The unspoken truth about 'Invisible Woman Syndrome'

At first, I hesitated to post it. I was worried it was the wrong forum and that perhaps it was too personal. I did it anyway and the response was astonishing. But first, let me go back to how it all started.

Where once I would excitedly wait for a delivery of designer shoes or clothes I had purchased online, my new obsession is books. I am an avid reader and am seriously considering putting Booktopia on a monthly retainer. When I came across the book titled ‘Women Don’t Owe You Pretty’ by UK based artist and writer Florence Given, I immediately added it to my ever-flowing cart. 

The book's premise can be summed up in the powerful quote featured on the very first page by American Lexicographer, Erin Mckean which goes- 

“You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you don’t owe it to your children, you don’t owe it to civilisation in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked ‘female’.”

I can’t quite explain but it was as if the quote grew arms out of the page and slapped me across the face. I was deeply moved and found it incredibly revealing. From a young age, I have defined myself by my appearance. I bought into the idea that to be successful you had to look the part and that meant being ‘pretty’. Like many other women, I have invested thousands of dollars in pruning, primping and ultimately keeping up appearances. 

It is not surprising to me to know the beauty industry has been valued at $US532 billion or that Australians have spent over $1 billion on cosmetic surgery, more than 40% than the US per capita. As a personal branding consultant, I am all about making a great impression but at the same time, I am concerned this pursuit of physical ‘prettiness’, perfection, and youth-obsessed culture, is driving middle-aged women out of the spotlight where we ultimately need them. 

Before you suggest I am overreacting, take the time to learn about ‘Invisible Woman Syndrome’. These three powerful words describe a social phenomenon affecting females aged between 45-59 (more than 2.2 million Australians) who disappear from public view upon reaching “a certain age” in shops, on public transport, and at work.

Not only do we owe it to ourselves to remain visible, but we also owe it to younger women who are learning that their value is tied to a timeline that suspiciously coincides with changes in physical appearance. In the words of actor, Kerri Russell, “It's sad when girls think they don't have anything going on except being pretty”. We need to be telling them that their value will exist for as long as they do. We need to be showing them all the reasons they can look forward to becoming wiser and embracing the wisdom that only time can offer. 

So with a surge of courage, I took off my makeup and posted an honest photo on LinkedIn. I held up a sign saying ‘Women Don’t Owe the World Pretty’ and shared my thoughts, my own fear of aging, and the message that as women (and quite frankly men) we are so much more than our appearance. 

The image was viewed almost 50,000 times and I received comments and private messages from all over the world. I felt in that moment that I had played my small part in getting the message out there, now the question is- what can you do?