Unshackling The Soul: The Crucial Role of Detoxing After A Toxic Relationship

In 2012, we made the leap. My wife and I opened our own business. It was a health and wellness studio (her passion, not mine). Customers would join our studio, paying a monthly fee to gain access to our state of the art whole body vibration machines, far-infrared dry saunas and unlimited alkaline water. We also sold an assortment of healthy supplements, immune boosters, cleanses, and holistic therapeutic products.

There was one service that we began offering that initially had me very skeptical, the ionic foot detox bath. There were plenty of reasons for me to be skeptical.? A simple google search will show you article after article, site after site, telling you that a foot detox is a scam with no scientific evidence to show that it reduces toxins in your body. Yes, the water changes colors but that can be explained away and is not the result of toxins exiting the pores of your feet.

Now, the point of this article is not to try to convince you of the validity of ionic foot detox baths. It is to share with you my unnerving experience that changed my mind about a foot detox and for that experience to be used as an analogy for something I think we can all agree upon.

We had a customer; we will call her Jane. Jane was an odd bird, but all were welcome in our studio and if nothing else, odd birds added a liveliness to the day. Jane was nervous about trying our whole-body vibration machines. She claimed to have some kind of “gut issue” and while she didn’t think it was Ulcerative Colitis, that is what she had been diagnosed with by several doctors. She was fearful of being on a machine that vibrated and “shook things up” because she wasn’t sure if she could control her bowels.

Now let me just stop right here and say two things. First, when you own a business like this, people will tell you EVERYTHING that is going on with them; medically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This was something I was not prepared for (the medical and physical ailments in women especially). There was no shame in telling me things that I didn’t even want to know from my wife. Second, we never offered medical advice or sought to discredit any medical professionals. They went to school for this stuff a lot longer than we did.

However, as Jane continued to explain her symptoms, her issues and how debilitating this condition was for her, my wife was convinced that something else was going on here. She asked Jane if she had been checked for parasites. She said that she had not. So, we sold Jane a bottle of our natural cleanse that contained wormwood, an herb known for combating parasites, including helminths such as pinworms, roundworms, and tapeworms that cause severe gastrointestinal disease. Secondly, we (my wife) recommended an ionic foot detox bath to remove any toxins from her gut that may be causing the issues. Internally, I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath, “I also have a bridge for sale.” I felt like a travelling merchant from the 1800s selling “tonic” that would cure all your pains and ails. Jane said she would think about it.

One Saturday afternoon, I had convinced my wife to stay home with the kids and have a day off from the studio. Saturdays were shorter days, and I could handle the studio on my own. Besides, I could call her if I needed her. As luck would have it, this Saturday was the day that Jane decided to do her Ionic Foot Detox Bath. So, I sanitized the area, the machine and the foot bath buckets and set everything up for Jane. She was feeling better, the cleanse seemed to be helping to a degree. However, her gastrointestinal issues persisted, and she was hopeful that this foot detox would be the answer to her prayers. Once again, the tonic salesman riding his horse drawn wagon from town to town, selling his whiskey as a cure for all things, popped into my head. I turned on the machine and left Jane to “soak out her toxins” for a few minutes. However, when I returned to inspect the water and check the machines, I was horrifically shocked at what I found.

Within the water, there in plain view, was a parasite. I did a double take. It was small, hardly visible, but it was there. Is that really what I think it is? What was I going to do? I did the only thing I knew to do. I called my wife.

In a hushed but hysterical voice, I explained to her what I had found. Her response? “I knew it.”

I goggled images and began the comparison. Yes, these images looked like what I was seeing, but this can't be real. Can it? I tried to explain this away and “debunk” the myth that this foot detox actually detoxed a person. As for Jane, she finished the session, I cleaned her feet, and she went home.

We didn’t hear from Jane for over 3 weeks. Until one day, she calmly walked into the studio, checked herself in and casually walked over to the whole-body vibration machine, the same machine she had been scared to try just a few months before. She caught my stare, smiled, and said, “I don’t have Ulcerative Colitis anymore.”

From that day forward, I was a believer. I sold Ionic Foot Detox Bath sessions right and left. Everyone needed to detox, and I was the guy to make it happen.

This has stuck with me on and off for the last ten years. We have all faced toxic relationships in our lives. ?Some come in the form of personal friendships that are taxing on your mental health. Those one-way relationships that drain your energy, your spirit and your joy, those consumers of your goodness. I call these “friends” suckers. They suck all that is good, decent, and joyful from our souls, much like the parasite, which was feasting off all that was good inside Jane’s intestinal track.

A toxic relationship will present itself much like toxins in your body. When our bodies are overloaded with toxins, we experience difficulty concentrating, mood swings, lack of energy, trouble sleeping, tiredness, feeling bloated, digestive discomfort, and migraines/headaches.

When you detox the body, there is a 24–72 hour period that you feel awful. It is almost like you are coming down with the flu. As toxins move through your body to be discharged, they leave a residual effect on how you feel. But this effect is temporary and is part of the purging process.

In toxic relationships, the symptoms tend to be very similar. Think about a situation that was particularly toxic to you. Did you tend to have more headaches? Find it hard to concentrate? Have trouble sleeping, despite feeling tired and lifeless all the time? And when you (hopefully you have) left that relationship, there was a period that those symptoms worsened and there was a panic of not knowing how you can move on from the comfort of the uncomfortable. However, when the effects of the toxins wore off because the toxins themselves were removed, something incredible happened. The toxic environment, relationship, or activities were left to swim helplessly in the bath water of your detox, and you began to emerge feeling better than you have in a long time. It is like Jane said, “You have no idea how bad you feel until you remove the bad and begin to feel good again.”

So how do you detox from a toxic relationship, situation or environment? Is there a foot bath for your soul? Well, yes but I have a feeling you are not going to like it. I have struggled with these steps many times when faced with the gut-wrenching decision to move on from something that was toxic. ?However, I think following these steps to remove toxins, to detox your mind and soul will place you in a better position to be successful.

1.?????? Denial Is A River In Africa!

To recover from a toxic relationship, you must first recognize the toxicity that you are dealing with. Stop making excuses, stop saying the “yeah buts”. If a relationship, environment, situation, or person is toxic to your soul, you must recognize it, admit it and accept it. Until you do this, there is no further step you can take.

The battery in my wife’s jeep died a few weeks ago. Prior to that phone call I received from her stating that the car wouldn’t start, I had noticed on several occasions that it struggled to start. It made a funny sound, or it turned over very slowly. I brushed it off as my imagination. I mean, after all, the car did start. So it can’t be that bad, right? If I had addressed the situation when I noticed the symptoms, I would not have needed to go jump her car off and drive directly to the auto parts store for the battery. Instead, I brushed the symptoms under the rug and denied that the car had an issue. Did the issue go away? No, it got worse. Toxic situations never get better on their own. Something needs to change. The source for the toxins needs to be removed or you need to remove yourself from the source. Admit it, call it out for what it is, and accept that it must change. This is the hardest step.

2.?????? Just Do it!

Don’t wait for the situation to change on its own. Don’t wait for the other person to change their ways. Take back the power. Take charge and make the change that is necessary. Be warned! When I say “change”, I am talking about a major, drastic change. Someone apologizing and excusing their behavior is not change. Someone promising that things will be different from now on is not change. Remember what Jane said, “You have no idea how bad you feel until you remove the bad and begin to feel good again.” Change is purging the source of the toxins. Jane would not have gained relief from her symptoms if the parasite had said, “I’m sorry. I won’t feed off you anymore.” That's ridiculous. A parasite, by its very nature, behaves this way. The same can be said for the source of the toxin in your relationship. The likelihood of the stimulant making the change is small. So, it is up to you to make the change. Just do it!

3.??????Recognize That You Deserve Better!

Jane had resigned herself to managing the symptoms of her toxin. She had accepted that this was the way it was going to be, and I just have to keep my head down, survive in this reality and try not to disrupt the apple cart. No one deserves to live like that. No one deserves that in a job, in a relationship, in a family setting, or any other situation or environment that is toxic in your life. Bernard Hopkins once said, “If you don’t recognize your value, then someone else will tell you your value and it will be a lot less that what you are worth.”

4.?????? Clean Breaks And Boundaries!

It was amazing for me to talk with people about their health. As I said earlier, people will share anything with you when you own a business like we had. I would hear so many people talk about their health goals and their weight loss aspirations. They would come into the studio and follow the regiment to the letter. Yet, they wouldn’t lose weight, or their health did not improve. Often, I would hear, “this just isn’t working for me.” However, as we dig further into the situation, one thing became very clear. There were no boundaries set with those things that were toxic.

We had another customer; I will call him Lou. Lou was a large man. He was driven, ambitious, and motivated to lose weight and get healthy. However, after three months, nothing had changed. He had only lost a few pounds and a couple of inches off his waist and chest. Lou was frustrated. So, we had a discussion and I asked Lou what he had changed outside of the studio. He looked at me quizzically and said, “nothing”. Lou would come into the studio and detox his body and do all the things necessary to rid the body of his toxins and lose weight. Then he would go out and eat cheeseburgers and fried foods and sugary sweets. As quickly as the toxins were leaving his body, he was replacing them with more toxins.

My wife, bless her heart, has little patience for this. She looked at Lou and said, “What would happen to you if your wife spent all day cleaning, mopping and scrubbing the kitchen floor only to have you walk in with muddy shoes and leave tracks all over it?”

Lou laughed and said, “She wouldn’t be very happy.”

My wife replied, "Right! And wouldn't she have a right to be unhappy with you?”

“Of course,” Lou replied. “But I would never do that to my wife.”

“Then why are you doing it to yourself,” my wife asked, in a rather snarky voice. Bless her heart.

It dawned on Lou that, while he was doing all the right things to rid his body of toxins and fat, he was refeeding his body those same toxins. He was tracking mud all over his clean floors that he had just worked so hard to clean.

We can’t do that in a toxic relationship or environment. We must set clear boundaries with the source of the toxins. This can be hard, particularly if the toxic relationship is family. However, boundaries must be set. Toxins must be purged and not reconsumed. No one will take better care of you than you. You are the one doing all the work to clean your kitchen floors. How easy is it for someone else to make them dirty again if they were not the ones putting in the work to clean them? Set boundaries with the source of your toxins.

5.?????? Lean on those that pour healthy items into your soul.

Not all our relationships or environments are toxic. Find those that bring you joy. Find those that leave you energize. Find those that feed off you, while replenishing you. Parasites are consumers. Find partners that give to you as much as they take from you. Spend time in these environments, nurturing these relationships.

Finally, if you are reading this saying, "Yeah but the source of my toxins in my relationship is my spouse (or another family member). Am I supposed to leave him/her?"

I can't answer that question for you. I think the answer to that question lies in the severity of the toxicity. Abuse is never ok. Abusers rarely change.

However, toxic behaviors, like most behaviors, have varying levels. Is the relationship worth saving? Can you partner together with your loved one to fulfill each other's needs and limit each other's pain??Are they willing to follow these steps I have outlined? Are you?

Those are all question you have to answer for yourself. However, when thinking of the answers to these questions, always consider them in the context of what has to change, and not in the context of what you can tolerate.

Detoxing your mind and soul is not about survival. It is about "thrival". (Yes, I made that word up). If survival is the act of surviving, thrival is the act of thriving. Our relationships, our situations, our environments should be about thrival, not survival.

“You have no idea how bad you feel until you remove the bad and begin to feel good again.” Thanks Jane!

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