Unstuck Chapter 3- Have you grown up? ??

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Chapter 3 - Have you grown up?

"Be mature. Stop behaving like a child." That’s what we sometimes hear from others. We are not children or adolescents anymore. My wife sometimes says I am a grown-up child at home, despite my age.

I don’t mind it! Why take life so seriously? I’d rather keep up the fun and occasionally immature part of my younger self so I can stay creative and silly.

When I interviewed inventor and scientist Gordon Chiu (趙汝威博士) about his existential crisis, he ended up singing a few songs on my show, which became an instant hit. His message to the listener? We sometimes need to be a little crazy to do the things we love.

Children are born to love and imagine, but they are often taught to hate and feel bad about themselves.

Watch TED talks or read leadership articles from Harvard Business Review , and you will see experts encouraging us to be vulnerable, to be authentic, to stay curious and think outside the box, to be givers, to have a growth mindset, to be lifetime learners, to take risks, to fail fast, and to be inclusive.

They advocate these things for good reasons, such as the assertion that they lead to higher team performance or better relationships. But wait a minute—aren’t these the values and behaviors we try to teach our kids? When did we stop doing them as adults?

Is there an implicit timeline imposed on us, dictating that we should avoid questions that might make us seem stupid?

Or

Should we be tactful and mask what we actually want? And are we even aware that we are viewing the world and everyone in it through our own invisible filter, filled with bias and judgment?

We went to a kid’s birthday party. The kids were having fun, playing on slides and chasing after each other. After a while, a magician came over to gather the kids for his performance.

He began with a few jokes and some light-hearted fooling around. The kids laughed. He then pulled out a magic wand and asked the kids what it was.

The birthday girl replied with excitement, “It’s a stick!”

The magician retorted, “No, that’s not right. It’s not a stick! It’s a magic wand!”

The excitement on her face quickly turned into disappointment. Instead of reinforcing her participation, she was confronted with the binary thinking of being right or wrong. She was punished for the outcome and not rewarded for trying. If we don’t know what doesn’t work, how would we know what does?

A binary world is a disappointing world. We either succeed or we fail. At your company, how often do you reward yourself, and your team for trying? Do you do check-in with them regularly?

We can find many examples like this in life. Our words carry weight and shape others’ belief systems. Every one of us is born to be curious and learn how to make sense of the world through asking questions, but we quickly discover that we should only ask the right ones, say things people want to hear, and appear intelligent to avoid judgment from the audience. Our excitement about the world can turn into personal anxiety.

Did children cause the troubles in the world, or did adults?

Walt Disney once said, “The real trouble of the world is that too many people grow up.” Growing up does not solve the world’s problems.

I believe the antidote to solving real-world problems is for everyone to rediscover their inner child. All the great qualities we demand of each other today are ubiquitous among kids. Yet somehow, we lose them during the transition to adulthood. We become creators and contributors to our own cognitive traps.

If you find yourself feeling stuck, getting caught in a fixed mindset, your dormant inner child can help you become unstuckable, simply by thinking, and acting like a curious child again:

Let’s look at some examples in terms of what we expect of young children and how we as adults behave over time.

Mindset Shift:

From Grown-up (Fixed) Mindset to Child (Curious) Mindset

Example 1 Fixed Mindset:

"We judge ourselves and others on asking intelligent questions."

Childlike Mindset:

"Be curious and ask questions to learn! Every question is an adventure waiting to happen!"

Example 2 Fixed Mindset:

"We hate and divide based on different voices."

Childlike Mindset:

"Embrace love and forgiveness! Love is like a magical glue that helps us stick together!"

Example 3 Fixed Mindset:

"We rarely say hi to people we don't know; we’d rather look at our phones."

Childlike Mindset:

"Greet everyone and build connections! Every stranger is a potential friend!"

Example 4 Fixed Mindset:

"Vulnerability is weakness."

Childlike Mindset:

"Embrace vulnerability and expand emotional expression! Sharing our feelings opens doors to deeper friendships!"

There is a dormant kid in every one of us. We just need to wake up and return to our default—be a kid again.

Reflection

• Have you grown up?
• What is your relationship to your childhood and adolescent self?
• Are your actions, values, and belief systems consistent with what you want to see in the next generation?

Shifting to a curious childlike mindset encourages continuous learning and resilience, making life a more joyful and fulfilling journey. What are your thoughts on this?

In a loud, distracted, and productivity-obsessed world, I hope my writing gives you the space and tool to slow down, and reflect. Every week, I will share a free chapter of my book Unstuck. I hope it will help you think positively, see things differently at work and in life.

Aaron Pang

#Leadership #PersonalGrowth