The Unspoken Rules of Connection

Hi friends,

Do you ever “feel the tension” in a meeting before anyone speaks??

Or maybe you’ve noticed how one teammate’s positive energy lifted the whole room, despite them not saying a word??

A workshop participant once asked me how body language shapes team dynamics: “Am I saying more than I realize?”

It’s a great question—we don’t think enough about the impact our non-verbal cues can have.

• Do YOU often consider how your subtle gestures and pauses influence others’ moods??
• Do you consider their effects on trust, connection, and collaboration in your team?

Body language is a whole lot more than “standing tall and making eye contact,” or even “uncrossing your arms” before you speak. Research shows that over half of communication happens without words: raised eyebrows, relaxed shoulders, and more all send a signal.?

If we’re not intentional, these signals can undermine trust and derail collaboration. But when we are intentional, they become powerful tools for connection.

In short:?

Learn how to use quiet cues like an artist, and you can build serious confidence and alignment within your team.

The Unspoken Rules of Connection

This week, I’ll explore three lesser-known ways body language impacts leadership and teamwork.?

I’ll start with a few questions for each; then, I’ll explain their link to the frameworks that underpin our executive coaching—specifically, our behavioral specialist Nicolien Dellensen 's Sphere of Influence.

Finally, using inspiration from past workshop participants, I’ll give some example actions that coachees take to leverage them more strategically.

1. Microexpressions: Tiny Signals That Speak Volumes

Have you heard of microexpressions??

These are fleeting, involuntary facial movements that reveal emotions even before we consciously register them. For example, a quick flicker of frustration or doubt across your face. An unconscious frown or raised eyebrow that lasts just a microsecond.

It’s believed that they can fall into seven broad categories: disgust, anger, fear, sadness, surprise, contempt, and happiness.

Because we register one another’s microexpressions (consciously AND subconsciously), microexpressions can silently shift the whole tone of a room. We don’t have total control over them, but we can learn to recognize and manage our own to some extent.

→ Reflect: How often do you unconsciously carry emotions into a meeting? What might your microexpressions say about you? How attuned are you to others’ microexpressions??

→ Relate: Decide whether it’s strategic to respond to this emotional information. If the answer is “yes,” use the Clarify SOI style to surface hidden dynamics. Ask, “What’s really going on here?” to align your team’s emotional climate with its goals.

→ Respond: Check in with yourself before your next meeting. Practice mindfulness to reset your mood and recalibrate your calm and focus.

2. Emotional Contagion: Viral Energy

One person's energy is often enough to affect your entire team. (Ever thought “Brace yourselves…” when someone stormed into the room?)

Think about how a teammate’s slouched posture or tense stance can convey disengagement, making others feel similarly underwhelmed. Or how a confident, open posture and bright eyes can uplift your group.

This is a simple one: your body language can have ripple effects on others’ moods.

→ Reflect: How would your team’s energy shift if you consciously adopted positive body language? What different kinds of emotion can body language convey, beyond simply “positive” and “negative?”

→ Relate: Listen and Connect style skills are key here. If you want to invite trust and collaboration, you lead the way and set the tone. For instance, relax your shoulders, open your posture, and move purposefully. Notice the atmosphere shift as you lead with positivity.

→ Respond: Be aware of your own and others’ body language during your next few interactions. Check out this Sphere of Influence Active Listening worksheet for a great activity.?

3. The Pause: Silence That Speaks Volumes

Silence is a tool, not a gap we should always be rushing to stuff—pauses signal thoughtfulness, encourage deeper conversations, and give you an authoritative presence.?

A common mistake is rushing to fill every silence, which can actually end up stifling creativity.

→ Reflect: How would your team respond if you used pauses to create space for reflection? How might things go differently if you simply observed or let others do the talking??

→ Relate: Once again, the SOI Listen style is all about patience, attentiveness, and focus. Leveraging this can show that you value others’ input.

→ Respond: Next time you're in a meeting, take an intentional pause or two before responding. Watch how others step into that space with fresh contributions. Another great exercise is “Waiting Until the Dust Has Settled.”

Over to You

Why not focus on what’s NOT said this week, as a little challenge??

Take a moment to reflect on the following when you walk into your next meeting:

• What kind of energy are you bringing into the room? Are your shoulders tense or relaxed? Are you projecting openness or stress?
• Where can you pause more intentionally, creating space for others to step in?
• How might small shifts—like adopting a more open posture or adjusting your tone—foster deeper trust and collaboration?
• What balance of authority and warmth are you conveying?

If any of these micro-activities trigger ideas or inspiration in you, I’d love to hear more about how they resonate.?

As always, feel free to drop me a DM: I'm always happy to chat more about the Sphere of Influence and more of our workshop tools and how they might work for your specific goals.

Until next time,

— Govert