Unsticking Your Life: The Power of Decision-Making

This past year, my hometown received record-breaking snowfall. Every time we experienced a snowstorm, there would invariably be vehicles losing control and ending up stuck in a large snow berm. Interestingly, two distinct behaviors resulted from this unfavorable experience. Some people would be unprepared or unsure of what to do. They had such powerful learned helplessness, they thought the only way out was to wait for a tow truck. Others, however, were prepared and unafraid to do hard work. They got out of their vehicle and start digging themselves out. Maybe a tow truck was needed, but they weren’t going to be slowed down waiting for it.

We’ve all felt stuck in our lives, and not just in a snow berm. But, getting unstuck is challenging, especially if we have a pattern of learned helplessness. What do we do? Who do we call for help? Where do we even start?

Learned helplessness is a psychological term used to describe the state of mind that we get into when we have repeatedly been in situations where we feel unable to control or change things. It can easily extend beyond a situation and end up permeating throughout all parts of our lives. Before we know it, we are living a life of quiet desperation. We give up our ambitious dreams and give away our unique power.

Of all the “shovels” that can get us unstuck, there is one that rises above all the others – making a decision. It seems so obvious, yet so many people are unwilling to do it. The sheer act of making a decision is the catalyst that can move the mounds snow (aka obstacles) out of our way while at the same time, develop other qualities that ensure our progress forward. Consider these six characteristics that decisions gift us with that we can use to get ourselves unstuck in any area of our lives.

DIRECTION

So many of us walk through life without a clear direction of where we want to go and how we plan to get there. We may understand the importance of direction when we get in our car or plan a trip, but many of us don’t apply the same forethought to where we are going in our own lives. Instead, we accept our “lot in life” and believe in what others tell us what we are capable of and how we should live our lives. Renowned psychologist, Rollo May once said, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it’s conformity.”

How many of you woke up this morning really excited to start your day because you knew what you wanted and knew this day was bringing you even closer to it? Sadly, most people are not excited to start their day and instead feel the drudgery and grind of living a stuck life, devoid of passion, clarity and fun.

When we have no direction because we have not made decisions, we end up running on automatic pilot using our conditioned behaviors trained into us by others. We feel indecisive and lean on others to help us know what we should do. Should I stay or should I go? Should I say something or not? Should I act now or wait? Should I buy it or not? On and on we go until we end up batted around by our circumstances that can leave us feeling like we are a victim and have no power in our life. But, power lives in your decisions.

POWER

Making a decision is the quickest way to acknowledge and exercise our own power. That power provides the direction from which we can plan and map out exactly how to get from here to there. A common science experiment for young kids is to take a magnifying glass and burn something by focusing the energy of the sun through the glass. Decisions are like the magnifying glass. They concentrate our attention, our efforts, our resources, and our energy. By making a decision, you strengthen your ability to move out of the stuck and into a place of freedom.

CLARITY

There is so much noise in our daily life that is clamoring for our attention. Without a decision, our efforts are unfocused, we try to pay attention to everything and end up diluted, frazzled, late, impatient, frustrated, exhausted and ineffective. Once a decision is made, it is amazing how much more clearly we see our world around us.

Making a decision gives us permission to ignore the extraneous information so that we can get to where we want faster. If you lead a team or a company, people don’t have to wonder or second guess what they need to do or how they fit into the bigger picture. Everyone can begin taking steps in the direction of the decision. If you are leading yourself, decisions illuminate what you need to do, the resources you require and what you need to ignore or let go of.

OPPORTUNITIES

Our attention is so finite that our brain has evolved to rely on habit to filter out extraneous information that could divert us away from potential danger. When we make decisions, we leverage this prehistoric tendency in a way that makes us hyper-vigilant to opportunities that advance and line up with our decision. We attune our senses to seeking and finding solutions and resources. We start to notice events, people and things that we may have missed before. ?Complementary to clarity, decisions act as filters, sharpening our focus on opportunities aligned with our goals.

Decision making puts us in the enviable position to be ready for favorable conditions. As Oprah is famously quoted saying, “Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.” What seems like a coincidence is really just a natural consequence of making a decision.

BELIEF

If you study exceptional leaders, you will notice that they all make decisions quickly. How does this happen? When a decision is made, the outcome will fall somewhere along the spectrum of success or failure. When a leader makes a decision, they first believe that their decision will get them closer to their goal, while also believing in their own ability to deal with any negative consequences that may result from their decision.

Living a life of freedom is not about getting it right all the time. We all make plenty of mistakes. It’s what we do when mistakes happen that make for a fulfilling and meaningful life. Believing in yourself to handle whatever comes your way is a natural outcome of making a decision, even if the decision is a scary one to make. Learning comes from doing. Whatever the outcome, there is an opportunity to grow, to learn, to connect, to become better and wiser.

If you’re not used to making decisions, this belief can feel elusive and can contribute to the unwillingness to make a decision. The more we practice the muscle of decision-making, the more we learn that we can handle anything that comes our way.

RESILIANCE

Closely related to belief, resilience is a natural outcome of decision making because there will be times when we make a decision that gives us an unwanted result. Even worse, sometimes we have to make a decision between two bad choices. The act of making a decision is a vote for strength and also flexibility, knowing that you will and can deal with the consequences of the decision. You know that the situation will not last and that you will make the most with what you have. Like coal under pressure, you will turn into a diamond.

Making a decision can be scary. No one wants to make a mistake or deal with the consequences of a bad decision. But, not making a decision is a decision and the consequences and responsibility are still ours to contend with. While it is important to consider all the data and stakeholders when making a decision, it is imperative that we actually, consciously and intentionally, make a decision.

When we don’t make decisions, we relegate ourselves to subpar results and a life of mediocrity, conforming to the world around us. Don’t live your life waiting for a tow truck to come save you. Instead, be intentional; take back your power and watch for opportunities to make decisions in your life. Even small decisions, like what to have for dinner, can help build that muscle so that you are prepared with a shovel when you need it the most.