Unstuck Chapter 2 - Asking Better Questions: From Default to Third Thought
Aaron Pang
Motivational Speaker | Penguin Author | World’s Top 25 Purpose Podcast Host | Personal Development | Ex-Microsoft, Big 4 Business Advisor | Founder @Transformative Purpose
Hello readers, welcome back.
If this is your first time here - Hello! In the coming weeks, I will be releasing a chapter of my bestseller Unstuck to bring clarity and positivity in your life.
Chapter 2 - Asking Better Questions
In today's world, we are bombarded with information. Engineers and app developers use sophisticated algorithms to capture our attention, while marketers and bloggers create content designed to keep us engaged, hitting our dopamine receptors at every turn.
Without setting boundaries or making conscious choices, it’s easy to find ourselves at the mercy of technology, allowing it to dictate our lives.
Are you on the productive path or the distracted path, left or right?
The Computer Analogy
When our computer slows down, we often hit Ctrl-Alt-Del to check its performance. If it runs out of processing capacity, we might upgrade its hardware or close unnecessary background programs. Unfortunately, our brains don’t come with a visual dashboard to monitor their capacity.
Many of us start our mornings and end our days by checking emails, social media, and negative news. Imagine allowing a stranger into your bedroom—this is what we do when we keep our phones close during our most personal moments of rest.
Instead of engaging mindfully, we operate on autopilot. Our brains are expected to switch on immediately, ready to tackle the day’s demands. We often neglect to question our knowledge, biases, and emotions, leading to mental fatigue.
The Stigma of Mental Health
The stigma surrounding mental health issues makes it even more challenging for those in need to seek help. The good news is that there’s a solution: we must give ourselves permission to unwire and unlearn.
Modernizing Our Virtues
It's time to modernize our virtues. We need to cultivate curiosity and ask better questions while being mindful of our mental filters.
Reflection is key. We talked about forgiving our younger self in chapter 1.
Consider these questions:
Your past affects your current, and your future. Have you faced your past yet?
Alvin Toffler, a futurist and author of Future Shock, famously stated, “The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.”
The Mindset Shift: Starting with Your Third Thought
When confronted with negative stimuli, it’s beneficial to disregard our first two thoughts:
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Instead, we can reframe our third thought to
“Why am I feeling this way?” or
“What assumptions did I make about this person?”
Asking better questions with positive intent creates a positive feedback loop in our minds.
Intercepting the Autopilot
To break free from autopilot, don’t react with your first two thoughts. Instead, ask more profound, constructive questions. Here are a few examples:
If you’ve experienced trauma, rather than asking,
“Why did this happen to me?”
Reframe to
“What did I learn? How can I use my experience to help others?”
If your partner says you are selfish, instead of defending yourself,
Reframe to
“What did I do to upset my partner? How can I give more?”
If a colleague gets the promotion instead of you rather than thinking,
“I am just unlucky,”
Reframe to
“Where did I fall short? Why do I feel jealous?”
Your Reflection
Emotions can be powerful cues for deeper self-reflection. Consider what questions you can ask yourself to learn more:
By shifting our mindset from default to our third thought, we can reclaim control over our thoughts and lives, ultimately leading to a healthier relationship with technology and ourselves.
Next time, if you spot yourself thinking in a fixed mindset, use this 'Default to Third Thought' tool to hack your negative brain!
Hope you enjoyed this.
Building a positive world - to help everyone dream, be better, evolve together.