The unspoken truth: Toxic women destroy good men
Monica Brown
Media Maven | Social Impact Catalyst | Transformational Leadership Coach & Speaker | Guiding & Empowering Leaders
Yes, I have said it. There are women who wreck their own relationships and marriages. And you know how it begins? Not even acknowledging that she made a mistake and never saying sorry.
I think it’s less heard of because men tend to bottle it all away, and struggle to open up, but believe me there’s a lot of toxic women out there. And it should be spoken of more.
I do believe that men and women have different physiological and psychological constitutions, and therefore have different core needs in a relationship. However, both men and women are human, and both men and women have emotions.
Because men often appear to have such tough exteriors, we women can be dismissive of the fact that they have feelings, too. We often fail to recognize how our dysfunctional behavior patterns destroy safety for men in relationships.
There is nothing that anyone can do to save a relationship if their partner has poor character, is emotionally unhealthy, and is unwilling to work on healing their dysfunctional behavior patterns.
If a man used to be a player, and he’s not anymore, you don’t need to know the details. All you need to know is it was a part of his past that is now over, and he does not want it to be part of his present and future. There are many men (and women) who never change, but if a man wants to change, and he puts in the work to change, he?can?change. He can truly desire to live a life that is different from the life he lived before.
Emotionally reactive behavior in a woman feels extremely unsafe to a man. When our emotional reactions are out of control, and we start yelling at and attacking a man, many men will begin to shut down.
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This shut down often causes us women to become even more emotionally reactive. Since we are not getting the response from him that we want, we yell louder and push even harder. Our words cut deeper. He feels even more unsafe, and he will eventually completely shut down and pull away.
We need to take responsibility for and learn to regulate our emotions. Again, communication of feelings needs to come from a place of vulnerability, not from a place where we yell at and attack?him.
Genuine relationships are based on authentic connection with another person, not based on trying to get something from someone. When our goal is to get something, instead of to connect, we are using and objectifying the other person.
If we value being in a relationship more than we value ourselves, we will become doormats. A woman who lacks boundaries and does not value herself will feel unsafe to a man.
The foundation of a relationship is trust and safety. This foundation is established and maintained when both parties demonstrate kindness, compassion, and respect, along with a healthy dose of grace and forgiveness.
Self-motivated community pharmacist focused on patient care and MTM. I help maximize medication adherence by leveraging patient engagement in 90 day fills to realize better health outcomes.
1 周Recognizing our own toxic behaviors is a struggle because it's hard to be objective when looking at ourselves. People can yell in an argument because they want to be heard, but they could also be afraid. Animals do this in nature as well by trying to appear bigger than they are. When we become conditioned to environments of abuse, we may yell to let an attacker know we won't be going down easily. It doesn't make yelling ok or any other form of abuse. We need to address our own wounds in order to heal. As a society, we need to do a better job with encouraging connection and seeking to understand. Having education and therapy easily accessible could be very therapeutic for a lot of people. Thank you for promoting self-worth!
ex- Proprietor at Rouge Boutique H?tel Restaurant now freelance...
2 周I now know the sheer desperation that men feel. When I married 30 years ago, I was financially sound. 30 years, 2 children, international travel, living in foreign climes and exotic holidays later (with my wife and family as passengers) she walks out on me, and forces me to sell our freehold home. I am now back to a level where I can't even afford a house, I don't see my children anymore, yet my estranged wife is now saying "she is stronger, and happier" than she has ever been. She left because I apparently hurt her feelings back in 2012 (true story). I really don't know what to do now.......
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3 周What is your point? Is this supposed to be a revelation? Should the world stop right now? It takes a toxic woman to know a toxic woman, Monica.
Social Service Worker student with a passion for helping Youth to see their potential / Writer on Men & Gender Issues / Corporate Concierge
2 个月Toxic femininity warrants more discussion. Fingers are pointed at men collectively for bad behavior, but women can be just as capable of toxicity.
Filmmaker (Manjunath(Zee5), Ishqiyapa (Amazon Prime/ Mini), The Disguise, Kahanibaaz (Hotstar), Start up Founder (Filmboard ), Seeking and restless.
2 个月I dont want to appear generalising but I have been in relationships where women have a very bad temper and do nothing about it. Because they are meant to be emotional beings (stereotype that men are not), everything gets swept under the rug under the pretext that I said this because I was angry or upset. Sometimes these things can be extremely hurtful and worse, often they can be taunting about things a man may have told them in a weak moment about something very vulnerable. A lot is said about men's temper and loud voice but not enough is said about women in the same manner. At least in my experience, it is because of this that a lot of women get away with it.