful stuff.

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With that grounding, let’s get back to the subject of this section.? What is your relationship to POSSIBLE?? Or asked another way, what is your relationship to IMPOSSIBLE?